Boromir's niece
by Silvawen the Elf Crumpet
Summary: What happens when a 15 yr. old girl, who literally fancies the pants off Legolas, joins the fellowship? Please note that flames will be mocked by myself AND my reviewers. Don't believe me? See for yourself. ::FINISHED!::
1. Meet Michelle, teenager from hell

Boromir's niece  
  
Summary:  
  
What happens when Boromir's 15 yr. old niece, who is madly in love Legolas, joins the fellowship?  
  
1 Chapter 1  
  
~ Boromir's chamber ~  
  
"Please Uncle Boromir! I'll be real good, honest I will. I won't moan and I can cook." Michelle pretended to pout and did puppy dog eyes at her uncle. She desperately wanted go with them on the quest to destroy the ring.  
  
"Michelle, you can't, it's too dangerous. You have no way of protecting yourself."  
  
"Ha, that's what you think. Arwen has taught me how use a sword, and I'm getting real good. Plus the fact that I'm a 15 year old girl. I could speak for Gondor. If anybody captured me, I could talk them to death and then escape. But not that you'd let me get captured or anything, though is it Uncle Boromir?." Boromir couldn't help but laugh at his niece's persistence, and it was true, she did have the 'gift of the gab'.  
  
"Well, it's not up to me. Elrond is the one to ask, and I'm not sure if he…"  
  
"But you say I can go?"  
  
"Only if Elrond says its ok."  
  
"He does. I already asked him and he said he's fine with it as long as the rest of the fellowship can put up with me." She paused to think about that. "Hey, I just realised what he said. That just isn't funny."  
  
"You got round Lord Elrond?" Boromir was astounded. Nobody he knew had ever managed that before. "Then maybe we could use in the fellowship, that Gandalf is one hard nut to crack."  
  
"Thank You, Uncle Boromir" She threw her arms around her uncle's neck and then ran out of the room.  
  
Boromir was left alone to think about the situation. He had just greed to let his niece come with them. Was he crazy? Obviously, or he wouldn't give in to her every time she wanted something. He hoped the others would forgive him.  
  
"God, what have I let myself in for?"  
  
~ Rivendell's gardens ~  
  
Michelle was possibly the happiest person alive. Not only had she got to see the elves of Rivendell (and there were some rather tasty ones at that) but she got to go on an adventure as well. She was fully aware that it could result in her death, but she didn't care. Whilst residing in Rivendell she had befriended Pippin, so she went in search of him to tell him the 'good' news.  
  
She wandered around for a while, then finally found Merry and Pippin in a heated discussion about which were nicer, mushrooms or bacon.  
  
"Hey Pippin. Hey Merry." She called to them over the row.  
  
"Argh!" said Merry, who was very scared of Michelle, due to the fact she was related to Boromir, who he also found quite scary. Ignoring Merry, she turned to Pippin.  
  
"Guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Guess."  
  
"I can't be bothered, just tell me."  
  
"Oh, very well. I'm coming with you! To M- oh, wait, we're not meant to say that are we, well you know, the whole fellowship thing. I convinced Elrond and Boromir to let me go with you, and they both agreed." This was too much Merry. He ran off, screaming, in search of the rest of the fellowship to tell them, but he couldn't find them so he went and got some food. Elrond later found him and silenced him (Elves have their ways of doing such things).  
  
"Are you sure you want to do that? It'll be very dangerous, tiring, and not to mention hungry work. Are you sure you'll cope?"  
  
"I know I've been told. But I can handle it, and myself. Hunger – I don't eat a lot anyway, tiring – It takes a lot to tire me out and dangerous – pah! You haven't seen me angry, now that's dangerous."  
  
"Great! Well, I'm hungry, come with me to get some food and we can have a nice little chat about it. 


	2. The fellowship find out

1 Chapter 2  
  
~ Elrond's office ~  
  
Elrond called the fellowship and Michelle to a council in his room. He had the unfortunate duty of telling them about the new arrival to the company. Finally everyone but Michelle had arrived.  
  
"Are we all present?"  
  
"Yes." Said Aragorn only to be corrected by Pippin.  
  
"No, Mic-" Elrond glared at him and shook his head, warning him not to carry on.  
  
"Well I will begin anyway. I have an announcement. Boromir, Pippin and Merry already know what I am about to say, but for those of you that don't, I will continue." The other five members of the fellowship looked puzzled.  
  
"There is to be a tenth walker among you. They may or may not serve any use but that remains to be seen."  
  
"Legolas, are you pregnant?" asked Sam who was still very sure that Legolas was a woman in disguise.  
  
"For the last time Sam, I'm not a woman, ok?" responded Legolas, crossly.  
  
"Gimli?" Ignoring the nonsense, Gandalf turned to Elrond.  
  
"I was not aware of any change, Lord Elrond. Pray, tell me, why has your mind been changed?"  
  
"Believe me, when you meet them, you'll understand." Answered Elrond.  
  
"Then where is this tenth walker of whom you speak?" asked Aragorn. Suddenly Michelle burst through the door.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! I was in the shower and I lost track of the time, and, well I'm here now." Michelle noticed there were 5 pairs of eyes staring at her curiously. Her entrance amused Elrond. Her excuse was evidently true, as her hair was still wet, her tunic was inside out and she hadn't even put on any make-up. He proceeded to introduce Michelle to those who didn't know her.  
  
"This is Michelle. She is Boromir's niece and she will be joining you." Aragorn started to laugh.  
  
"No, I was being serious, who is the other person?"  
  
"And so was I. Michelle is joining you, and that is final. You may leave, but I wish Michelle to remain behind."  
  
"Wait a minute, you're telling me that we've got a- how are old are you?"  
  
"15," replied Michelle, "and don't you dare say a 15 year old girl tagging along, because I will be just as useful as anyone else here, if not more. How the hell anyone expects 9 men to survive something like his on their own, I'll never know. It just isn't possible. They're men, for crying out loud! Oh, and by the way, just 'coz I'm the youngest don't mean I'm gonna slave away after you lot, got it?" She practically shouted that last part and it scared Merry so much that he fell off his chair. The rest just nodded their heads anxiously.  
  
  
  
"Good. Anyway Lord Elrond, you were saying."  
  
The fellowship left Elrond's room in a state of shock. When they all came to their senses, they started questioning Boromir. Pippin and Frodo were highly amused by the whole thing. Aragorn, Merry and Sam were very scared. Gandalf stayed silent. Legolas was impressed by her determination and Gimli didn't know what to think.  
  
"So what do you think?" asked Boromir, trying to be cheerful, but in reality thinking 'WHY ME?'.  
  
"She's… forceful." Said Gimli. "Not that that's a bad thing."  
  
"I like her." Said Legolas. "She's got spirit, and that's something we all need on a journey like this one." Boromir smiled with approval.  
  
They all understood now why Elrond had added another person to the company, because you do as you are told where Michelle is concerned. There was no disagreeing with her.  
  
They went their separate ways to prepare themselves for the following morning, when they would be leaving. 


	3. On their way

1 Chapter 3  
  
~ Michelle's chamber ~  
  
"You cannot take a hairdryer. There won't be any sockets, and anyway, there won't be time for hairdryers and whatever else." Boromir was getting annoyed with Michelle and all that she wanted to bring. Shampoo, conditioner, make-up, moisturiser and much more.  
  
"But it won't fit into my pack. Please Uncle Boromir."  
  
"No way Michelle, I have my dignity you know! What if Aragorn found it?"  
  
"Please? It's battery powered."  
  
"I'm sorry, the answer is no. It stays. And by the way, you'll have to unpack everything in there so far. You have yet to be given your bedroll and provisions. They will take up most of the space." To his surprise, Michelle reluctantly started to unpack. It was the first time he had every stood up to her, 'I should try this more often.' He thought.  
  
Michelle tried to look as bored and as miserable as possible, in the hope that he might at least take her mascara. It didn't work, so she took it anyway, along with her portable hairdryer.  
  
~ Next day, somewhere not in Rivendell ~  
  
"So how long do you think this whole thing is going to take, Aragorn?" asked Michelle politely.  
  
"I… er… dunno!" He ran away. He was still very scared of her. He was almost over it, but he had the unfortunate job of waking her up that morning. He had been greeted by a flying book that had almost knocked him out, but he ducked just in time. Michelle looked for someone else to talk to. She found Pippin.  
  
"Pippin. If I ask you something, will answer me honestly?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Do people not like me?" Pippin didn't want to answer that question honestly.  
  
"I like you." He responded quickly.  
  
"It's just every time I go to speak to someone they either ignore me or run away. I was just wondering if they're trying to tell me something."  
  
"Well, that all depends on who you tried to speak to."  
  
"Gandalf, Sam and Aragorn."  
  
"Ah, well Gandalf ignores everyone except Frodo and Aragorn, and the other two, well… they… er… to be honest they're scared of you."  
  
"Scared of me. Whatever for? I'm as nice a person as you could get, Arwen said so. Well, what if I apologise?"  
  
"You sure scared them in Elrond's office."  
  
"Oh, well, thanks anyway Pippin." Michelle walked ahead gloomily. She wanted to speak to someone, but who? Pippin was too hungry to pay attention, Aragorn, Merry and Sam were scared of her, Gandalf ignored her, Boromir was her uncle, Frodo was with Gandalf and Gimli was just very odd. 'What's with the braided nose hair?' There was Legolas. No, better not. She fancied the elf a lot, and decided she would definitely embarrass herself if she said anything to him.  
  
'Hmmm… full of elfy goodness.' She thought. She enjoyed this thought a little too much, as it caused her to walk into a large, obvious, too-big-to- miss boulder.  
  
"OOOOWWWWWW!" She fell backwards in shock and landed in a heap on the floor. There was a big cut on her forehead, but she wasn't bleeding a lot. Everyone stopped and looked at the bloody mess. Boromir ran up to her.  
  
"Michelle, are you ok?"  
  
"Are you blind or deaf, Uncle Boromir?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then I think your question has been answered." She put her hand to her head and squealed in pain.  
  
"Sam – find some athelas, Frodo – boil some water, everyone – do anything." Said Aragorn, forgetting his fear, well for the moment anyway. Frodo decided that day that Aragorn's motto must be 'If injured, get some athelas.' Legolas stepped forward, much to Michelle's delight.  
  
"I already have some. I've known you long enough, Aragorn, to know you'd need it at some point, so I gathered some, a way back, when I saw it." Michelle had meant to mutter something along the lines "So resourceful, and so handsome." Only, she didn't mutter it, she said it out loud, and everybody heard.  
  
"I think we'll put that down to concussion." Said Legolas.  
  
After Aragorn had finished bathing her wound, they set up camp at that spot.  
  
"We have travelled much of this day." Said Gandalf. "We shall rest here a while, then set off again this evening. Take some rest." Michelle went to start making some food for everyone, but Legolas stopped her.  
  
"Michelle," oh, it made her quiver with excitement to hear his voice, "You should take it easy. Your wound is quite deep and you are tired as well. Rest, one of the hobbits will see to the food. But let someone know if you feel light-headed."  
  
"Ok Legolas." And with that she sat back down and did as she was told. Well, what Legolas told her, that is. 


	4. Meet her mates

Chapter 4  
  
~ Rocky place, at foot of Caradhras ~  
  
Boromir was teaching Pippin and Merry how to sword fight.  
  
"You're doing well, but hold your sword up a little higher, then it will be easier to block my attack." He was instructing Pippin. Pippin was doing quite well until Boromir managed to catch his hand with the blade of his sword.  
  
"OOWWWW!"  
  
"Oh sorry!"  
  
"Get him!" Merry and Pippin attacked Boromir and all three of them ended up on the floor. Michelle, who had been speaking Frodo, walked over to see what all the noise was about. When she saw, she wished she hadn't.  
  
"What exactly are you three doing? Do you realise how dodgy that looks from here?" A very worried look crossed her face at the sight of her uncle rolling around on the floor, with two hobbits.  
  
"Just a bit of male bondage." Realisation dawned on his face. "NO! No, no, no! I mean bonding! Argh! No, crap, bugger, I'm in trouble!"  
  
"I do not want to know." She took a step away, to be greeted by a snowball in the face, which made her trip over Sam's pack and fall forward. Whilst falling she managed to pull down Legolas' trousers, giving Michelle's friends (who had thrown the snowball) an eyeful.  
  
"WOW! Big boy!" said Friend no. 1  
  
"Shouldn't that be Big elf?" asked Friend no. 2  
  
"Nyah, whatever." They walked down Caradhras to meet the fellowship.  
  
When Michelle wiped the snow off her face, she had the fright of her life.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!" She screamed.  
  
"We came to see you. We heard you were having an adventure, so we came to join you." Answered Friend no. 1.  
  
"You know these people?" said Frodo.  
  
"Your friends, I presume." Said Legolas, reappearing from behind a rock after pulling his trousers back up.  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. Guys, meet my two best friends Mary-Jo and Becky." Mary-Jo and Becky were both eyeing up Legolas.  
  
"Well, looks like you've been enjoying yourself, I know I would be." Said Becky, whilst winking, seductively, at Legolas.  
  
"Well," added Mary-Jo, "Aren't you going to introduce us, Michelle?"  
  
"No, I'm not." She said bitterly. Michelle started to glare furiously at her friends, and they returned the gesture. Boromir walked up to the three fierce teenagers (possibly the worst mistake of his life) to try and calm them down.  
  
"Now, girls…"  
  
"WHAT?!" They all shouted at him at the same time, then they looked at each other and burst out laughing.  
  
"You haven't lost your touch then, after being around all these men." Laughed Becky.  
  
The rest of the fellowship looked completely confused. They didn't understand girls at all.  
  
"What's funny about shouting at the same time?" said Merry. They all agreed.  
  
"You're men, you wouldn't understand. So, shut up, and carry on with whatever it is you do." Said Michelle. "I would like to talk to my friends in private if that isn't too much trouble." And they walked off.  
  
"Be back just before sundown, that's when we're heading off." Said Gandalf. And with a dismissive wave from all three of them, they walked away laughing.  
  
"Oh great." Said Sam. "Three Michelles'." 


	5. Girlie chats and Legolas lovin'

1 Chapter 5  
  
~ Somewhere ~  
  
"So, how'd you get the cut?" said Mary-Jo, blatantly staring at Michelle's forehead.  
  
"I was kinda day-dreaming, and I sort of walked into a boulder."  
  
"I wonder who – sorry, I meant what - about." Said Becky cheekily.  
  
"Shut your face! Like you wouldn't do the same thing? But, you have to agree, he is really cute." Said Michelle.  
  
"Cute is an understatement!" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Those eyes…" said Becky.  
  
"Those lips…" added Mary-Jo.  
  
"Hello, you're both missing out the most important part!" said Michelle.  
  
"That arse!" they said together and, guess what, burst out laughing again.  
  
"Well, I wouldn't say no." Said Becky.  
  
"Who would?" Said Mary-Jo "You are one lucky girl, Michelle."  
  
"I know. 9 men all to my self. Fair enough, 4 of them are 4'0'', another is my uncle and one's a wizard that looks about 500, but hey, it ain't so bad. But there is one problem."  
  
"What? Legolas doesn't like the age differnce?" said Becky, sarcastically, whilst grinning madly.  
  
"No. The problem is most of them are scared of me."  
  
"Scared of you. Michelle, you are timid. You couldn't scare a fly." Said Mary-Jo  
  
"They think I'm 'forceful'. But, there you go. They just haven't seen the real me yet. I'll show them. I can be really nice when I want to be."  
  
"You mean, when you want something!" said Mary-Jo. They started to laugh again.  
  
They continued talking and laughing and joking. Eventually it was time to return back to the camp, where they would have to go their separate ways. But at least Mary-Jo and Becky got to see Legolas before they left.  
  
~ Rocky place ~  
  
Michelle, Mary-Jo and Becky returned back to the camp. Merry and Sam spotted them and ran away, and Aragorn tried to hide behind Gandalf.  
  
"All ready to go?" Asked Boromir.  
  
"What is that?" asked Sam, pointing at something in the sky.  
  
"Nothing. It's just a wisp of cloud." Said Gimli.  
  
"It's moving fast, and against the wind." Said Boromir.  
  
"Crebain from Duneland!" said Legolas. "Hide!"  
  
They got their belongings and ran for cover under rocks and tree roots. Michelle was the only person left with out a place to hide.  
  
"Bugger! What do I do?!" she shouted. The nearest person to her was Legolas. So, just in time, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to him. The birds past over, and they all got out from their hiding places.  
  
"Spies of Saruman. The passage south is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras." Said Gandalf.  
  
"But it isn't safe for Becky and Mary-Jo to go back to Rivendell! They'll be seen." Cried Michelle.  
  
"You are quite right, Michelle, even if it is their own bloody fault for coming in the first place. Very well, they will travel with us to Lothlorien, and then the Lady of the Wood can make whatever arrangements are necessary. Now, come, we must travel far this night." 


	6. 'Falling' in love

1 Chapter 6  
  
~ Caradhras ~  
  
The fellowship began to ascend Caradhras. They got a little way that night, but soon rested again. They continued the next day, but didn't get very far, as the weather was getting worse by the hour. During this time, Frodo fell and dropped the ring. Boromir picked it up, and went into a sort of trance. But he soon snapped out of it, after receiving a slap round the back of his head from Michelle, and "Give the ring back to Frodo, and stop being such a bloody pain in the arse!" yelled down his ear.  
  
On the third morning, they set out at dawn, much to the girls' disapproval. They climbed all day, and the higher they got, the worse the blizzards were. Gandalf was at the front forcing a way through the snow for the others, except Legolas who, being an elf could walk on snow without leaving so much as an imprint.  
  
"There is a fell voice on the air." Said Legolas, straining his head forward listening. Then he stood up straight too quickly, and toppled backwards, landing in Michelle's arms. Not that she minded. He got back up, immediately.  
  
"Sorry." He mumbled.  
  
"It's ok, I-I'm not hurt." She replied, bashfully. She looked at Mary-Jo and Becky, and they were laughing so hard they were crying.  
  
Gandalf had taken it upon himself to battle with Saruman, but lost and they all ended up with an avalanche on their heads. When they all surfaced, (Legolas appearance largely resembled that of a ferret) most of them were very pissed off.  
  
"Well, that was clever." Said Mary-Jo, sarcastically.  
  
"Shut up!" replied Gandalf.  
  
"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Ronan! No, sorry I mean Rohan!" shouted Boromir, over the noise of the blizzard.  
  
"Have you heard his new single?" said Merry.  
  
"Anyway, or we could take the west road round to my city!"  
  
"And ours!" shouted the three girls at Boromir, before laughing again, in spite of the cold.  
  
"If we cannot pass over the mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the Mines of Moria!" said Gimli, wishing someone would pay attention to him for once.  
  
"Hehehe! You look like Father Christmas!  
  
"Let the Ringbearer decide… Frodo?" said Gandalf. But before Frodo had a chance to answer, Michelle butted in.  
  
"Look, if mines mean warmth, then that's where we're going! My toes are about to drop off, and I haven't had a decent meal for days, so in case you hadn't noticed, I'm getting a bit pi-"  
  
"Language!" said Boromir.  
  
"-Annoyed. So will somebody just get a move on and show the rest of us the way!" she said. But the only reply she received was from Gandalf.  
  
"So be it."  
  
As they were leaving, Mary-Jo turned to Becky and whispered,  
  
"No wonder they're scared of her." 


	7. TV wars

1 Chapter 7  
  
"The walls of Moria." Said Gimli, his voice filled with awe (not that anybody cared). They all walked up to the rock face and started looking for an entrance.  
  
Michelle, Mary-Jo and Becky eventually gave up when nothing was found after 20 minutes. They went and sat in a corner, and Mary-Jo pulled something small out of her bag, and they sat huddled around whatever it was. They found it so interesting, that they leapt a foot high when Gandalf loudly announced he'd found the entrance.  
  
"Ahhh… Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." Said Gandalf, as the moon appeared from behind a cloud, revealing the doors of Durin.  
  
"It reads: The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak Friend and enter." But he realised no one but Frodo was listening. The rest of the company were far more interested in what the girls were hiding.  
  
"What have you got there?" said Pippin.  
  
"N-nothing, where? I don't know what you mean." Answered Michelle.  
  
"There, behind Mary-Jo's back. In her hand." Said Sam, pointing round Mary-Jo, at the object in her hand.  
  
"It's… girl stuff. You wouldn't be interested." Replied Becky, quickly.  
  
"Well, just tell us what it is, and then we'll leave you be." Said Aragorn. And before anybody had time to answer, Legolas had run around the back of the girls and snatched the 'thing' out of Mary-Jo's hands.  
  
"IT'S A PORTABLE TV!" he exclaimed. "And, you were going to keep it to yourselves." He added, sternly.  
  
"N-no, we weren't, honest!" said Michelle. "We just wanted a turn first, then you could have it for good." She looked at her best friends, giving them a look telling them to play along.  
  
"Yeah, that's right. All for you." They said nervously.  
  
"Hold up. What day is it?" asked Merry. They all thought about it for a moment, then the all the men looked at each other.  
  
"THE F.A. CUP!" they shouted together, and before anybody could even blink, the TV was on and there were 7 men, on the floor, watching the F.A. Cup Final (whilst shouting various things that I refuse to write on paper). Gandalf sighed at their idiocy, and returned to attempt opening the doors.  
  
The girls were bored. The men had nicked their telly, they couldn't swoon over Legolas, Gandalf couldn't work out how to open the doors, they were hungry and they wanted to go home. Mary-Jo, grumpily, picked up a stone and threw it in the water. Becky did the same, and Michelle was about to follow their lead, when she felt a hand grasp her wrist to stop her.  
  
"Do not disturb the waters. It is not wise to upset the unknown." She turned around and Legolas was looking at her, still holding her wrist. He smiled, then turned back to the telly, and automatically switched back into raving-lunatic, footy fan mode.  
  
"So say the men who are shouting at the top of their lungs right next to the lake." Said Mary-Jo. "I think whatever is in there is much more likely to pay attention to YOU, not us."  
  
"It's a riddle." Said Frodo. Everybody turned and looked at him, not having a clue what he was talking about. Frodo looked at Gandalf.  
  
"What's the elvish word for 'friend'?" he asked.  
  
"Mellon." Replied Gandalf, and with that the doors opened. The men stood up, and Mary-Jo packed away the telly (not before kissing it and thanking the author for not having it destroyed in the ravings of 7 footy-mad men).  
  
They entered the Mines to find a more of a tomb. The floor was littered with the skeletons of Orcs and Dwarves alike. They decided to leave, and then suddenly, a tentacle crept out, wrapped itself around Frodo's ankle and dragged to the water's edge.  
  
After much struggling, slashing of tentacles, firing of arrows, screams from Frodo (and Becky) and many frantic 'Oh my God, Master Frodo!' from Sam, they managed to rescue Frodo and run back into the Mines. The creature followed and pulled the doors down, trapping them.  
  
"Well, now we're a bit buggered, aren't we?!" said Legolas.  
  
"Now's not a good time to tell you all I'm scared of the dark, is it?" said Becky, who had begun to shake quite violently.  
  
"No, but at least, because we're underground, we won't have to cross anything high up, 'coz I'm scared of heights." Replied Michelle, whilst supportively gripping Becky's hand tightly.  
  
"We must now face the long, dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the earth." Said Gandalf, whilst setting a light in his staff, and beginning to walk on.  
  
"They don't come much fouler than my sister. You try living with her for 12 years. You won't be scared of orcs anymore, I can tell you." Said Michelle. 


	8. Sisterly love..... or not!

1 Chapter 8  
  
They had stopped again, this time because Gandalf was lost. Pippin was moaning about being hungry, as usual. Boromir and Aragorn were talking 'privately', Gimli and Legolas were also talking 'privately', Sam was smoking his pipe and Frodo was day dreaming.  
  
The girls were talking about whether or not they thought Legolas was married. Michelle and Mary-Jo thought he wasn't but Becky thought he was. It eventually turned into quite a heated debate, but they realised everybody was watching them, so they quietened down.  
  
Then Frodo spotted something, so he turned to Gandalf.  
  
"There's something down there!"  
  
"It's Gollum. He's been f-!" answered Gandalf.  
  
"No, it's not." Said Michelle, who was squinting at the object moving ever closer. "Oh God! The darkness just got darker!" then ran and hid behind Legolas. Nobody understood what she meant, until a small, blonde figure stepped up the last step, and into the light of Gandalf's staff.  
  
"Howdy peeps!" she said. She bore a striking resemblance to Michelle. Then the penny dropped.  
  
"Hi Uncle Boromir!" then she spotted Frodo, screamed, ran over to him and attached herself to his arm. "OH MY GOD! You're him! Frodo! Frodo Baggins! I love you!!!" she cried.  
  
Michelle couldn't take the crouching behind Legolas much longer, as her legs were about to give way, so she stood up and stepped out. She looked her sister in the eye, and shot her a look of pure evil.  
  
"Why, in the name of all things holy, are you here? You should be in Gondor!" Michelle was trying to remain calm, but she wasn't finding it easy. Whenever Michelle was doing something, Maria had the horrible habit of turning up and spoiling things.  
  
Maria blanked her completely, and was concentrating on trying to fight off Mary-Jo and Becky. They felt very sorry for Frodo, and were now attempting to detach her from his arm.  
  
Michelle was totally confused. Who was she with? How had she got here? What was she doing? But, before she was had a chance to ask any of these questions, her sister had disappeared, in a strop, back down the steps from which she had entered. They could still see and hear her, but Gandalf, who appeared not to have witnessed any of the very strange encounter, had decided he knew where he was, and was hurrying them down a passageway.  
  
"Ok then, that was VERY strange. Michelle, why is Maria here?" asked Boromir, who was dumfounded as to why his other niece had appeared in Moria. But he didn't receive an answer because they entered the Dwarf City of Dwarrowdelf, and its size and quality silenced all. 


	9. Essays and Orals!

1 Chapter 9  
  
They all stood looking at the great hall in wonder. For once, even Becky was speechless. Gimli was on the verge of crying. Finally, Sam spoke.  
  
"Well, there's an eye-opener and no mistake." Everybody nodded their heads in agreement. They began to walk across the hall, still looking at their surroundings. Suddenly, Gimli spotted a doorway, and ran towards it crying "NO!". He entered a room, and in there middle there was a tomb.  
  
The company followed Gimli, and saw the tomb. Gandalf read out the inscription on it.  
  
"Here lies Balin, son of Fundin, Lord of Moria. He is dead then. It's as I feared." Gandalf began to look around and spotted a big book in the hands of a corpse on the floor. He picked it up and began to read aloud.  
  
Meanwhile, Mary-Jo had had the most horrible thought. 'Shit! I've got that Biology coursework to do!" So she took herself off to the side, sat down, removed a thick textbook, a pen, 3 pieces of paper and an exercise book from her a pack and began to scribble down anything that popped into her head.  
  
"They are coming." Said Gandalf. Pippin was about to touch the skeleton sitting on the well, when Michelle distracted him.  
  
"What on Middle Earth are you doing?" she said to Mary-Jo, whilst wondering why the hell she was writing.  
  
"It's my Biology coursework. I have to 'Describe and explain the genetic differences between Elves and Orcs, caused by the process of de-evolution' in a 1000 word essay. So if you don't mind…" then she turned back to 1000 word essay.  
  
"I wish I'd never asked." Mumbled Michelle.  
  
A mischievous smile crept onto Becky's face. She turned to Legolas, hoping he'd be convinced.  
  
"I've got an Elvish oral coming soon. D'ya wanna help me practise, Legolas?" she asked, whilst slowly walking towards him. Mary-Jo looked up at her, very confused.  
  
"You didn't take Elvish. You chose-" Becky cut Mary-Jo off.  
  
"Shut up! Yes I did!" Becky hissed at her, then turned back to Legolas and smiled. "Well?"  
  
"I… er… well… you see, the thing is… that… um… it's just, well…" Legolas dreaded the thought of Becky and him, alone. He wanted someone, anyone, to change the subject. She was still walking towards him, and he started moving backwards.  
  
Right then, Pippin couldn't resist it anymore and had knocked the skeleton, along with the bucket, into the well. The noise echoed around the whole of the mines.  
  
"Fool of a Took!" said Gandalf, "Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!" Gandalf turned around to walk away, when drums sounded.  
  
"It weren't me this time!" said Pippin. Sam looked at Frodo's sword, Sting. It was glowing blue.  
  
"Orcs!" aid Legolas.  
  
"Get back! And stay close to Gandalf!" Said Aragorn to the Hobbits and the girls.  
  
"OI! Just because we're girls, don't mean we need some old man to protect us. But, if Legolas is offering…" said Becky, hopefully. Michelle was quite excited by the thought of Legolas rescuing her from a group of Orcs, but came back to her senses when a bloody great cave troll smashed its way through the door.  
  
Seemingly unaware of the chaos surrounding her, Mary-Jo remained seated, doing her biology coursework. An orc ran towards her, clutching a knife.  
  
"Don't even think about it, shortarse!!!" she shouted, "It took me three hours to do my hair this morning, so I ain't having you messing it all up!" The orc paid no attention to her and was about to stab her, when it received an arrow in the back of the head.  
  
"Nice aim, Legolas." She said, appreciatively, but then carried on with her work.  
  
At the moment, Frodo got skewered by the cave troll, and collapsed in a little pile on the floor. The remainder of the orcs were killed, and then everybody, even Mary-Jo, crowded around him.  
  
Aragorn turned him over, thinking he was dead, but Frodo wheezed and sat up.  
  
"It's alright. I'm ok." He said, looking around at everyone.  
  
"I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye." Said Gandalf. Frodo opened his shirt to reveal the Mithril coat.  
  
"Wow, a piece of metal." Said Michelle, sarcastically. "I always wanted to stare at shiny silver stuff whilst about to be killed."  
  
"Killed?" said Sam  
  
"Yes, killed. In case you hadn't noticed," she turned around and pointed at what used to be a door, "We have company." They all turned to see a company of orcs heading their way, so they went back into the Dwarven hall they had entered from, and ran like the buggery. 


	10. Bothersome Balrog!

1 Chapter 10  
  
"Quick! To the bridge of Khazard Dûm!" Shouted Gandalf as they ran.  
  
"Bridge? What bridge? We're in a mine. What is there to be a bridge over?" Michelle asked, anxiously, but she was ignored. The orcs were following closely behind and soon the company was surrounded.  
  
The orcs were about to attack when a red light glowed on the wall. A rumbling noise was heard, which stirred the orcs.  
  
"Uh-oh." Said Pippin. The noise sounded again, this time the orcs scattered, screeching and running back to the hollows and passages they appeared from. All the company stared at the light, as it began to move closer to them. Michelle looked at everyone's faces. 'This is bad.' She thought, 'Even Legolas and Aragorn look scared.'  
  
"What is it?" she said out loud. She was really scared now.  
  
"A Balrog. A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you, RUN!" said Gandalf.  
  
They ran out of the great hall and began to run down three flights of stairs. Half way down the third flight, there was a large hole, much to Michelle's dismay.  
  
"Why are we so high up? We're underground!" she said whilst trying to stop the shakes. Legolas jumped first, then Gandalf, and then Boromir jumped with Merry and Pippin. A bit more of the step broke off. Mary-Jo grabbed Becky's hand.  
  
"After 3. 1… 2… 3!" and they jumped. Michelle was highly insulted at first, but then went back to being scared out of her wits. Aragorn threw Sam across. Orcs began to rain arrows on them. He reached for Gimli but he refused, so he jumped without aid, and only just about made it. Michelle finally plucked up the courage to jump. 'Gotta do it, or I die, but I might fall, then I die anyway, but Legolas is over there, I can't leave him alone, or can I? No, don't be silly, gotta go, must go, jump, NOW!' She jumped, as gracefully as she could (which is not at all). She didn't make the other side.  
  
Seconds seemed to last hours. 'Goodbye world.' She thought, then she realised she wasn't falling. She was gripping the side of the other ledge. Boromir, Legolas, Mary-Jo and Becky were all trying to pull her back up. Finally, Boromir got her left elbow and hand in his own hands, and Legolas was helping him. Mary-Jo and Becky had her right arm, and they all pulled her back up. (By the way, while all this is happening Aragorn and Frodo are stuck on the other side). Michelle began to cry half from belated fear and half from joy. Becky and Mary-Jo wrapped their arms around her, also crying.  
  
Frodo and Aragorn got safely back with the rest of the fellowship, and they continue to run from the Balrog. The bridge comes into view.  
  
"Over the bridge! Fly!" shouts Gandalf. They all run towards the bridge, and the Balrog appears behind Gandalf. Despite Gandalf's instructions, they all stopped to watch.  
  
"COOL! A Balrog!" said Sam.  
  
"A Balrog is anything but cool. In fact, it's hot." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Thank you." Replied the Balrog.  
  
"I meant hot, as in the fiery sense, being as you are made of fire." Said Becky.  
  
"And shadow!" said Frodo.  
  
"How can you be made from fire and shadow? 'Coz fire is light and shadow is dark, so how does it work?" asked Pippin.  
  
"Look I hate to spoil the fun, but aren't you meant to knock me down a big hole or something?" The Balrog nodded its head. "Well, in order for that to happen we need to run away from you. So, some time soon would be nice." They began to again, but the Balrog let run ahead a bit first, otherwise he would have got them straight away, which just isn't fair. When he started to chase he closed the gap between them, but sneezed, and set Mary-Jo's coursework, which she was still holding onto, tightly.  
  
"You bastard!" then she kicked him hard on the shin. The Balrog whined in pain, and fell over, whilst holding onto his shin.  
  
During this commotion, Michelle was causing trouble, again.  
  
"Just cross the damn bridge, Michelle!" said Boromir.  
  
"No. It can come and eat me for all I care, I ain't crossing it." she replied, defiantly.  
  
"Cross it."  
  
"No."  
  
"Cross the bridge!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now!"  
  
"NO!" she yelled. Boromir looked at Legolas for help, having guessed her little crush. Legolas prepared himself to be screamed at. 'Oh God. Not again.' He thought.  
  
"Michelle, please cross the bridge, it is really safe, I promise." He waited for the high-pitched scream down his sensitive ears.  
  
"Ok." Legolas was stunned, as was everyone else. She had actually listened to him? Michelle closed her eyes, and tried to focus, she didn't want to fall, again.  
  
"Right, focus. I really don't want to do this." She finally crossed.  
  
"Typical, she doesn't listen to me and we're related." Said Boromir.  
  
"I can see a resemblance around the eyes." Said Aragorn. Pippin looked at him, oddly.  
  
"What, you mean he wears mascara?" he said. Boromir shot an evil look at Pippin.  
  
Becky went next. She wasn't scared of heights, but she wasn't fond of them either.  
  
"I refuse to run. I won't run. I will not make a fool out of myself. Oh, bugger it!" and she ran the rest of the way.  
  
Finally, everyone was over the bridge except Gandalf, who had stopped to battle with the Balrog.  
  
"I don't think that's such a good idea, Gandalf. The last time you fought someone, you buried us in snow." Said Becky. The fellowship agreed with her, but Gandalf ignored them all. He chanted some chant thing, causing the bridge to break at his feet when the Balrog stood on it. Gandalf sighed and turned around, but the Balrog's whip caught his ankle and pulled him down. He couldn't pull himself back up, and there was nothing the fellowship could do to help him. He let go of the ledge and fell into the abyss. 


	11. Grievings and greetings

1 Chapter 11  
  
They all got out of Moria. Pippin collapsed on the fall, and cried, and Merry wraps an arm around him. Boromir has to hold Gimli back from going back to the mines. Frodo began to walk away. Sam sat down and cried. The girls sat down and cried and all hugged each other. Legolas stood watching the fellowship, greatly distressed. Aragorn stood, seemingly emotionless, cleaning his sword. He looked at Legolas.  
  
"Legolas, get them up."  
  
"Give them a moment for pity's sake!" said Boromir.  
  
"In case you hadn't noticed, we're grieving." Said Michelle, angrily, though still crying.  
  
"By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlorien. Come Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, get them out." They all slowly got up, and headed towards the woods of Lothlorien.  
  
The woods came into sight, and they had reached Lothlorien by sundown. Gimli began to instruct the hobbits why to beware of the Lady of the Wood, much to their and Legolas' annoyance. 'What the hell does a dwarf know about Elves. That like me trying to tell Aragorn about mining.' He thought to himself. Gimli carried on saying how he would never be caught out because he's God's gift. Suddenly, a lot of Elves appeared from nowhere, and surrounded them, all with their bows already fitted.  
  
"Please don't tell me you're evil." Said Mary-Jo. "I can't be doing with more stress. I've had enough trauma today to last me a lifetime! I don't know what I'm going to do about that essay. I can't say a Balrog ate my homework, because I used that one last week. So, anyway, if you're going to kill us, then please do it quickly." Then she breathed.  
  
"Okaaaaaay then." Said Haldir. Aragorn spoke to him in Elvish. They agreed on something.  
  
"Aragorn, these woods are perilous, we should go back." Said Gimli, looking at Haldir suspiciously.  
  
"For once I agree with him." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Me too." Said Michelle.  
  
"Well, I don't." Said Becky, who had taken a liking to Haldir. 'Legolas who?' she thought with a smirk on her face. Michelle and Mary-Jo sighed, knowing what she was thinking. They had seen that smile oh-so many times before.  
  
"You have entered the realm of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go back. Come, she is waiting." Replied Haldir, and lead them away.  
  
They walked for a while and soon came across a city in the trees. They walked up many, many, many stairs, and they were completely dead when they reached the top. They stood in two lines and waited for the arrival of the Lady. The Lady Galadriel and her husband, Celeborn, descended some steps in front of the company whilst surrounded by a bright light.  
  
"PHWOAR!" said Gimli, before realising he said it out loud and going very pink.  
  
"Eleven that are here, yet, by my knowledge, nine set out from Rivendell, and Gandalf isn't here. Tell me where is he, for I much desire to speak with him. Has he left you in the lurch, like he did to Bilbo all those years ago in Mirkwood? Honestly, I've told him about that. He has a bad habit of not finishing things he has started." Said Celeborn.  
  
"Hmm… well, firstly, no, ten of us left Rivendell, then we were joined by two, then another joined us in Moria, but left almost straight away, then we lost another in Moria, then we came here." Said Aragorn, confusing himself, let alone Celeborn. "Basically, you're wrong and Gandalf is dead."  
  
"The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail to the ruin of all. But hope remains will the company is true." Said Galadriel. Whilst she spoke she looked at everybody in the fellowship, reading their minds. She finally got around to Michelle. She looked deep into her eyes, and found thoughts of Legolas. She had to stop herself from laughing. A nearly 3,000 yr. old Elf and a 15 yr. old girl. That was the funniest thing she'd ever heard of. But she got back on track.  
  
Michelle couldn't help but feel as if Galadriel was mocking her, whilst she stared at her. But she didn't care, all she cared about at that moment was food and bed (and of course Legolas. She'd stay up all night, without food, if he asked it of her).  
  
Galadriel instructed Haldir to show them to the pavilion in which they would be sleeping. It was on the ground, much to the satisfaction of the hobbits and Michelle. Almost everybody fell asleep the moment they lay their heads down.  
  
A/N: Wow, I've had such a cool response to this, I wasn't gonna carry it on this long if it didn't get a good reviews. Thanx peeps for not flaming me (I guess there's still time but hey, I don't care). Hope you like the most recent chapter. Btw, give me some ideas for following chapters, they can be anything, just make it funny! Ta babs. Luv Elf Crumpet xXx ( 


	12. Author note

A/N: Firstly, I just realised that in the first few chapters, I titled the places they where at, but then I just forgot and didn't, so I do apologise.  
  
Secondly, I might not get a chance to write the next chapter for a while because I have loads of coursework for school (oh the joy!) and that does really need to be done first (however unfair it is, it's the unfortunate truth). So sorry, you're just going to have to wait.  
  
Thirdly, THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed the story. I'm glad you all (well most of you) like it. Please keep reviewing, and feel free to give me ideas for the upcoming chapters. I've got a bit of a mental block at the moment so I need all the help I can get! Ta peeps! Luv Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	13. That time of the month... uh-oh!

1 A/N: Warning: This is a very girlie chapter If you are a lad, I apologise, because you may well be offended, and you will not fully appreciate or understand the tension these girls are suffering. Therefore may not like this chapter. (Oh, the stress of it all!)  
  
2 Thank you for your great idea, Blondie! I hope this is what you wanted or hoped for, and that you enjoy! Ta chuck!  
  
3 Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
4 PS. This is a really long chapter, so sorry if I babble on a bit!  
  
5  
  
6 Chapter 13  
  
Michelle was the last to wake up the following day. It was nearing noon and she was very hungry. She got up and began to wander around, looking for her friends. She was feeling very tense and stressed, and she wasn't in the mood to be messed about. She knew that anyone who approached her off her guard would probably die. It was that time of the month.  
  
Mary-Jo and Becky were in exactly the same position. In the space of about 3 hours, they had already deeply insulted Boromir, attacked Legolas and yelled at Aragorn. They had made their way to the gardens. They were very beautiful and relaxing, and Becky and Mary-Jo were almost calm, but then two people jumped up in front of them.  
  
"BOO!" they shouted, whilst both falling about laughing.  
  
"ARGH!" Mary-Jo fell over in shock. She looked up to see her two friends Tracey and Clare standing (actually doubled over with laughter) there.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!" she screamed at them, so loud that everyone within about 50m heard her. She jumped up and glowered at them.  
  
"Language!" said Clare. They ignored her.  
  
"And what the fuck did you think you were doing?!" added Becky, feeling exactly the same as her best friend.  
  
"Language!" said Tracey.  
  
"Oh holy crap! She's not got you doing that now as well!" said Becky.  
  
"We were only having a laugh. Chill out man." Said Tracey, quite surprised by their reaction. She had expected to be worshipped, but she thought she would at least get a hug.  
  
"Well, I didn't find it very funny!" snapped Mary-Jo.  
  
Meanwhile, the fellowship men are in the middle of a secret 'Men only' conference (A/N: that's meeting to any girl, but you know what men are like. They big themselves up and use big words to try and look good).  
  
"So, what do you reckon it is?" asked Pippin, still in shock from seeing Legolas attacked.  
  
"Are you stupid, or something?" said Aragorn; "It's so obvious. They're having a bad hair day."  
  
"I think you'll find it's more likely to be a broken nail." Said Boromir.  
  
"But both of them are annoyed, why would they both be bothered about a broken nail?" said Legolas.  
  
"Girl's are like voodoo dolls of each other. One of them breaks a nail, and they are all affected." Said Merry. "I have 4 sisters back in the Shire, so trust me. I've have survived too many beatings to not understand girls."  
  
"Why don't we ask them?" asked Sam, naively.  
  
"Did you see what they did to Legolas? Did you hear what they said Boromir?" exclaimed Frodo, "Nobody would survive! Especially not us four!" pointing at the hobbits.  
  
"Look, what are we scared of? There's eight of us and two of them. Plus they are only 15." Said Aragorn.  
  
"Exactly!" said Boromir, "Two 15 year old girls, who are in foul moods. If they're anything like Michelle, it's best to just leave them to cool off."  
  
"Michelle." Said Legolas, the others looked at him curiously, "Of course. Why don't we ask Michelle? She'll know why, or could easily find out." So it was agreed that if any of them saw Michelle they would ask her what was wrong with Becky and Mary-Jo. Unfortunately, they didn't know that Michelle was in just as bad a mood, and two more 15-year old girls had joined them. Had they known, they would have abandoned the quest and fled home, faster than the eye can see.  
  
Michelle had found Becky, Clare, Mary-Jo and Tracey, shouted at them, apologised for shouting at them and listened to them tell her about their activities in the morning. She didn't feel as angry anymore, but still didn't dare think about what she might do to any man that tried to talk to her.  
  
It was past one, and Michelle still hadn't eaten. According to Clare and Tracey, who had been in Lothlorien for a quite a while, it was about the time for lunch. So, they headed back to the pavilion, in which the company had slept the night before.  
  
Aragorn, Legolas, Pippin and Merry were already there. When they saw five teenage girls walking towards them, they almost fainted in horror. Three was bad enough, and where had the other two come from. The four of them turned to run, but they found the five girls blocking their way.  
  
"How did you…?" said Aragorn, but trailed off, deciding he was better off not saying anything, he might get yelled at again. Legolas and Pippin whimpered with fear, and Merry was standing still as stone. They went back to sit down. They hadn't been told to, but they knew that it was required of them, from the looks in each girl's eyes.  
  
"That's much better." Said Michelle, smiling approvingly at Legolas, "Now then, I would like you to meet two more of my best friends. This is Tracey. And this is Clare. They have been in Lothlorien for some time now, but they will be staying with us until we leave, no questions asked. Has lunch been served yet?" The men shook their heads. Legolas decided to be brave and speak out.  
  
"I, um, well, you see, we were just, um, sort of wondering if," he looked at Aragorn, "You finish!"  
  
"No, you started, so you finish." He replied.  
  
"It was your idea!"  
  
"No it-" Aragorn was cut off.  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Michelle. "Legolas, bloody well finish what you were saying, or we'll have a repeat of this morning." Legolas clamped his hands tightly onto his arse.  
  
"NO! Please no! I'll be good, honest! Ok, I'll carry on! We were just wondering why you were, sort of, you know, just like, not normal this morning?" he said, then he saw the look on Mary-Jo's face, "NO! No, I didn't mean normal, I meant… annoyed, yeah that's the one."  
  
"That is none of your business." Said Clare, "But I will say one thing. Be VERY careful in what you say, or there could be some very nasty goings on around here." At that point, the rest of the fellowship entered, saw the four being interrogated by five mean looking young women and suddenly became very scared for their own, and their companions, lives.  
  
Tracey span round at the sound of feet behind her, hoping it was dinner, but she only found the other fellowship members.  
  
"Sit!" she barked. They obeyed immediately, despite the fact that they didn't know who she was.  
  
Finally, lunch arrived, delivered by, in Tracey's opinion, some rather tasty looking elves. She stared at them, completely oblivious to the sniggering going on around her. Michelle was staring, longingly, at Legolas, also oblivious, and Becky moaned silently to herself, because she hadn't seen Haldir yet that day and was feeling 'empty inside'.  
  
Lunch was soon all gone and people went their own separate ways. To the amazement of all, the girls did not go off together. Becky and Tracey went off together, Mary-Jo and Clare went off together, and Michelle went off alone, seeking solitude (meaning she probably needed the toilet and nobody would go with her). Legolas decided to go after her, regardless of the mood she was in. 


	14. Love is in the air... or is it?

A/N: Another long chapter, so sorry again. This has the potential of being a lovey-dovey chapter, but there you go. Things aren't always what they seem.  
  
I know the timing in this is all crapped up. They were in Lothlorien a lot longer than 3 days, but I can't be arsed to write that much. Ciao people! Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
Chapter 14  
  
Michelle made her way back to the gardens, where she had bumped into her friends before lunch. She needed to relax. (It was very beautiful throughout the whole of Lothlorien, but you don't appreciate things as much when you're on). She wandered alone for a while; taking in the beauty, thinking about Legolas, but soon got bored. She turned round to go back and find someone to talk to, and she walked straight into something. Well, actually, it wasn't something, it was someone. Michelle was amazed to find Legolas standing in front of her. Had he followed her or was it just a coincidence? Well, either way, she didn't mind. She was alone with Legolas.  
  
"Oh, h-hi." She managed to stutter out. "A-Are you looking for someone? Or are you just taking in the beauty?" 'Stupid! Like he's going to answer you. It's none of your business.' She thought to herself 'Well, it's too late now. Better just let the humiliation begin.'  
  
"I was actually looking for you." Michelle's jaw must have hit the ground. 'Why the hell was he looking for me? Not that I mind.'  
  
"You were? Why? No, I mean, yes, that is what I mean, why?" She could feel herself going very red. Legolas laughed.  
  
"Well, I realised that the only people in the fellowship I haven't had a proper conversation with are you and Becky."  
  
"And Mary-Jo." She added.  
  
"No, actually Mary-Jo and myself had a rather… interesting conversation last night, when everyone was asleep. She was talking about something to do with a person called Raziel, a "good" dragon called Spyro and her playstation. But anyway, so I decided I'd talk to you. I didn't want try and talk to Becky because I find her quite scary, and because of what she did to me this morning." Legolas frowned at the memory. Michelle couldn't stop laughing.  
  
"Well, that's a shame, because she fancies you like nobody's business." She said. "I suggest you just keep your distance. Hide when you see her coming, you should be safe then."  
  
"I'm afraid I have to correct you there. It's Haldir she likes, not me."  
  
"Nah, she likes you so much more."  
  
"No she doesn't."  
  
"Yes, she does."  
  
"Doesn't."  
  
"Does!"  
  
"Does Not!"  
  
"Does Too!!!" This went on for some time, until they were yelling at each other. Just then, Becky and Tracey showed up.  
  
"Becky. Who do you fancy?" said Michelle, before they had a chance to greet her.  
  
"Not Haldir! No, of course not! I don't, honest! Why do you say that?" she said, quickly.  
  
"We didn't." said Legolas.  
  
"Dammit!" said Becky.  
  
"HA! Told you! It's Haldir she likes, not me." Said Legolas, smugly.  
  
"Whatever." Said Michelle, angrily. Suddenly, Becky screamed, then broke down and was crying hysterically. It took 10 minutes to get an answer out of her.  
  
"Becky, what is wrong?" said Tracey, annoyed. Becky lifted her hand.  
  
"I broke a nail." She sobbed.  
  
"Is that all?" said Legolas, but then he wished he hadn't.  
  
"No, that's not all! I took me three hours to get that nail into shape, and then a month to grow it to the right length! My nails are the most treasured part of my body, and you say 'Is that all?' You are one sick, sick elf. You need help. You need to learn to prioritise!" said Becky. Tracey and Michelle had cautiously backed away; knowing what Becky was like about her nails. Becky and Legolas were just out of sight, but not out of hearing, when Legolas came running around the corner.  
  
"I hate you! Leaving me like that! You have the unfair advantage of knowing what she is like, and then leave me to handle it. You are so annoying."  
  
"And proud!" said Tracey, grinning like a maniac. But Michelle felt sorry for Legolas. She had been in that situation more than once, so she knew how he felt. She felt quite bad for leaving him alone with a distraught Becky.  
  
"I'm sorry Legolas. We get scared too you know, that's why we ran." She did puppy dog eyes at Legolas. Hopefully they would work. They worked on Boromir that's why she always got her own way. It did. Legolas felt bad for shouting.  
  
"It's all right. Just don't do it again. I'm more scared of her now than ever!" Tracey and Michelle laughed. A 3000-yr. old elf scared of a 15-yr. old girl? 'Well, there's a first for everything.' Michelle thought.  
  
"I'm sorry, Legolas." Came a voice from behind them. They all turned around and Becky was standing there. "I didn't mean to scare you."  
  
"I… um… it's, er, ok." He replied, nervously, even though he knew she really was sorry.  
  
They walked back to the pavilion, where Pippin and Merry joined them. Tracey saw her fit elves again; Becky saw Haldir and Michelle was with Legolas. Pippin was gazing at Michelle. He'd become quite fond of her. She knew how to handle herself. She was positive, bubbly, confident, pretty and unattached. One word ran through his mind: 'WAHEY!'  
  
"I need chocolate. Melted chocolate." Moaned Becky.  
  
"To eat? Or did you having something, or someone else in mind?" said Mary-Jo, mischievously. She and Clare had just appeared behind her.  
  
"Oi! Get your mind out of the gutter!" Said Clare.  
  
"What?" Mary-Jo replied innocently. "It's a reasonable question?"  
  
Aragorn walked reluctantly into the pavilion, knowing the five girls were there. Boromir, Gimli, Frodo and Sam followed him. He stood in the middle, trying to look important, but just not. Nobody was paying any attention to him, so he got Michelle to get their attention.  
  
"Listen to Aragorn, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled before settling herself back down in between Tracey and Mary-Jo.  
  
"Thank you, Michelle." Said Aragorn, whilst rubbing his ear. "We will be leaving Lothlorien tomorrow." Becky began to cry, again.  
  
"Oh, but, I don't want to go. I want to stay here, with Haldir." Said Becky. She wasn't going to keep it secret anymore. Most of them knew already.  
  
"Well, you all knew anyway." Then she had an idea. "I know! Can Haldir come?" she asked excitedly. Mary-Jo burst out laughing.  
  
"You tell us!" she said. Clare slapped her, trying not to laugh.  
  
"Stop it!!!" she said, then she gave up and laughed with the rest of the fellowship. Except Becky. She hadn't understood what Mary-Jo had said. Legolas explained to her, and she went very red.  
  
"Shut up!" she hissed at Mary-Jo. And with that, there were a lot more tears, hugs and jokes to make them feel better. Becky decided not to go with them. She would stay in Lothlorien with Clare and Haldir, and Tracey would take her place. Mary-Jo had basically become an unofficial member, and refused to be left behind. She still hadn't seen Legolas kick any serious orc-ass yet. 


	15. Ask Pippin

1 A/N: To all my reviewers: Thank you so much! You make my story writing so much more fun! Keep coming up with ideas for upcoming chapters, you don't expect me to think it all up, do you?!  
  
2 Ok, don't flame me after this chapter, because I know it's like the worst one so far! Constructive criticism is welcome, but Flames, no. So, yeah, anyway please R&R, as you always do, and just be nice, basically! Bye chickens!  
  
3 Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
4 Chapter 15  
  
"Moj?" said Michelle.  
  
"Whatever it is, no." said Mary-Jo. She'd heard that tone too many times, and fell for it. Michelle carried on regardless.  
  
"Can I put my bed-roll in your pack?" Said Michelle, quietly so Boromir didn't hear her.  
  
"Why?" asked Mary-Jo, curiously.  
  
"Well, the clothes that Lady Galadriel gave us are really cool, and I want to take some with us. Plus the fact, we will need spare clothes for the journey. If you think I'm spending months in the same riffy clothes then you can think again." Michelle replied.  
  
"No, you cheeky mare! Get someone else to do it. I've got enough crap as it is!" Michelle turned to Tracey.  
  
"Trace?" she said sweetly.  
  
"No." said Tracey quickly.  
  
"But-"  
  
"I said no, didn't I?"  
  
"Not even my make-up?"  
  
"No, God-dammit!" Tracey sighed in annoyance, "Ask Pippin. He'll do anything for you." She said with a chuckle. Michelle was quite shocked by this revelation. She was the only person who hadn't noticed the looks of adoration Pippin gave her, every time she entered a room. 'Oh, well, guess the guy ain't so bad. Bit on the short side though.' She walked over to him.  
  
"Hey, Pip." Pippin's face lit up. "I was wondering, how would you like to make a teenage girl very happy?"  
  
"Sure, anything." He replied, dreamily.  
  
"Then would you do me a really big favour, and put my make-up in your pack?" she asked him.  
  
"Gladly." He answered, without thinking of the embarrassing consequences that could occur from such a favour. Michelle went back over to her pack and snuck her make-up out. As she was doing so, she heard a soft, quiet voice above her.  
  
"Boromir won't be very happy. Didn't he tell you not to bring your make- up, back in Rivendell?" Michelle stood up very quickly to put a face to the voice, managing to whack her nose off Legolas' chin, in the process. Her hand flew up to her nose to stop the blood, whimpering and sobbing in pain. Though, that didn't stop her from thinking that if she had only been standing just a bit further back, then she might have accidentally kissed him. 'Dammit!' Legolas rubbed his soar chin whilst trying to comfort Michelle.  
  
"Let me see." Said Legolas trying to tend to Michelle's bloody nose. "I think it's broken."  
  
"It can't be." Said Michelle, sounding like she was pinching her nose.  
  
"I assure you it is. Your nose hit my chin quite hard." He said.  
  
"No, I mean, it can't be again. It was broken to start with!" Michelle glared at Mary-Jo.  
  
"Oh, come on, I apologised for that!" said Mary-Jo, knowing exactly what Michelle meant.  
  
"Well, anyway, that doesn't matter. Come with me. Lady Galadriel can probably give you something for the pain, if nothing else." Said Legolas, guiding her away. Pippin watched, anxiously, as Michelle was lead gently away by the careful elf for treatment.  
  
"She will be alright, won't she?" he said.  
  
"I think she'll survive. She's seen much worse." Said Tracey, "There was this one time at school and the class bully was teasing her. Well, as I'm sure you are all very aware by now that Michelle can handle herself. Anyway, she was getting totally racked off by this lad, because he was pushing her over, kicking her, you know, the usual. So, she stood up, when he thought he had won, and she kicked him, really hard, in the-"  
  
"I think we've all heard enough of this story now, thank you Tracey." Said Boromir, cutting in just when everyone was getting interested. He had a horrible habit of doing that.  
  
*****  
  
"I'm really sorry, Legolas. Did I hurt you?" said Michelle, as one of Galadriel's attendants was trying to nurse her nose.  
  
"Honestly, I'm fine." He said, though he was still holding his chin. The attendant finished tending to Michelle's nose and left the room.  
  
"Do you think Pippin is smart enough to get my stuff out of my bag, and do what I asked him?" she said with a giggle. Knowing Pippin, probably not.  
  
"I think he's a bit too worried about you, at the moment. He dotes after you, poor soul. Doesn't know what he's getting himself into." Legolas began to laugh, "Can you imagine, a hobbit and a human?" Michelle joined in the laughter.  
  
"That's almost as bad as a human and an elf!" said Michelle, without thinking. They both stopped laughing. 'SHIT! FUCK! What did I say that for? BOLLOCKS! And I thought it couldn't get any worse! Oh, buggering hell!'  
  
"I think your nose should be alright." Said Legolas, trying to change the subject. He liked Michelle, and didn't want her suffering any unnecessary embarrassment. She would get enough of that from her mates. Michelle stood up and walked towards the door.  
  
"Well, I still have things to sort out. I want to spend some time with Becky and Clare, while I still can." She said, trying to sound light- hearted and not embarrassed, but failing. Her face could have been used as a beacon. She walked away, on the verge of tears.  
  
When she found her friends, she told them what she had said to him. She was disappointed with their reaction. They burst out laughing. Well, she should have known better than to expect sympathy. This is Becky, Clare, Mary-Jo and Tracey we're talking about. None of them take anything seriously, especially not Mary-Jo and Tracey. At least they had found a source of amusement for the evening.  
  
And so, the girls' last night together passed quickly. They rejoined the rest of the fellowship, and spent some of the evening (well, early morning really) with them. Much to the dismay of Michelle, because she had to face Legolas. There were tears and hugs, and they were just from Aragorn and Boromir, and finally they all went to bed. 


	16. The lost girls

1 A/N: Right, I know I've missed out the Argonath, but it's just so boring, and you know what happens anyway (if you don't, why are you here?) so I didn't see the point in writing it! Simple!  
  
2 And yes I've copied bits out of LotR. Don't sue me coz you won't get anything! There's nothing to have, unless you want 78 Orlando Bloom pictures?  
  
3 Anyway, hope you enjoy! Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
4  
  
5 Chapter 16  
  
6  
  
7 Each of the company, that was leaving Lothlorien, was given an elven cloak, which fastened at the neck with a brooch shaped like a green leaf, veined with silver. The cloaks were light but very warm. It was hard to say what colour they were: grey with the hue of twilight under the trees they seemed to be; and yet if they were moved, or set in a different light, they were green as shadowed leaves, or brown as fallow fields by night, dusk- silver as water under the stars.  
  
8  
  
9 Michelle and the girls began to cry again.  
  
"Is crying the only thing girls ever do?" said Sam.  
  
"We may never see each other again! We could be travelling to our deaths! But yeah, sorry we're just over-reacting, sorry!" said Tracey, harshly.  
  
"I don't think you should bother trying to understand, Sam. Girls will forever be a mystery to us men." Sighed Gimli.  
  
"As will men to us." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
The girls all gave each other one last hug, then they had to be separated. They were to travel down the Silverlode in small boats. The Company was arranged into four boats this way: Aragorn, Sam and Frodo were in one boat; Boromir, Merry and Pippin in another; in third were Legolas and Gimli; and in the fourth were Mary-Jo, Tracey and Michelle.  
  
They had only been travelling for 10 minutes, when suddenly "ARGH!" and a splash were heard. Everyone turned to look where the sound was coming from. It turned out it was only Mary-Jo, who had fallen out of her boat.  
  
"No, we will not help you back in the boat." Said Tracey. "It's your own fault for leaning out too far. To look at the 'little fishies' indeed. I mean really, at your age. No. As punishment, you can swim alongside us for a bit."  
  
"MY ARSE!" shouted Mary-Jo, making Tracey jump. "This water is freezing! You are letting me back in this boat, or I'll tip the it over!" Tracey knew she would carry out this threat if she didn't get her way, so she reluctantly dragged her back into the boat. After 5 minutes of silence, Michelle, who was at the front of the boat, finally spoke.  
  
"You all right, Moj?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah. Bit wet, but I'll live!" came an answer.  
  
"You all right, Trace?"  
  
"Yeah. But, will you tell Mary-Jo to stop singing; I'm getting a migraine!" came a second answer.  
  
"My singing isn't that bad… is it?" said Mary-Jo, quite hurt by Tracey's remark.  
  
"Believe me, it is." Tracey replied.  
  
They floated down the River for hours, and finally reached Amon Hen.  
  
"So, where are we?" said Pippin, cheerfully.  
  
"Amon Hen." Replied Aragorn, grumpily. He had a sore back, and arse, from sitting in the boat all day, and wasn't in the best of moods.  
  
"What a crappy name!" said Merry. Gimli sat down and got a fire started, to everyone's delight.  
  
"What's the matter Mr. Frodo?" said Sam, watching his master looking around, as if searching for something.  
  
"Is there something we've forgotten? Something is missing." Everyone looked around to see what was missing. Then Legolas looked at Aragorn.  
  
"THE GIRLS!" they cried at the same time.  
  
"Not again." Said Boromir.  
  
"Do we have to find them this time?" moaned Sam.  
  
"Yes!" squealed Pippin, "Anything could have happened to them! They could have kidnapped by orcs!" Sam and Merry's faces lit up.  
  
"Well, what do we do?" said Gimli "I'm not going after them."  
  
"I will go." Said Aragorn, "But I'm not going alone, they might attack me. Boromir should come with me, it's his niece!"  
  
"Nuh-uh! You lost them, not me! Anyway, someone needs to stay with the hobbits." He said quickly.  
  
"I can look after the hobbits. I'm perfectly capable." Said Gimli, very annoyed at the insinuation that he wasn't. "Go on Boromir, go get your niece. She's your responsibility. You made a promise in Rivendell not to let her come to harm."  
  
"Legolas, you're going with us!" said Boromir, knowing there was no way now he was getting out of it. "They like you. Can't for the life of me think why, but there you go. So, um, yeah, you're going." So Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas got into to a boat and retraced their steps (A/N: or should that be floats?) down the river. They found the girls on a bank, with a really nice, big picnic.  
  
"It took you 4 hours to realise we weren't there?! Are you completely stupid?!?!?!" shouted Mary-Jo when they drew up their boat on the green bank.  
  
"Shut up, Mary-Jo. They weren't the ones that got us lost in the first place." Said Michelle. Then she turned to the three men. "Thank you Uncle Boromir." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Aragorn."  
  
"Don't I get a kiss?" said Aragorn. Michelle sighed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Um, thanks Legolas." She said, whilst going a deep shade of crimson. She stood on her tiptoes (Legolas is very tall. Michelle isn't) and very quickly gave him a kiss. Mary-Jo and Tracey started sniggering.  
  
"Right, now then, shouldn't we be going?" Michelle said, busily picking up their things, trying to change the subject.  
  
The girls packed away their stuff. Aragorn, Boromir and Legolas watched in amazement as the girls packed away 3 bed rolls, 10 sandwiches, 5 apples, an orange, 3 elven cloaks, 1 ream of rope, the clothes they had been wearing before they changed into the spares, 3 hairbrushes and a large rug into 3 small packs.  
  
"How did you do that?" Aragorn asked Tracey.  
  
"It's a girl thing. And before you ask, no. We can't teach how to do it. You have not got the skill to cope with such a task. So get over yourself, and stop flirting." Said Mary-Jo. Aragorn tried to deny what had just been said but just made it worse. So he gave up, went very red, and got in the boat. It was Legolas and Boromir's turn to snigger.  
  
It took them an hour to get back to Parth Galen. When they did Pippin leapt about 5 ft. in the air with joy. Sam and Merry sighed, and Gimli grumbled in his usual manner. After a while, Merry was moaning again,  
  
"Pippin? Have you got any spare food?" he said.  
  
"Yeah, there's some in my pack. I raided the kitchens in Lothlorien and brought some extra stuff with me!" giggled Pippin. Merry made his way over to Pippin's pack. He opened it and found moisturiser, concealer, mascara, a set of eyeshadows, lipstick, Vaseline, lip gloss, blusher, eyebrow- pluckers, nail varnish and eyeliner.  
  
"What the…?! Pippin, why, in the name of all things holy, have you got make-up in your pack?!" shouted Merry. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared at Pippin. He stood still as stone and shook his head furiously.  
  
"M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-" he said whilst pointing at Michelle.  
  
"That's not your mom!" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Pippin, how old are you?" said Merry.  
  
"T-t-twenty nine." He answered feebly.  
  
"And you're calling for your mom? You are such a baby! Now come on, tell us. We all want to know. Have you got a little hobby we should know about?" Pippin looked at Michelle for help.  
  
"It's mine." She said, "There wasn't any room in my bag, so Pippin very kindly took them for the time being. And I'm very grateful."  
  
"I told you to leave that in Rivendell!" said Boromir angrily.  
  
"And you expected me to listen to you? You're dumber than you look."  
  
"What do you need it all for, anyway?" said Legolas, amazed out how much make-up a person can own.  
  
"It is essential to my survival in this fellowship for me to look my best at all times." Merry was going to crack a joke at the point, but decided better of it.  
  
"Essential? I think that is a bit of an exaggeration." Said Aragorn.  
  
"Have you seen her in the morning? Believe me, essential is no exaggeration." Said Tracey.  
  
"Thank you Tracey. And what, exactly, are you trying to say?" Michelle retorted.  
  
"That you're ugly." She said bluntly.  
  
"Bitch." Muttered Michelle.  
  
"Oh, I'm deeply cut." Said Tracey sarcastically. She looked around.  
  
"Where's Frodo and Boromir?" 


	17. The end is nigh... or is it?

A/N: Ever so slightly different to the original, but I don't care. Now, I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I could make this the last chapter and make you all wait 'til December, so I can use TTT as a resource. Or I could continue writing and just use the book. I was going to do the first but writing BN has become a habit and now I don't know what to do. So I'm putting the question to you. Do you want me to continue writing BN after this chapter? Bye peeps!  
  
Luv Elf Crumpet xXx.  
  
Chapter 17  
  
"Michelle, Tracey, Mary-Jo! Go after Merry and Pippin! Make sure you all find cover!" shouted Aragorn, whilst Gimli, Legolas and himself were trying to fight off an army of Orcs and Uruk-Hai.  
  
"But, what about you?" Michelle shouted back.  
  
"I'll be fine! Just run!" The girls ran off in the direction in which Merry and Pippin had gone. They tried to stick together, but they gradually split up. Mary-Jo found her way back to the camp, where she stayed until all the fighting was over. Tracey found Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli, and decided it was safer to stay with them than to run off and find her friends. (A/N: You can see where her priorities lie, can't you?) Michelle found Merry and Pippin.  
  
They hid under a large tree root, and many Orcs and Uruk-Hai passed. After some time, Frodo ran down the hill and stood with his back to a tree opposite them. Michelle and the hobbits (A/N: Sounds like some kind of cheesy pop group doesn't it?!) were in a safer place than Frodo was so, when the coast was clear, they called to him.  
  
"Frodo. Frodo!" said Michelle. Frodo looked around to put a face to the voice but couldn't see anybody.  
  
"Frodo, over here, you dumbass!" hissed Merry. Frodo looked beside him and saw them.  
  
"Hide here quick!" said Pippin. Frodo shook his head. Michelle and Merry realised what he meant, and what he was going to do, but Pippin didn't.  
  
"What's he doing?" he asked, confusedly.  
  
"He's leaving." Muttered Michelle. Understanding dawned on Pippin's face.  
  
"No!" he cried, then leapt out of their hiding place and took a step towards Frodo.  
  
"Pippin! Come back!" said Michelle, jumping out after him. Merry followed her. Suddenly they heard the sound of thudding feet. They looked up to the top of the hill and saw another company of orcs heading their way, even though they hadn't been spotted yet. Michelle looked at the three hobbits and knew what she had to do. Her duty was to the ring.  
  
"Quick, run Frodo, go!" she said. She turned her attention to the orcs. "Hey you!" she yelled. The orcs looked her way. "Yeah you! Come on then, let's see if you can handle me!" Then she grabbed Merry and Pippin's wrists and ran. When they finally got the picture, they ran as quick as their little legs would carry them.  
  
They ran fast and far, but soon realised that orcs were heading straight for them as well as following them. 'This is it. It's over. I'll never see Legolas or the girls or Uncle Boromir ever again. I hope I go quickly and painlessly. Well, at least I helped Frodo escape.' Just as an Uruk-Hai was about to strike them, Boromir leapt forward and countered the blow. That Uruk soon died, but many more were appearing. The four managed to defend themselves fairly well, but were steadily being forced backwards, and soon would be cornered. So Boromir lifted his horn to his lips and let out long call on it. When no help came, they had no choice but to fight with whatever remaining strength they had left.  
  
It seemed like hours to Michelle. 'Why is no-one coming to help us' she thought, 'Do they not care if we die? Or what if they themselves are dead? Alas, we are doomed.' At that moment, she watched her uncle stumble to the ground. When he rose back up, she saw an arrow protruding from his chest. She watched in horror as he bravely continued to fight, but two more arrows found their way to his chest. Finally, he gave up. He fell to the ground. In a mixture of anger, fear and sadness, Michelle seized a sword and attacked with all her might. The hobbits followed her lead, and ran at the orcs. They managed to fight them off at first but then took them and bound them. Unfortunately for the orcs they didn't have any gags.  
  
"GET YOUR FILTHY ORC HANDS OFF ME!" Michelle screamed. "THIS IS CHILD ABUSE! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL MY FATHER HEARS OF THIS! ARGH! LET GO OF ME! YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE ME LIKE THIS! I AM A HUMAN BEING! I HAVE RIGHTS!" She didn't think it would be of any use to scream like that, but she knew the orcs wouldn't like it, so that was a good enough reason for her. But little did she know that Legolas, with his elvish ears, could hear every word clearly. But then again, even Gimli could hear her.  
  
"Yep, that's Michelle." He said to himself. He tried to make his way towards the screams. Unfortunately, the screams were getting further away. He couldn't match the speed of the kidnapper-orcs, as he kept getting waylaid.  
  
"GET OFF ME! YOU STUPID, SMELLY, GOD-FORSAKEN CREATURE!" The screams continued like this for many hours until she was very hoarse and couldn't speak any longer. The orcs ran long into the night with their new winnings. 


	18. Stupid, smelly God-forsaken creatures

A/N: Well, I guess you want me to carry on then. I probably would have done anyway, coz I like writing it, but its nice having positive feedback. Anyway, thanks for your support. I hope you all enjoy TTT part as much as you did the FotR part. Bye-see bye!  
  
Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
PS. Yes I've been busy. I've written the next god knows how many chapters, but haven't been on the net for ages!  
  
1 Chapter 18  
  
Michelle lay silently. She would have carried on screaming if she had any voice left to do so with. She could only speak now in a hoarse whisper. Her back was aching terribly, as she had been thrown down, roughly, on a tree root. Her hair was a mess, and she had no make-up on. 'How I wish I were back at home. I could brush my hair, put on some make-up, and change my clothes. I could get a massage to soothe my back. But wishing will do nothing but torture me and I've got enough of that as it is. I may as well just lie here, and wait to die.' She watched Pippin and Merry. They were out cold, although, Pippin did stir every now and then. Then she saw an orc walk over to them. It kicked each of them hard and ordered them to wake up.  
  
"OOOOWWWW!!" she whispered hoarsely. But before she had a chance to retaliate, another orc picked her up. They were on the move again. She didn't appreciate being treated like this so she began to whisper violent threats down the offending orc's ear.  
  
"Does anybody else want to carry her for a bit?" he said nervously.  
  
"No way! I'd rather do a bungee-jump without the bungee!" was just one of the various replies he received. She had already caused five orcs to kill themselves. They walked on for a couple more hours. Michelle was still whispering down the orc's ear. Eventually he cracked.  
  
"NOOOO!" he screamed, and threw himself to the floor. "I can't take it any more! Mommy!!" he wailed.  
  
"Now there's something you don't see every day." Said Pippin, as he watched Michelle reduce the orc to a blubbering mess. He tried very hard not to laugh, because he knew that if he did, he would be severely punished.  
  
"Well, that's what you get for treating me like a piece of baggage." Michelle said. "Now untie my legs and I will walk on my own." The orcs did as they were told. This girl wasn't to be messed with. When they'd untied her legs, they went to pick up Merry and Pippin.  
  
"And them!" she ordered. So Merry and Pippin were untied too. Suddenly, she felt a whip lash at her legs. Even though she couldn't speak very much, she screamed very loudly. She then had a very disgusting thought. 'But it might just work.'  
  
"I could make it very worth your while if you would just let us go at our own pace." She said, slowly and sweetly. The thought of shagging an orc repulsed her beyond belief, but if it meant getting away from the foul creatures she was willing to try anything. To her half delight and half dismay, she was rejected and felt the whip on her legs again. They began to run.  
  
Long into the night they ran. The time dragged by. But eventually, sunrise was only a couple of hours away, and this caused a stir amongst the army. They stopped on the edge of a cliff.  
  
"What are we going to do at sunrise?" one of the orcs said.  
  
"What do you think? Go on running of course! Did you think we were going to sit on the grass and wait for the whiteskins to join the picnic?" Answered Ugluk, the lead orc.  
  
"But we can't run in sunlight."  
  
"You'll run with me behind you! Run! Or you'll never see you beloved holes again. By the White Hand! What's the use sending out mountain-maggots on a trip, only half trained? Run, curse you! Run while the night lasts!" They ran on.  
  
They ran and ran and ran. When the three captives had started to lag behind, they had had some hideous orc-liquor forced down their throats. But it seemed to do the trick. Michelle, Merry and Pippin had a sudden burst of energy that they didn't even know was in them. It had also sharpened their wits.  
  
Every now and then, Michelle had a vision of Aragorn bending over a trail, and running, running behind. But what could even a Ranger see except a confused trail of orc-feet? The hobbits' and her own footprints would be overwhelmed by the trampling of iron-shod shoes before them, behind them and about them.  
  
They had only gone about a mile or so from the cliff when the land sloped down into a wide shallow depression, where the ground was soft and wet. Mist lay there, pale glimmering in the last rays of a sickle moon. The dark shapes of orcs grew dim, and then were swallowed up.  
  
"Ai! Steady now!" shouted Ugluk from the rear. A sudden thought leapt into Michelle's mind and she acted on it immediately. She swerved aside to the right, and dived out of the reach of her clutching guard, headfirst into the mist; she landed sprawled on the grass.  
  
"HALT!" yelled Ugluk. There was a moment of turmoil and confusion. Michelle sprang to her feet and ran. But orcs ran after her. Some suddenly loomed up in front of her. 'There's no hope of escape then. But there is hope that I left some of my own marks unspoilt on the wet ground.' She groped at her neck and pulled at the silver chain around her neck. The necklace, left to her by her mother, fell into her hands. It tore her heart in two to have to do so, but she threw it down just as long arms and hard claws seized her. 'I suppose it shall never be found. It will lie there for years. Mother, forgive, but it was the only thing I could think of doing. If the others have escaped, they will no doubt have gone with Frodo.' She felt the whip curl around her legs.  
  
"Enough!" cried Ugluk. "She's still got to run a long way yet. Make 'em all run! Just use the whip as a reminder." He turned to Michelle, "But that's not all. I shan't forget. Payment is only put off. Leg it!" So they ran.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile,  
  
"I don't want to walk any more." Moaned Tracey. She threw herself down to the ground. "I'm cold, I'm wet, my feet hurt…"  
  
"You shouldn't have worn peep toe sandals with a three inch heel, then!" said Gimli. Aragorn was feeling the strain.  
  
"Kill me! Kill me now!" he said, whilst smacking his head off a tree. Tracey carried on moaning.  
  
"My back hurts, my head aches, my hair is a mess, and my clothes are uncomfortable."  
  
"Yeah, you've got it really bad, Tracey." Said Legolas, sarcastically. "You're best friend could be lying dead in a ditch. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is that you feel as comfortable as possible."  
  
"I was only saying. No need to be sarcastic."  
  
"Well, don't say. You shouldn't have come with us if you weren't prepared to face situations like this. You would be feeling much worse if you had gone with Frodo." He snapped. Tracey was being unbelievably selfish. All he could think about was what was happening to Merry, Pippin and, most of all, Michelle. All she could think about was herself.  
  
"We haven't time for petty arguments." Said Aragorn, trying to calm himself. "Look, we have come upon the grasses of Rohan. Light feet may run swiftly here. More swiftly, maybe, than iron-shod Orcs. Now we have a chance to lessen their lead!"  
  
They went in single file, running like hounds on a strong scent, and an eager light was in their eyes. Nearly due West, the broad swath of the marching orcs tramped its ugly slot; the sweet grass of Rohan had been bruised and blackened as they passed. Presently, Aragorn gave a cry and turned aside.  
  
"Stay!" he shouted. "Do not follow me yet!" He ran quickly to the right, away from the main trail; for he had seen footprints that went that way, branching off from the others, the marks of unshod feet. These, however, did not go far before they were crossed by orc-prints, also coming out from the main trail behind and in front, and then curved sharply back again and were lost in the trampling. At the furthest point Aragorn stooped and picked up something from the grass; then ran back again.  
  
"Yes, they are quite plain. They aren't orc-prints as they are unshod and too light. They aren't hobbit's footprints as they are too big. That only leaves Michelle. And look at this!" He held silver chain in his hand. Hanging from it was a silver cross, with blue gems encrusted in the middle.  
  
"That's Michelle's!" cried Tracey. "It was her mother's, but Michelle was given it when her mother died. She must have been desperate. She has never let anybody else so much as touch it! She never takes it off, not even to shower. Oh God, I hope she's alright!"  
  
"Well, at least she was alive." Said Gimli.  
  
"And she had the use of her wits, and her legs too." Said Legolas, with a smile. When he was with her, he had grown more than fond of her. "That is heartening. We do not pursue in vain. Let us hope she did not pay too dearly for her boldness. Come! Let us go on! The thought of those three being driven like cattle burns my heart." 


	19. Pippin thicko

1 A/N: I know this chapter is long and crap, but it's needed to fill in a space. I apologise for boring you senseless but please review it anyway. As always, if you've got any ideas, let me know. And if I use your idea but forget to mention you, please don't take it offensively. I have a brain the size of a pea and can't remember everything! See ya!  
  
2 Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
3  
  
4 Chapter 19  
  
5  
  
6 Neither Pippin, Merry nor Michelle remembered much of the later part if the journey. Evil dreams and evil waking were blended into a long tunnel of misery with hope growing fainter behind. They ran and they ran striving to keep the pace set by the Orcs licked every now and again with a cruel whip cunningly handled. If they halted of stumbled they were seized and dragged for some distance.  
  
7  
  
8 The warmth of the orc-liquor had gone. Michelle felt cold and sick again. Suddenly she fell face downward on the turf. Hard hands with rending nails gripped and lifted her. She was carried like a sack once more, and darkness grew about her: whether it was the darkness of another night, or a blindness of her eyes she could not tell.  
  
9  
  
10 When she came to, it was early morning. Michelle was aware of many voices shouting. Some were demanding they halt. She could hear Ugluk's voice. Suddenly she felt herself slammed against the cold ground. She lay listening. She felt a red-hot fire was swimming through her body. She guessed she had been given another draught. An orc walked over to her and threw some stale bread and raw dried flesh in her direction. She reluctantly ate the stale bread, but refused to touch the flesh flung at her.  
  
The fighting continued for a long time. Apparently, some had fled into the forest. And now the Northerners wanted to kill the captives but the Isengarders still refused.  
  
"Very well!" said Ugluk. "Leave them to me! No killing, as I've told you before; but if you want to throw away what we've come all this way to get, throw it away! I'll look after it. Let the fighting Uruk-hai do the work, as usual. If you're afraid of the Whiteskins, run! Run! There's the forest! Get to it! It's your best hope. Off you go! And quick, before I knock a few more heads off, to put some sense into the others!" Some of the orcs that had fled, returned. More fighting occurred, then died down.  
  
The Isengarders grabbed Michelle, Merry and Pippin, slung them on their backs and began to march again. By the afternoon, Ugluk's troop had over taken the Northerners who had fled. They were flagging in the rays of the bright sun. The Isengarders jeered at them as they passed. News came that horsemen were pursuing, and although were still far behind, they were gaining on the Orcs like a tide over the flats on folk straying in quicksand.  
  
The Isengarders began to run at a redoubled pace, that astonished all three captives. It was a terrific spurt, it seemed, to the end of the race. Then she saw that the sun was sinking, falling behind the Misty Mountains; shadows reached over the land. In the dying sun, the soldiers of Mordor lifted their heads and also began to put on speed.  
  
Michelle was feeling incredibly lonely. She hadn't spoken in two days. She often saw Pippin and Merry sneak snippets of whispers to each other. She wished she could do the same. Her thoughts then wondered to the rest of the fellowship. Where were they? Were they alive? What had happened to Frodo and the ring? Were they OK? Was Legolas OK? All these questions swam through her mind. Tears began to roll down her face. 'There's no hope.' She thought, 'I going to die slowly and painfully, in the hands of the enemy. What's worse is I don't even know why I'm not dead yet.'  
  
Night came, and the horsemen had encircled. A small band of Orcs disobeyed Ugluk's orders and ran towards the forest: only three returned.  
  
"Well, here we are," sneered Grishnakh, leader of the Northerners. "Fine leadership! I hope Ugluk will lead us out again."  
  
"Put the captives down!" ordered Ugluk, taking no notice of Grishnakh. "You, Lugdush, get two others and stand guard over them! They're not to be killed, unless the filthy Whiteskins break through. Understand? As long as I'm alive, I want 'em. But they're not to cry out, and they're not to be rescued. Bind their legs!" So their legs were bound again.  
  
The orcs made a great deal of noise, shouting and clashing their weapons, the three to whisper for a while.  
  
"I don't think much of this!" grumbled Merry.  
  
"I know how you feel." Said Michelle.  
  
"I know it was days ago now, but well done for making that orc cry, and for making some of them kill themselves." Said Pippin  
  
"Thank you. But really, it's easy when you know how! I feel nearly done in. Don't think I could crawl away far, even if I was free."  
  
"Lembas!" said Pippin, "Lembas: I've got some. Have you? I don't think they took anything but our swords."  
  
"Yeah, but Pip? In case you hadn't noticed, we're tied up. There's a small matter of how do we get it to our mouths even if we have got some?" said Michelle. "We can't get our mouths to our pockets."  
  
"You won't have to." Replied Pippin. "I've-" but he was cut off by a savage kick. The noise had died down and the guards were watchful.  
  
The night was cold and still. The fighting had broken out again. Some wanted to break through the ring of horsemen as they slept. Ugluk was having none of it. He reassured most of them that if they broke through, the horsemen would scatter, but bring more the following day.  
  
Suddenly, there was an outcry on the east side of the knoll they were on. All the Isengarders, including their guards, ran in that direction. Merry, Michelle and Pippin all sat up. But if they had any thoughts of escape, it was soon dashed. A long hairy arm grabbed each of them and drew them close together. Dimly, Michelle became aware of Grishnakh's great head and hideous face. She shuddered as hard, cold fingers groped down her back.  
  
"Well, my little ones!" said Grishnakh in a sort whisper. "Enjoying your nice rest? Or not? A little awkwardly placed, perhaps: sword and whips on one side, and nasty spears on the other! Little people should not meddle in affairs too big for them!" His fingers continued to grope the three of them. There was a light like a pale but hot fire behind his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, actually we were just remarking your hospitality. We're loving the treatment, aren't we lads?" said Michelle.  
  
"Mmmm." Muttered the hobbits.  
  
"Hush your talk, girl. Or you'll wish you'd never been born!" hissed Grishnakh.  
  
Michelle had a sudden thought: 'Grishnakh knows about the Ring! He's looking for it, whilst Ugluk's busy: he probably wants it for himself.' Michelle wondered how she could use this knowledge to her advantage.  
  
"I don't think you'll find it that way," she whispered. "It isn't easy to find."  
  
"Find it?" said Grishnakh: his fingers stopped crawling and gripped Michelle's shoulder. "Find what? What are you talking about, little girl?" She stayed silent for a moment. Then Pippin caught on to what she was doing. He made a noise in his throat: gollum, gollum.  
  
"Nothing, my precious," he added. The captives felt Grishnakh's fingers twitch.  
  
"O ho!" hissed the goblin, softly. "That's what she means, is it? O ho! Very ve-ry dangerous, my little ones." Merry also became alert to Michelle's thinking.  
  
"Perhaps," he whispered, "Perhaps; and not only for us. Still you know your own business best. Do you want it, or not? And what would you give for it?" Grishnakh was very puzzled.  
  
"Do I want it? Do I want it? What would I give for it? What do you mean?"  
  
"We mean," said Michelle, choosing her words carefully, "that it's no good groping in the dark. We could save you time and trouble. But first you must untie our legs, or we'll do nothing, and say nothing."  
  
"My tender little fools," hissed Grishnakh, "everything you have, and everything you know, will be got out of you in due time: everything! You'll wish there was more that you could tell to satisfy the Questioner, indeed you will: quite soon. We shan't hurry the enquiry. "Oh dear no! What do you think you've been kept alive for? My dear little fellows please believe me when I say that it was not out of kindness: that's not even one of Ugluk's faults."  
  
"It's quite easy to believe." Said Merry. "But you're not home yet, and it's not all going your way is it? If we get to Isengard, it won't be great Grishnakh that benefits: Saruman will take all. If you want anything, now's your chance." At the name of Saruman, Grishnakh grew angry.  
  
"Have you got it – any of you?" he snarled.  
  
"Gollum, gollum!" said Pippin.  
  
"Untie our legs!" demanded Michelle. At this, Grishnakh lost it completely. He seized them. He tucked the hobbits under each arm, and held Michelle with his hands. He ran forward about a dozen yards then halted and listened. Nothing, so he carried on. He squatted down and listened again. Then he stood up as if to risk a sudden dash. At that moment, the dark form of a rider loomed up in front of him. A horse snorted and reared, and a man called out.  
  
Grishnakh threw himself to the ground, dragging the captives under him. He drew his sword, as if to kill them but the horseman shot an arrow through his hand. He dropped his sword, leapt up and ran, but was ridden down and a spear passed through him. The captives remained still. Another horseman joined his comrade. Whether because of some special keenness of sight or some other sense, the horse sprang lightly over them; but it's rider didn't see them, lying covered in their elven-cloaks, too crushed for the moment, too afraid to move. 


	20. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit

1 A/N: This chapter isn't very funny either. Don't worry it will get more interesting when the fellowship get back together, I promise! Bye peeps!  
  
Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 20  
  
At last Merry softly spoke.  
  
"So far so good: but how are we to avoid being spitted?" The answer came immediately. The cries on Grishnakh had roused the Orcs. From the yells and screeches that came from the knoll they were on. They guessed their disappearance had been discovered. Ugluk was probably knocking off a few more heads. Then suddenly answering cries of orc-voices came from the right, out side the circle of watch fires from the direction of the forest and the mountains. Maurhúr had apparently arrived and was attacking the besiegers. There was the sound of galloping horses. The riders were drawing in their ring close around the knoll, risking the orc-arrows, so as to prevent any sortie, while a company rode off to deal with the newcomers.  
  
Suddenly, Michelle realised that, without moving, they were now outside the circle: there was nothing between them and escape.  
  
"Now," said Michelle, "if only we had our legs and hands free, we might get away. But I can't touch the knots and I can't bite them.  
  
"No need to try." Said Pippin. "I was going to tell you: I've managed to free my hands. These loops are just for show. You'd better have a bit of lembas first. No doubt you're tired out from all that screaming you did, a few days back." He chuckled. He slipped the cords off his wrists and fished out a packet. The cakes were broken, but good, still in their leaf wrappings. They ate two or three pieces each. The taste brought back to them the memory of fair faces, and laughter, and wholesome food in quiet days now far away. For a while they ate thoughtfully, sitting in the dark, heedless of the cries of battle nearby.  
  
Tears welled in Michelle's eyes. She was thinking about Boromir. Her mother died when she was 8 years old, and her father was always out on errands for her grandfather. Boromir, however, rarely left Minas Tirith, her home. She saw more of Boromir than she did her own father. He had been a father, and friend to her, always there for her. She recalled his death: three arrows to the chest. The tears spilled over and ran down her face.  
  
Pippin was the first to speak after the long silence.  
  
"We must be off," he said, "Half a moment." Grishnakh's sword was lying close at hand, but it was too heavy and clumsy for him to use, so he crawled forward, and finding the body of a goblin he drew from its sheath a long, sharp knife. With this, he quickly cut their bonds.  
  
"Now for it!" he said. "When we've warmed up a bit, perhaps we shall be able to stand again, and walk. But in any case we had better start by crawling."  
  
"I ain't crawling!" cried Michelle. "It will ruin the knees of my trousers!" She stood up, only to collapse again on the floor. She remembered she hadn't used her legs for nearly two days.  
  
"Crawling it is then." She said, shame-faced. They crawled. The turf was deep and yielding, and that helped them; but it was a long, slow business. They went on like this for 10 minutes, and then stood up.  
  
"There's something missing." Said Michelle. "Now let's see: Lembas, cloak, Merry… MERRY!" They ran back to where they had been eating. Merry was fast asleep on the floor. Michelle and Pippin laughed, causing Merry to wake.  
  
"What's so funny?" he said, sleepily. He stood up slowly. "Here, hadn't we better get going. No good wasting time now is it? We must get under cover." Michelle and Pippin laughed again. Merry was very confused, but the sound of laughter, which he hadn't heard in a long time, lightened his heart, and he left the other two to their private joke.  
  
"Yes, we should get going." Said Michelle. "It will not be any comfort to us, if these riders discover that we are not Orcs after we are dead."  
  
"No doubt you're hungry, my good fellow!" said Pippin to Merry, and handed him some lembas. Merry took it gladly, and took no time to eat it.  
  
"Those cords have cut me like wires; but my feet are getting warm again. I could stagger on now. What about you?" said Pippin.  
  
"Yes," answered Merry. "I can manage it. Lembas does put heart into you! A more wholesome sort if feeling than orc-draught. I wonder what it was made of. Better not to know, I expect. Let's get a drink of water to wash away the thought of it."  
  
"Not here," said Pippin, "the banks are too steep. Forward now!"  
  
"Yes sir." Said Michelle, with a salute to Pippin.  
  
They turned and walked side by side slowly to the river, then along the line of the river. Behind them the light grew in the East. As they walked, Merry and Pippin talked lightly in hobbit-fashion of the things had happened since their capture, while Michelle was, once again, left to her own grievous thoughts.  
  
The hobbits were discussing what they should do next. Go forward or backward.  
  
"We are walking west along the Entwash. The butt-end of the Misty Mountains is in front, and Fangorn forest." Said Merry, very matter-of- factly.  
  
"Lead on, Cousin Brandybuck!" said Pippin. "Or lead back! We have been warned against Fangorn. But one so knowing will not have forgotten that."  
  
"I have not, but the forest seems better to me, all the same, than turning back into the middle of a battle."  
  
"Whatever do you mean, Master Meriadoc?" said Michelle. "I would much rather go back and walk through the middle of the battle."  
  
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." Said Merry, tonelessly.  
  
"And that's why I like it." She replied cheerfully. She walked off in the direction Merry had suggested. Very annoyed at the fact he had been beaten, Merry pushed his way in front of her, whilst mumbling insults under his breath.  
  
Merry led the way under the huge branches of the trees. Old beyond guessing, they seemed. Great trailing beards of lichen hung from them, blowing and swaying in the breeze. Out of the shadows Merry, Pippin and Michelle peeped, gazing back down the slope: little furtive figures that in the dim light looked like elf-children in the deeps of time peering out of the Wild Wood in wonder at their first dawn.  
  
When the sounds of battle began to draw near again, Michelle, Merry and Pippin went with as much speed as the dark and tangled forest allowed. They followed the line of the running stream, westward and up towards the slopes of the mountains, deeper and deeper into Fangorn. Slowly their fear of the Orcs died away, and their pace slackened. A queer stifling feeling came over, as if the air were too thin or too scanty for breathing. At last they halted.  
  
"We can't go on like this," Michelle panted. "I need some air."  
  
"Let's have a drink at any rate," said Pippin. "I'm parched." He clambered up onto a great tree root that wound down into the stream, and stooping drew up some water in his cupped hands. It was clear and cold, and he took many draughts. Merry and Michelle followed his lead.  
  
"I suppose you haven't lost us already?" said Michelle, leaning back against a great tree-trunk. "We can at least follow the course of this stream, the Entwash or whatever you call it, and get out again the way we came."  
  
"We could if our legs would do it." Said Merry; "and if we could breathe properly."  
  
"Yes it is all very dim and stuffy in here." Said Pippin. "It reminds me, somehow, of the old room in the Great Place of the Tooks, away back in the Smials at Tuckborough: a huge place where the furniture has never been moved or changed for generations. They say…"  
  
"Alright Pip, we get the picture!" said Michelle. She wasn't in the mood for a lecture on the Took family history. Then she became aware of a yellow light that had appeared some way further into the wood: shafts of sunlight seemed to have suddenly pierced the forest-roof.  
  
"The sun must have run into a cloud while we've been under these trees," she said. "And now it has run out again; or else it has climbed high enough to look down through some opening. It isn't far – let's go investigate!" 


	21. Treebeard

1 A/N: This chapter is very much just 'this happened, then that happened' without any detail. The reason is I find this part of the book very boring, and its too long to write much about it. If you're confused read TTT and substitute my Michelle bits into it, then you should be fine. Like I said, once we have Legolas and Michelle back together, things might liven up a bit, you never know! Ciao people!  
  
2 Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
3  
  
4 Chapter 21  
  
It was further than it looked. The ground was still rising steeply, and was now becoming increasingly stony. The light grew broader as they went on, and soon they saw that there was a rock-wall before them: the side of a hill, or the abrupt end of some long root thrust out by the distant mountains. No trees grew on it, and the sun was falling full on its stony face. The twigs of trees at its foot were stretched out stiff and still, as if reaching out to the warmth.  
  
In the face of the stony wall there was something like a stair: natural perhaps, and made by the weathering and splitting of rock, for it was rough and uneven. High up, almost level with the tops of the forest-trees, there was a shelf under a cliff. Nothing grew there but a few grasses and weeds at its edge, and one old stump of a tree with only two branches left: it looked almost like the figure of some gnarled old man, standing there, blinking in the morning light.  
  
"Up we go!" said Merry, cheerfully. "Now for a breath of air and a sight of the land!" They climbed and scrambled up the rock. If the stair had been made, it was for bigger feet and longer legs than theirs. They eventually came to the shelf, almost at the feet of the old stump. They turned around and looked eastward. They saw that they had only come three or four miles into the forest: the heads of the trees marched down the slopes towards the plain. There, near the fringe of the forest, tall spires of curling black smoke went up, wavering and floating towards them.  
  
"The wind is changing," said Merry. "It's turned east again. It feels cool up here."  
  
"Yes," said Michelle. "I'm afraid this is only a passing gleam, and it will all go grey again."  
  
"What a pity!" said Pippin, "This shaggy old forest looked so different in the sunlight. I almost felt I liked the place."  
  
"Thought you liked the forest? That's good." Came a voice from behind them. "That's uncommonly kind of you. Turn around and let me have a look at your faces. I almost feel that I dislike you all, but do not let us be hasty. Turn around." Michelle snapped out of the trance she was in at the sound of the strange voice. She turned around and looked at the large Man- like, almost Troll-like, figure, at least 14 ft. high, very sturdy, with a tall head and hardly any neck.  
  
"ARGH!" she screamed. She tripped over her own feet as she tried to back away in fear. "OH MY GOD! A TALKING TREE!" The creature sighed, and lifted the tree of them in the air to look at them properly. Whether it was clad in stuff like green and grey bark, or whether that was its hide, was difficult to say. At any rate the arms, at a short distance from the trunk, were not wrinkled, but covered with a brown, smooth skin. The large feet had seven toes each. The lower part of the long face was covered with a sweeping grey beard, bushy, almost twiggy at the roots, thin and mossy at the ends. But at the moment, they all noticed little but the eyes. These deep eyes were now surveying them, slow and solemn, but very penetrating. They were brown, shot with a very green light.  
  
"Hrum, Hoom," murmured the voice, a deep ice like a very deep woodwind instrument, "Very odd indeed! Do not be hasty, that is my motto."  
  
"What's a motto?" whispered Pippin to Merry, curiously.  
  
"Nothing, what's the motto with you?" Merry said, before cracking up and falling over from laughing. When he eventually stopped he stood up again. "Or not."  
  
"Anyway," it continued talking to the hobbits. "But if I had seen you, before I heard your voices – I liked them: they remind me of something I cannot remember – if I had seen you before I heard you, I should have trodden on you, taking you for little Orcs, and found my mistake afterwards. Very odd you are, indeed. Root and twig, very odd!" Pippin then plucked up the courage to ask the question burning in his mind.  
  
"Please," he said, "Who are you? And what are you?"  
  
"Hrum, now," it said, "Well, I am an Ent, or that's what they call me. Yes, Ent is the word. The Ent, I am, you might say, in your manner of speaking. Fangorn is my name according to some, Treebeard others make it. Treebeard will do."  
  
"An Ent?" said Merry, "What's that? But what do you call yourself? What's your real name?"  
  
"Hoo now!" replied Treebeard. "Hoo! Now that would be telling! Not so hasty. And I am doing the asking. You are in my country. What are you, I wonder? I cannot place you. You," he said to Michelle - who was shaking with fear 1) from the height, and 2) from the fact that a tree was talking to her, "You are of the men."  
  
"Human, thank you very much." Said Michelle, indignantly but still frightened. "I am not a man, I am a woman!" Treebeard ignored her.  
  
"But you do not seem to come into the lists that I learned when I was young. But that was a long, long time ago, and they may have made new lists. Let me see! Let me see! How did it go?" Treebeard recited part of a list, in which hobbits weren't mentioned.  
  
The conversation continued for quite a while, and covered many topics. Firstly they discussed hobbits being left out of all old lists and stories, then Merry and Pippin introduced themselves and Michelle, then they spoke about Ents, then about their being in Fangorn, then about Saruman and Gandalf, then finally about what Merry, Pippin and Michelle were going to do. They left all their belongings at Parth Galen and had little provisions. It was decided that they would go to Treebeard's home.  
  
Through all of this conversation, and that which was held in going to Treebeard's home, Michelle stayed silent. She was lost in her own thoughts. Mostly, she thought about Boromir, though her mind did often wander to fellowship. The same questions ran through her mind. Where were they? Were they alive? Were they together? Michelle had to stop herself from crying again.  
  
It was dusk by the time they reached Treebeard's home.  
  
"Hm! Here we are!" Treebeard said, breaking his long silence. "I have brought you about seventy-thousand ent-strides, but what that comes to in the measurement of your land I do not know. Anyhow we are near the roots of the Last Mountain. Part of the name of this place might be Wellinghall, if it were turned into your language. I like it. We will stay here tonight." He set them down on the grass between the aisles of trees, and they followed him towards a great arch. For the moment, Treebeard stood beneath the rain of a falling spring, and took a deep breath; then laughed and passed inside.  
  
Inside stood a great stone table, but no chairs. At the back of the bay it was already quite dark. Treebeard tree great vessels and stood them on the table. They seemed to be filled with water; but he held his hands them, and immediately they began to glow, one with golden light, one with a rich green light and one with a pale red light; the blending of the three lights lit the bay, as if the sun of summer was shining through a roof of young leaves.  
  
Treebeard asked them about their 'tale'. He got them to describe every last detail. He got Merry and Pippin to describe the Shire over and over again, then asking them if they ever saw Entwives. This puzzled the hobbits immensely, not knowing what an Entwife was. The conversation then changed to Wizards, then back to Entwives again. Treebeard recited them an elvish song about Ents and Entwives, then retired to bed. Well, actually, to stand being as Ents stand up to sleep. 


	22. Boring!

1 A/N: This is VERY boring. Don't read if you don't want to, nothing happens, and I mean NOTHING!  
  
2 Right just going to warn you now, the next chapter will be Isengard. I'm not following Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Tracey, and we don't know what happens in Isengard, other than what Merry and Pippin tell us. So ch. 23 is going to leap forward about 4 chapters of the book. Sorry for boring you senseless with these crappy filling-in parts!  
  
3 Luv Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
4  
  
5 Chapter 22  
  
Merry and Pippin woke the next morning to find a cool sun shining into the great court, and on the floor of the bay. Treebeard was not to be seen, and neither was Michelle to start with, but they soon saw that she was sitting in the court.  
  
"Sleep well?" said Merry, making her jump.  
  
"Not really. In fact, not at all. I wasn't tired so I sat out here." She said. Just then, Treebeard returned.  
  
"Hoo, ho! Good morning!" he boomed when he saw them. "You sleep long." He said to the hobbits. "I have been many a hundred strides already today. Now we will have a drink, and go to Entmoot.  
  
"Where is Entmoot?" Pippin ventured to ask  
  
"Hoo, eh? Entmoot?" said Treebeard, turning round. "It is not a place, it is a gathering of Ents – which does not often happen nowadays. But I have managed to make a fair number promise to come. We shall meet in the place where we have always met: Derndingle Men call it. It is away south from here. We must be there before noon."  
  
Before long they set off. Treebeard carried the three of them, as he had done the previous day. At the entrance to the court, he turned to the right, stepped over the stream and strode away southwards along the feet of the great tumbled slopes where the trees were scanty. Soon he turned a little away from the hills and plunged into deep groves, where trees were larger, taller and thicker than any they had ever seen before. Treebeard did not talk to them. He hummed to himself deeply and thoughtfully, but they caught no proper words: it sounded like 'boom, boom, rumboom, boorar, boom, boom, dahrar boom boom, dahrar, boom', and so on with a constant change of note and rhythm. Now and again they thought they heard an answer, a hum or a quiver of sound, that seemed to come out of the earth, or from the boughs above their heads, or perhaps from the boles of the trees. But Treebeard did not stop or turn his head to either side.  
  
They were travelling much of the day. When they reached Entmoot, they found several Ents had already arrived. More were coming down various paths. Merry, Pippin and Michelle had all expected to see a number of creatures that looked much like Treebeard, and they were very much surprised to see nothing of the kind. The Ents were as different from one another as one tree is from another of the same name but quite different growth and history. At first they were struck chiefly by the variety that they saw: many shapes, and colours, the differences in girth ad height, and the length of leg and arm; and in the number of toes and fingers (anything from three to nine).  
  
As soon as the whole company was assembled, standing in a circle, Treebeard began a curious and unintelligible conversation. It was very long- winded, and though pleasant to listen to, it became quite tiresome after listening to it for a long time. Treebeard soon noticed Pippin's was wavering, as he had begun to fidget.  
  
"Hm, ha, hey, my Pippin!" said Treebeard, "You are hasty folk, I was forgetting; and anyway it is wearisome listening to a speech you do not understand. You may get down now. I have told your names to the Entmoot, and they have seen you, and they have agreed you are not Orcs, and that a new line shall be put in the old lists. We have got no further yet, but that is quick work for an Entmoot. You can stroll about the dingle, if you like. There is a good well of water, if you need refreshing, away yonder on the north bank. There are still some words to be said before the Moot really begins. I will come and see you again, and tell you how things are going." And with that he put them down and turned back to the Moot.  
  
Merry, Pippin and Michelle climbed up the path that came in from the west, and looked through an opening in the great hedge. As they looked all about them, Pippin wondered in which direction Isengard was. They talked joyfully about Ents and such. As they went about their business they could constantly hear the murmur of Ents. Eventually there came a pause in the voices, and they saw Treebeard and another Ent, Quickbeam, approaching them. Treebeard told them they had finished the first stage of the Moot, but they would still be there for a couple more days. But Quickbeam, it seemed had already made up his mind and felt he no longer needed to remain at the Moot.  
  
"Hm, hm, he is the nearest thing among us to a hasty Ent. You ought to get on together. Good-bye!" Quickbeam stayed silent for some time. They wondered when he would show any sign of 'hastiness'. Finally he spoke.  
  
"Ha, hmm, my friends, let us go for a walk!" he said. "I am Bregalad, that is Quickbeam in your language. But it is only a nickname, of course. They have called me that ever since I said yes to an elder Ent before he had finished his question. Also, I drink quickly, and go out while some are still wetting their beards. Come with me!"  
  
He reached down two shapely arms and sat Merry, Pippin and Michelle on his long fingered hands. All that day they walked about in the woods with him singing and laughing. At nightfall he brought them to his ent-house: nothing more than a mossy stone set upon turves under a green bank. They talked for a while as darkness fell on the forest. Not far away the voices of the Entmoot could be heard still going on; but now they seemed deeper and less leisurely, and every now and again one great voice would rise high and quickening music, while all the others died away.  
  
The second day came and went, with activity such as the day before. The third day broke, bleak and windy. Merry, Pippin and Michelle spent the morning with Quickbeam, laughing, talking, singing and joking. The afternoon came, and the sun, going west towards the mountains, sent out long yellow beams between the cranks and fissures of the clouds. Suddenly they were aware that everything was very quiet; the whole forest stood in the listening silence. Of course, the Entvoices had stopped. What did it mean? Quickbeam was standing upright and tense, looking back northwards towards Derndingle. Then with a crash came a great ringing shout: ra-hoom- rah! The trees quivered and bent as if a gust had struck them. There was another pause, and then a marching music began like solemn drums, and above the rolling beats and booms there welled voices singing high and strong.  
  
"We come, we come with roll and drum: ta-runda runda runda rom!  
  
The Ents were coming: ever nearer and louder rose their song:  
  
"We come, we come with horn and drum: ta-runa runa runa rom!  
  
Quickbeam picked up Merry, Pippin and Michelle and strode from his house to join the Ents. Before long they saw a long line of marching Ents. Treebeard was at their head, and some fifty followers were behind him, two abreast, keeping step with their feet and beating time with their hands upon their flanks.  
  
"Come join the Moot!" called Treebeard. "We are off! We are off to Isengard!"  
  
"To Isengard! To Isengard!" cried many Entvoices. Quickbeam swung into the line beside Treebeard. He gave the hobbits back to the old Ent, but Michelle remained on Quickbeam's hand. They travelled through the afternoon, into the evening and long into the night, with only one task in mind: to bring down Saruman. 


	23. Should Aragorn have a change of career?

1 Chapter 23  
  
There they saw close beside them a great rubble heap; and suddenly they became aware of two small figures lying on it at ease, grey-clad, hardly to be seen among the stones. There were bottles and bowls and platters laid about them, as if they had just eaten well and now rested from their labour. One seemed asleep; the other with crossed legs and arms leaned back against a broken rock sending long wisps and little rings of blue smoke from his mouth.  
  
The small smoke-breathing figure soon became aware of the company and sprang to his feet. Seeming not to observe the wizard and his friends, he turned to Eomer and the king.  
  
"Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" he said. "We are the door-wardens. Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companions, who, alas! Is overcome with weariness-" he gave the other a dig with his foot "-is Peregrin, son of Paladin, of the house of Took. Far in the north is our home. The Lord Saruman is within; but at the moment is closeted with one Wormtongue, or doubtless he would be here to welcome such honourable guests."  
  
"Doubtless he would!" laughed Gandalf. "And was it Saruman that ordered you to guard his damaged doors and watch for the arrival of guests when your attention could be spared from plate and bottle?"  
  
"No good sir, the matter esc-" but he was cut off.  
  
"We don't care about any of that!" cried Tracey. "Where's Michelle?! Why isn't she here?"  
  
"Argh! You!!!" said Merry, seeing Tracey. "Sorry, scared me a bit there. Well, I'm afraid I can't answer that one. She went off a couple of hours ago. And to be honest, Pippin and I are worried about her. She hasn't slept in three days and has barely eaten anything. Something is wrong." Legolas and Tracey were worried at this news.  
  
"Hate to spoil the fun." Said Gandalf. "But aren't you meant to be telling us something?"  
  
"Eh? Oh right yeah! Go see Treebeard. Northern wall. Food blah, blah, blah. Wants to talk to you." Gandalf laughed.  
  
Gandalf and the King's company rode away eastward to make the circuit of the ruined walls of Isengard. But Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Tracey remained behind. They came and sat down by the hobbits.  
  
"Well, well!" said Aragorn. "The hunt is over, and we meet again at last, where none of us ever thought to come."  
  
"And now the great ones have gone to discuss high matters, "said Gimli, "the hunters can perhaps learn the answers to their own small riddles. We tracked you as far as the forest, but there are still many things that I should like to know the truth of."  
  
"I wish to know more of Michelle." Said Tracey, deep concern was in her voice. "Why has she not slept? If you've done anything…"  
  
" 'Tisn't us." Cried Pippin. "All through our terrible encounter with those beastly orcs, she seemed to be, emotionally, the strongest. She reduced an orc to tears, and caused five of them to kill themselves. She was also the smartest. She left you a clue, and she guessed old Grishnakh's game. But as soon as we escaped, she changed. She went all quiet, and thoughtful."  
  
"Tracey, I think you should go and find her." Said Aragorn. "You're right Merry, something is wrong. She needs a friend." Suddenly a voice sounded from behind them.  
  
"Ooh! Get you! Aragorn, the agony uncle!" They turned around and saw Michelle standing there, arms crossed, with a smirk on her face and an eyebrow raised.  
  
"Michelle!" cried Tracey. She leapt up and threw her arms around Michelle's neck. She started to cry.  
  
"What you crying for, you silly mare?!" Michelle said, laughing.  
  
"We didn't know whether you were dead or alive! I didn't think I'd ever see you again!" sobbed Tracey.  
  
"You're unbelievably stupid, do you know that? Did you honestly think I was going to let some smelly, dumbass orc drag me all the way to Isengard, and then get questioned by some silly old fart with a stick, that calls himself a wizard? If you did, then you don't know me as well as you thought you did!" Tracey glared angrily at Pippin.  
  
"Changed?!" she cried. "Quiet and thoughtful?! Yeah, I see what you mean. And I'm queen of Gondor! She's no different than when I last saw her! Honestly, getting me all worked up like that."  
  
"I… but… she was… Merry, I'm not imagining, am I? She was different, wasn't she?" said Pippin.  
  
"Uh-huh! Different, changed, not the same at all." Merry said, also very confused at her sudden change of character.  
  
"Anyway, hello Aragorn." Michelle said, with a shifty look at Tracey and smile at Aragorn. "I hope you are well. I apologise for dragging you all this way. Not exactly the direction you were headed is it?"  
  
"That's quite alright." He replied. "I'm just glad the three of you are safe."  
  
"As am I." Said Legolas. He looked at Michelle, but then looked away shyly.  
  
"Well, I'm just glad we're back together." She looked around. "Hang on. No we're not. Where's Mary-Jo?"  
  
"We think she went with Frodo and Sam?" said Tracey. "I reckon she had a bit of a thing for Frodo. She was always talking about him, and always near him. Sam's going to have a bit of a run for his money." Everyone laughed. "Can you imagine, a hobbit and a human?" Everyone but Legolas and Michelle laughed again. They looked at each other. Lothlorien. They both knew the next sentence, but were both thinking 'Is it so stupid? A human and an Elf? Of course it is.' Michelle tried to change the subject.  
  
"Have you eaten?" she said, quickly. "I see your hosts have helped themselves to what was in the guard-house, even though I told them to wait."  
  
"No, we haven't." said Aragorn, sensing the tension, but deciding to let it be.  
  
"Then you shall have it." Said Pippin.  
  
"Any pipe-weed?" said Gimli.  
  
"No, I don't think so," laughed Merry. "But that is another story, which can wait 'til after lunch."  
  
"I will not join you." Said Michelle. "I am not hungry, and do not wish to sit and watch you. I shall sit out here."  
  
"Very well." Said Gimli. "Then let us go and have lunch!"  
  
The hobbits led the way towards the guard-house. But Aragorn held back for a moment.  
  
"Legolas." Legolas turned and looked at him. "Go and speak to Michelle. Something has happened though I know not what. You should sort it out, if there is to be peace in our company. Oh, and give her this." Aragorn gave Michelle's necklace to Legolas, and then followed the hobbits. 


	24. Love, life and necklaces

1 Chapter 24  
  
Legolas didn't go back to Michelle immediately. He knew what he wanted to say, but how could he? He looked at the necklace. 'Well, at least I have one reason for going to her. At least I won't look like a complete idiot.' He walked back towards the entrance of Isengard.  
  
Michelle was pacing backwards and forwards, angrily. She was scolding herself.  
  
"Dammit! You'd think I'd be over him by now, wouldn't you? But no, I like him more than ever! Why must I have this pathetic crush!"? She stopped walking, sat down on the grass and began to cry. 'I've got no family and I'll never get Legolas!' she thought. She sat with her head in her hands crying, not knowing what else to do. What would happen when all this was over? Where would she go?  
  
"Had we known you hated us this much, we'd have gone with Frodo?" said a voice. She turned around and saw Legolas with a smile on his face.  
  
"What? Oh, you… no, I wasn't…" she didn't know what to say. She stood up and wiped the tears from her eyes. She felt very embarrassed that he had seen her crying.  
  
"I'm sorry, I just… it doesn't matter. Your probably not interested anyway." She said, before turning around and sitting back down again.  
  
"I find that speaking about problems usually helps a lot. And I don't mind, as long as you don't." said Legolas, whilst seating himself next to her.  
  
"I was just thinking about Boromir, mainly." She said. "I watched him die. Do you know what that is like, Legolas? To watch someone you love be killed. And all I did was stand there, watching, like I didn't know how to use a sword." She broke down crying again. "Why him? Why not me? I haven't been any of use on this stupid quest! I wouldn't matter if I had died!"  
  
"That is not true, Michelle, and you know it." Legolas said.  
  
"Yes it is! I am unimportant! Boromir was High Warden of the White Tower, and was to be Lord of Minas Tirith when my grandfather died. Me, what am I? A puny little 15-year old girl with no family and no life!"  
  
"Michelle, you are as valid in the fellowship as Aragorn or Gandalf. You must never think otherwise."  
  
"Why do they all leave me Legolas?" she said, sobbing into his shoulder, paying no heed to anything he was saying.  
  
"Why do who leave you?" he replied. She wasn't making any sense.  
  
"I've got no mother, Boromir has gone now too, and I haven't seen my father in over a year, through no fault of his own. Why does everyone I love always leave me?"  
  
"I won't leave you." He said quietly. Michelle lifted her head to look at him. Had she heard right? Did that mean…? But before she had a chance to ask him any these questions, she found Legolas had leant forward and was kissing her.  
  
How he had longed for her touch. It was everything he had expected, and more. She returned the kiss fully, which made even more enjoyable. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her whole-heartedly.  
  
They eventually pulled apart. Michelle looked at Legolas in complete amazement.  
  
"You look as if you've never seen an Elf before." He laughed.  
  
"I just never dared to even dream that that would ever actually happen. I'm… just… well, I don't know what I am, apart from very happy!"  
  
"Well, I'm about to make you even happier. I believe this is yours." He held up the silver necklace and Michelle's face lit up.  
  
"My necklace!" she cried. "You found it! I thought I would never see it again! Thank you so much!" she threw her arms around his neck, then she took the necklace from him and put it on. "I don't think you realise just how happy you've made me! And all in the space of about 10 minutes! Your not just a pretty face, after all!"  
  
"Well, I can't help being brilliant!" he said. "But, seriously now. Is it true you haven't slept or eaten for days?"  
  
"Oh, don't you start! I had enough of that off them two! OK, yes it's true, but I don't see how it matters."  
  
"You will be ill if you don't do so soon."  
  
"Yes, mom." She giggled.  
  
"I am being serious, Michelle. You need to eat, if nothing else. And I will force you, if I have to. But hopefully it shouldn't come to that." He was very concerned about her health. If she didn't eat soon, she would become ill.  
  
"Oh, very well. We'll go back to the guardhouse and I'll have something to eat. Would you like me to take a little nap afterwards, as well?" she said.  
  
"Get going." He said. She took his hand and guided him towards the guardhouse.  
  
When they reached it, they found the other five leaving, having already eaten.  
  
"Aye, aye!" said Tracey, noticing the linked hands. "What have we here? Looks to me like someone got lucky!"  
  
"Shut up, Trace!" said Michelle, whilst going very red under five pairs of eyes. "Have you already eaten, for that is what we are about to do. Well, one of us anyway."  
  
"You will eat." Said Legolas, forcefully. "And you are not going to leave the room until you have!"  
  
"He hasn't tamed you already, has he, Michelle? My, my, you do work quickly Legolas!" Tracey teased.  
  
"I am merely looking after her health, as it seems she not able to do so herself."  
  
"Look, is it 'Insult Michelle' day or something? And if your going to talk about me, can you please do it behind my back, not in front of me!" she said, very annoyed with them all.  
  
"We are going to have a much deserved smoke." Said Aragorn, "Join us when you are finished doing whatever it is you plan on doing." With a smirk, he walked back to the piled up stones before the gateway. The rest of the fellowship followed him, leaving Michelle and Legolas alone again.  
  
"I swear he's got a dirtier mind than Tracey, and that's saying something!" Michelle said. Then she walked into the guardhouse.  
  
A/N: So, what do you think? Are you happy? I think it's turned out quite nicely! Just some notes to my reviewers:  
  
Krazyhobbitgrl: you never actually said whether you wanted her to love Pippin or Legolas so I hope I haven't disappointed you.  
  
Mediterranean Queen: thanks for the idea. I was considering it anyway, but when you brought it up I just thought 'Hey, why not?'  
  
I hope you like! See ya people!  
  
Luv Elf Crumpet xXx 


	25. Food, glorius food

1 Chapter 25  
  
"You have a choice. You can have bread or bacon or salted pork or..."  
  
"How about you? Are you on the menu?" Michelle replied cheekily.  
  
"Ah, well, if you're a good girl and eat up all your dinner, you might get a little treat afterwards."  
  
"Don't talk down to me like that!"  
  
"It's a bit hard not to when I stand almost a foot taller than you."  
  
"You know what I mean!" she said, getting very pissed off. "Stop treating me like a baby."  
  
"I will when you stop acting like one."  
  
"You may well be nearly three-thousand years older than me, Legolas Greenleaf, but I am way more mature than you."  
  
"Then prove it."  
  
"How?"  
  
"By eating something." She knew he had won, so there was no point in arguing.  
  
"OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll have some bread. With honey, being as I don't like butter."  
  
"I suppose it's a start." He went to get her the food she required. He returned with 4 slices of bread and honey.  
  
"There is no way on God's earth I can eat all that!" she cried. "I'll be sick! You're supposed to be trying to make me better, not worse!"  
  
"2 slices, that's all I ask. I will eat the others if you don't want them." He said. She reluctantly ate them, and she ate them very slowly, just to annoy Legolas.  
  
"Now then. That wasn't to hard now was it?" He said as she finished the second slice. Eating the food had actually brought back her appetite, so she ate a third piece, which satisfied Legolas very much. She would have eaten the last slice but he had been a bit too generous with the honey, and it was starting to make her feel a bit sick. So, instead, she had three slices of bacon.  
  
"Anything else?" Legolas said.  
  
"Just one thing." She said. She grabbed his hand, pulled him towards her and kissed him. "OK, I'm happy now. Tired, but happy."  
  
"You know, there's a way of curing tiredness. It's called sleep, you might try it some time. It's often done at night."  
  
"Ha, ha. You're so funny, Legolas, I forgot to laugh." She said, sarcastically. "Well, I'm full, shall we go out to the others?"  
  
"Yeah, if you like. But you do realise we are just going to be taunted, don't you?" He knew he would probably end up having a go at one of them when they returned.  
  
"It's worth it though, isn't it?" she said. Paranoia was blatantly obvious in her voice. 'He said he wouldn't leave, but what's to say he won't break that promise. Everyone else has deserted me. No, what am I thinking? Legolas won't break his word.'  
  
"Of course it is! So, don't go thinking anything different." He slipped his arm around her shoulder, and they walked out.  
  
As they approached the others, they could here Pippin repeating the Ents' song.  
  
"Though Isengard be strong and hard, as cold as stone, and bare as bone,  
  
We go, we go, we go to war, to hew the stone and break the door!  
  
There was much more. A great deal of the song had no words, and was like a music of horns and drums."  
  
"Yes, it was very exciting." Said Michelle, making them all jump. None of them had noticed Legolas and Michelle appear. A wicked grin quickly spread across Tracey's face.  
  
"Does she look ruffled at all, Aragorn?" she said. They had obviously been planning this.  
  
"I don't think so. Is Legolas' hair out of place at all, Tracey?" he replied.  
  
"Doesn't look it."  
  
"I hope you are not implying what I think you are, Tracey. And, Aragorn, you should know better." Said Michelle. "I will have you know, I am not a slapper, contrary to common belief. And Legolas is a highly respected Prince of Mirkwood. And even if we had engaged in such an activity, which we haven't might I add, I don't see how it is your place to pass judgement. So I ask you both to mind your own bloody business!" Content that they had been put in their place, Michelle sat down.  
  
"OK, Legolas, what did you do with the real Michelle?" said Tracey.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"It's just, the real Michelle can't even think for herself!"  
  
"Excuse me. I am not as thick as you make me out to be." Michelle said.  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
"No, I'm not. I'm in the top group for every subject at school. And all my teachers love me. I've never had a grade lower than a B."  
  
"Whatever." Tracey was very disappointed. Her attempt to get Michelle riled had failed, twice. 'I'm losing my touch.' She thought.  
  
"Can I finish telling the tale now?" said Pippin, sadly. He was sad for two reasons. 1) He had been interrupted, he hated that and 2) Michelle was sitting across Legolas' lap with her head on his shoulder. Sure, she looked pretty, but she wasn't unattached anymore. 'Not like I had much chance anyway.' He tried to reassure himself.  
  
Pippin and Merry continued telling their tale. They spent ages describing everything that happened in Isengard, after the Ents had broken down the gates. They told of what the Ents did to Isengard, and then of the different visitors they had had (Gandalf and Wormtongue). Finally they decided to go and find Gandalf and Treebeard to find out what was happening. All but Legolas stood up. He still had Michelle on his lap.  
  
"Michelle. Michelle, you've got to stand up. Michelle?" He leant to one side and looked at her, then he burst out laughing.  
  
"What's so funny?" said Aragorn.  
  
"She's asleep!" 


	26. I see you

1 Chapter 26  
  
Michelle woke up to the shock of her life. She had six pairs of staring eyes. When she realised where she was, and who they were, she was curious as to why they were all staring at her.  
  
"What?" she said slowly, deciding she wasn't sure if she wanted to know. She had a habit of sleep walking, and talking. "What have I done?"  
  
"Nothing. We were just trying to work out whether you were asleep or dead." Said Gimli.  
  
"You look dead." Said Tracey. "But you're not."  
  
"Thanks Trace. Just full of compliments today, aren't you?" Michelle stood up and stretched. She may only have been asleep for about half an hour, but she certainly felt better for it.  
  
"So, where are we off to?" she said cheerfully.  
  
"We're going to find Gandalf and Treebeard. We want to know what is happening." Said Aragorn.  
  
So, they passed through the ruined tunnel and stood upon a heap of stones, gazing at the dark rock of Orthanc, and its many windows, a menace still in the desolation that lay all about it. Across the waste they saw riders picking their way; they were coming from the north side, and already they were drawing near to Orthanc.  
  
"There is Gandalf, and Théoden and his men!" said Legolas. "Let us go and meet them!"  
  
"Walk warily!" said Merry. "There are loose slabs that may tilt up and throw you down into a pit, if you don't take care."  
  
"Oh great!" said Michelle. "Another opportunity for me to totally shame myself. Is whoever's up there not content with me cutting my head open, falling down a big hole, having, what would have been, a broken nose, if it wasn't so already, and being kidnapped? I've also suffered a great trauma! It's just not fair!"  
  
"Look, hold on to me." Said Legolas. "You not going anywhere except to meet Gandalf and Théoden."  
  
They followed what was left of the road from the gates of Orthanc, going slowly, mainly for Michelle's sake, but also because the flagstones were cracked and slimed. She still managed to twist her ankle though. The riders, seeing them approach, halted under the shadow of the rock and waited for them. Gandalf rode forward to meet them.  
  
Well, Treebeard and I have had some interesting discussions, and made a few plans," he said; "and we have all had some much needed rest. Now we must be going on again. I hope you companions have all rested, too, and refreshed yourselves?" Michelle and Legolas caught one another's eye and smiled, then they both turned their attention back to Gandalf.  
  
"We have," said Merry. "But our discussions began and ended in smoke. Still we feel less ill-disposed towards Saruman than we did."  
  
"You might but I don't." said Michelle. "I'll never forget that ordeal! My back still hurts, now!"  
  
"I do not either. I have now a last task to do before I go: I must pay Saruman a farewell visit. Dangerous and probably useless; but it must be done. Those of you who wish may come with me – but beware! And do not jest! This is not the time for it."  
  
"I will come," said Gimli.  
  
"As will I." Said Legolas.  
  
"And us!" squealed Pippin.  
  
"Me too!" said Michelle.  
  
"Me three!" Said Tracey.  
  
"Be on your guard. There is no knowing what he can do, or may choose to try." Continued Gandalf. "A wild beast cornered is not safe to approach. And Saruman has powers you do not guess. Beware of his voice!"  
  
They came to the foot of Orthanc. It was black, and the rock looked as if it were wet. A few scorings and small flake-like splinters near the base were all the marks that it bore of the fury of the Ents. At the foot of the stairs, Gandalf and the king dismounted.  
  
"I will go up," said Gandalf. "I have been in Orthanc and I know my peril."  
  
"And I too will go up." said Théoden. "I am old, and fear no peril anymore. I wish to speak with the enemy who has done me so much wrong. Éomer shall come with me, and see that my aged feet do not falter."  
  
"As you will." Replied Gandalf. "Aragorn shall come with me. Let the others await us at the foot of the stairs. They will see and hear enough, if there is anything to hear or see."  
  
"Nay," said Gimli. "Legolas and I wish for a closer view. We alone here represent our kindreds. We also will come behind."  
  
"What about me?!" Michelle cried. "You ain't leaving me alone with her, and them!" she pointed at Tracey and the hobbits. "I'm coming with you."  
  
"You can't. It's too dangerous." Said Legolas.  
  
"Then, why are you going?"  
  
"Because I have to represent my kindred."  
  
"So do I!!!"  
  
"No you don't. Aragorn is going."  
  
"He represents 15-year old girls with a score to settle?"  
  
"You can't go."  
  
"If you loved me, you'd let me go."  
  
"If you loved me, you'd stay behind."  
  
"But-"  
  
"Stay." Michelle had lost, again. She, angrily, turned her back to him and sat down on the steps. She crossed her arms and had a face like thunder. She did *not* like being beaten.  
  
"Ooh, you've done it now, Legolas." Said Tracey. "I suggest you keep your distance for a couple of days, or it will be Lothlorien all over again." Legolas' face dropped.  
  
"Michelle?" he said timidly.  
  
"Don't bother, Legolas." She hissed. "Just don't bother." 


	27. A typical tenage mood swing... or is she...

1 Chapter 27  
  
"Right, that is it!" screamed Michelle. "I'm not taking this abuse anymore!!!" She stood and stormed off.  
  
"Michelle! You should get that looked at! You might have concussion!" Tracey shouted after her. The debate with Saruman had ended, and Wormtongue had cast the Palantír out of Orthanc. It glanced off the iron rail, even as Saruman left it, and passing close to Gandalf's head, it smote the stair on which he stood. It then bounced and hit the back of Michelle's head.  
  
"Go after her, you fool!" said Gandalf to Tracey.  
  
"Are you completely mad?!" she replied. "No way! She was annoyed anyway, but she'll be fuming now. Nuh-uh! Leave her to cool down, then someone other than myself, i.e. Legolas, should go after her."  
  
"For crying out loud!" said Legolas. "Must I do everything?"  
  
"Yes." They all answered.  
  
"Oh, very well." He turned and walked off in the direction Michelle had gone.  
  
She didn't know where she was or where she was going; all she knew was that she was fed up with being treated like a baby and being injured. She walked back out of the gates of Isengard, and began to walk down the road. If she hadn't been so angry she probably would have cried, mostly from the pain. She lifted her hand to the back of her head to see if she was bleeding. Luckily, she wasn't but she had a very large lump on the back of her head.  
  
Legolas could see her, though she was very far away. 'She walks fast for one so small.' He said to himself. He began to run to catch up with her. 'I wonder what it was that made her snap like that. I know she was annoyed with me, but surely that was only stubbornness, a wound of pride.' Confusion set like concrete in his mind. He couldn't understand why she was so upset. Obviously she had been hurt, but she acted more like it was an insult, not an injury.  
  
She didn't hear him approach her, so when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she span around to confront the person. She relaxed when she saw who it was, but only a little.  
  
"Leave me alone." She said, then she turned back around and tried to walk away. But, Legolas just tightened his hold on her shoulder.  
  
"Why? What have I done?" he said.  
  
"I don't want to talk to anyone." She hissed, then pulled away from his grip.  
  
"Michelle, what is wrong?" She stayed silent for a while, thinking.  
  
"You wouldn't understand!" She was no longer angry, just exasperated.  
  
"Try me."  
  
"I'm sorry Legolas, I do not wish to tell you." She turned back around to look at him. She smiled. "I thank you for your concern, but now is not the time."  
  
"Then, why am I not convinced?" he said. He could tell she was hiding something, but he couldn't tell what.  
  
"Are you always this persistent? I am telling you there's nothing to worry about. I'm a teenage girl, Legolas. I anger very easily, as many people will tell you. I have mood swings and some of them, as you saw today, are not pleasant."  
  
"I know this not to be the whole truth, but I will let it be. Will you now rejoin the company?"  
  
"If they'll take me." And so they headed back to the others.  
  
They arrived back at the steps of Orthanc. Many of the riders stepped out of the way, in fear of being screamed at, when the returned. Michelle went very red.  
  
"I, um, want to apologise for my, um, stress attack. Yep, so, sorry." She said, then turned back to her friends. "And the same to you lot. I just kinda freaked out a bit. If it happens again just ignore me, I'll soon get over it."  
  
"It' OK." Said Tracey. "Though I must admit, you even scared me this time. I thought I'd seen your worst, but hell, that beats it by far!"  
  
"Well," said Gandalf; "we should be going. I believe you three wish to say farewell to Treebeard but you must be quick. We have wasted rather a lot of time."  
  
So they said good-bye to Treebeard, and Gandalf had one last talk with him, to make sure Saruman didn't escape. Then they rode away.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile,  
  
"ARGH! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!" screamed Mary-Jo, as she stamped repeatedly on Gollum's hand. Frodo and Sam had the pull her way to stop her from killing him.  
  
"Calm down Mary-Jo, its only Gollum. Fair enough he tried to kill Sam, but its still *only* Gollum!" said Frodo, when they finally got her to stop.  
  
"Yeah, leave him alone, he's cute!" said a voice from behind them. They turned around, and there was Clare, pinching and cuddling Gollum.  
  
"ARGH!" said Mary-Jo again, but this time she fell off the edge of the cliff.  
  
"Oh my God!" shouted Clare. "Mary-Jo?"  
  
"I'm fine!" said Mary-Jo, "Not hurt."  
  
"But you just fell 25 ft! You should be dead!!!" called Sam.  
  
"Well, I'm not, so there. And don't shout!" Suddenly she was back next to them, without a bruise anywhere.  
  
"What the…?!" said Sam.  
  
"Don't ask." Said Clare. "She's been like it since birth. Well, bye." And she disappeared back from wherever she came from. 


	28. Earth shattering news?

1 A/N: This puts an interesting twist on things. How will they handle the news? What will hey do? Ooh, its all so exciting! Anyway, I'll let you read now.  
  
2 Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
3 Chapter 28  
  
"Are we riding far tonight Gandalf?" said Michelle, tensely. They had been riding for an hour, and she was starting to feel very queasy. She had never got on well with horses. She didn't hate them, but she didn't love them either. Also, Legolas wasn't there to make her feel better. Gimli had refused to ride with anyone else, so she had been forced to ride with Aragorn.  
  
"We will ride for a few hours, gently, until we come to the end of the valley. Tomorrow we must ride faster. When we came, we meant to…" he said.  
  
"It's alright, that's all I wanted to know." She turned back, to face forward.  
  
Night came down from the mountains, and at last they halted. They lit a fire in a hollow, down among the root of a spreading hawthorn, tall as a tree, writhe with age, but hale in every limb. Buds were swelling at each twig's tip. Michelle jumped quickly down off the horse and ran into the trees a little way. There, she threw up.  
  
"You OK, Michelle?" Tracey had followed Michelle and watched her throw up. She knew it was a stupid question, 'She's just been sick, what do you think?' but she thought it polite to ask.  
  
"Not really. I just suddenly felt really ill. Well, I felt ill anyway, but being on that horse for ages just killed me completely." She looked at Tracey, then suddenly a pain shot through her body and grasped her stomach.  
  
"What's wrong?!" Tracey said, ran towards her. "Are you alright?" Michelle sat down on the grass and looked at Tracey. Her face was filled with worry. 'I can't hide it anymore, it won't be possible for much longer.'  
  
"I'm fine, in a manner of speaking. Trace?"  
  
"What?" she answered suspiciously. She didn't like the tone of Michelle's voice.  
  
"Sit down, I want to tell you something." Tracey sat down, not knowing what to expect.  
  
"And, what do you mean, in a manner of speaking? You're either well or you're not."  
  
"Well, you see, well, the thing is… I…"  
  
"Go on." Tracey desperately wanted to know what the hell was going on.  
  
"The thing is, I'm… pregnant."  
  
"WHAT?!" Tracey yelled. The whole camp turned to look in their direction.  
  
"Shut up, idiot! Nobody must know, OK. Nobody. They'll send me home, and I don't want that. So, keep it buttoned."  
  
"Of course, sorry." She whispered. "Oh my God! I can't believe it!" She was smiling broadly. Tracey leapt up and threw her arms around Michelle.  
  
"OK, calm down, bab."  
  
"OK, Tracey, chill. OK, I'm calm." She said to herself. "But, more importantly, how are you? Do you need me to get you anything? Are you warm enough?"  
  
"Tracey, stop fretting. Go and have something to eat. And send Legolas, over here while you're at it." But, Tracey just stood staring. "Go, you silly cow!"  
  
Tracey went back to the camp, leaving Michelle laughing to herself. 'Honestly, you'd think she was the one with the baby, not me.'  
  
"Michelle, Are you alright? Tracey said you wanted me." Legolas ran over to her.  
  
"I'm fine." She replied. "I just wanted a chat is all. I am allowed to do that aren't I?" He helped her up. "So, how's my favourite Elf?" she said cheerfully. She felt so much better now that she had told someone.  
  
"I'm fine." He said. "Why are you so cheerful? It's not natural for this time of day, especially when you've only slept for half an hour in about three days."  
  
"Would you rather I was in a mood with you?" He shook his head. "Well, then. Just enjoy it while it lasts." She stood on her toes and kissed him.  
  
"Do you think you could get a stool or something?" he said, when they eventually stopped. "It's just you're going to get a sore neck from straining upwards, and I'll get a bad back from leaning over."  
  
"I can't help being small." She giggled. "And anyway, it's not so bad. It has its advantages."  
  
"You're a saucy little madam, do you know that?"  
  
"I try. Come on; walk with me for a bit. I don't feel like sleep yet." She saw the look in his eyes. "Don't worry, I will sleep tonight, just not yet."  
  
"That's alright then." They began to walk arm-in-arm.  
  
They were silent for a while, and got quite far away from the camp. Michelle was lost in her thoughts. 'Should I tell him? What if he doesn't like me anymore? What if he thinks I'm cheap and common? I don't know if I could handle that.' She wasn't sure if it was a good idea. 'But, he's got to find out sooner or later, hasn't he? And it won't stay a secret for long. You're not showing now, but the next month or so are going to tell tales. And he should know, he has a right to know.'  
  
"Legolas…" but she was cut short. She felt that pain in her stomach again. She wasn't sure if it was normal or not, so she began to worry. "Go and get Tracey for me. Please." She said. It was passing now, but she knew it would soon return.  
  
Legolas ran back to the camp. What was wrong with her? He didn't stop 'til he got there. But when he did stop, it was sudden. He could Tracey and Aragorn talking.  
  
"I can't. I promised." She said.  
  
"It won't hurt to tell me. I'm just concerned." He replied.  
  
"Oh alright then. But if she finds out I told you, then you will die."  
  
"Yeah, OK. Cut the crap and just get on with it!"  
  
"Michelle's pregnant."  
  
"What? Pregnant? Bloody hell. Well, who's the father?"  
  
"Who d'you think? Legolas, of course. Well, she didn't actually say that, but that's the only person it could be."  
  
"Yeah. Whoa! I didn't think Legolas was the sort to, well you know. To be honest, I thought he was gay, up until now, but, I mean, and so quickly. It was only this morning."  
  
"Well, that's what they say, but it's obviously been going on for ages, otherwise how would she know?"  
  
"Yeah, I suppose. Well, now is not really the best time to talk about it. I still can't believe it. Legolas is going to be a dad." And they walked back to the camp.  
  
Legolas stood in shock. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Those two words echoed around his head. "Michelle's pregnant." He didn't know whether he was happy or not. He decided to pretend that he didn't know. Was she planning on telling him? Or was he meant to find out like this? He stood there for several minutes, taking it in.  
  
He was about to enter the camp, when he heard Aragorn and Tracey call Gandalf, Gimli, Merry and Pippin over to the side. 'Please no. Aragorn don't tell them. They don't need to know.' But unfortunately, Legolas' silent pleads did nothing. Aragorn told the rest of the fellowship. They were all very happy, with the exception of Pippin, who was in deep shock. Suddenly, Legolas remembered he had left Michelle alone, in the middle of the wood, wanting Tracey. Legolas took a deep breath and entered the camp.  
  
"Here comes the man himself." Said Gimli, when he saw Legolas approaching them.  
  
"I hear congratulations are in order." Said Gandalf.  
  
"For what?" Legolas replied. He didn't make a habit of lying to people, but when he did he was good.  
  
"Don't play innocent with us." Said Tracey. "We know. She told me."  
  
"Who told you what? Would you mind explaining what you're all taking about because I haven't got a clue."  
  
"You know," said Merry, "Michelle and…"  
  
"Michelle and what? Look, I haven't got time to mess about with you lot. Tracey, Michelle wants you. She's out there a bit. Just keep walking straight ahead and you should find her fine." Tracey got up.  
  
"Aye, aye, and what exactly were you doing so far out?"  
  
"Sometime soon would be nice Tracey." He said, ignoring her snide remarks. She sighed and walked off. "So would anybody care to tell me what you are all twittering on about?" Aragorn looked at Gandalf.  
  
"Do you think…? No, she… she wouldn't have not told him, would she?"  
  
"Not told me, what?"  
  
"It really isn't our place to say." Said Gandalf. "Though I find it very odd that she hasn't told you."  
  
"Look, tell me or shut up, because I really can't be doing with this." He just wanted somebody to come out and say it, so he could be sure he wasn't dreaming.  
  
"Tell you what?" said Michelle, from behind them. They all started moving around, making room for her and making sure she was comfortable. Michelle knew automatically that Tracey had told them.  
  
"Tracey!" she said angrily.  
  
"It's not my fault! Aragorn made me tell him!"  
  
"That's not the point. You promised! And how do all these know?"  
  
"Except me?" said Legolas. He kept up the pretence because he decided he wanted to hear Michelle say it herself. Michelle fell silent. She didn't know how to tell him. She was going to tell him before, but then she came over sick again and she sent him to get Tracey.  
  
"I… um, well, er…" she couldn't keep it from him and it was better that he knew. Everyone else did, thanks to Tracey's big mouth. "I'm pregnant."  
  
'So, it is true.' Legolas stood up and walked towards the trees where they had been before.  
  
"Legolas!" she jumped up and went after him. She grabbed his arm to stop him.  
  
"Just leave me alone for a while, Michelle. I need to think this through." He squeezed her hand, and then walked off. Michelle started to cry. She walked back, sat down and buried her head in Tracey's shoulder.  
  
"He doesn't love me. He thinks I'm a cheap little whore, and doesn't want anything to do with me!" she cried. "I hate myself! I hate my life! I wish I could die!"  
  
"No, you don't." said Tracey, firmly. "He does love you, and you don't want to die. Michelle, you've just told him he's going to be a dad. He's obviously going to need some time to think."  
  
"You don't get it do you? Tracey, Legolas isn't the father!" 


	29. Tracey's list of potential fathers

A/N: Yay! We have humour! Actual humour! Well, I think it is. Oh yeah, and where I haven't put who's speaking, it's Tracey, except the last line.  
  
Chapter 29: Tracey's list of potential fathers and her thoughts.  
  
Aragorn = Arwen would kill her.  
  
Gandalf = EEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Gimli = double EEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Pippin = not man enough.  
  
Merry = scared shitless of her.  
  
Boromir = This is a PG-13 and staying that way.  
  
Frodo = Sam and Mary-Jo would kill her.  
  
Sam = Frodo would kill her.  
  
Haldir = Becky would kill her.  
  
Celeborn = great way to thank Galadriel for the clothes.  
  
Elrond = that would make her related to Arwen. God help her.  
  
Bilbo = nobody is that desperate.  
  
An Orc = I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks.  
  
A Ringwraith = is that even possible?  
  
Balrog = Whoa! Great balls of fire… quite literally… ow.  
  
Saruman = even Michelle has better taste than that.  
  
Cave troll = I'm sure he'd make a good daddy, a bit big, but good.  
  
"I sincerely hope you are joking." Said Clare.  
  
"ARGH! Where'd you come from? Clare? Clare? Where'd she go? Oh well."  
  
Scary octopus thing at Moria = is that even male?  
  
"Now you're getting silly." Said Clare.  
  
"ARGH! Go away! Oh, she's gone."  
  
Legolas =  
  
"Hello." Legolas said.  
  
"Hi." She quickly covered up the paper.  
  
"What's that?" he said, trying to look over her shoulder.  
  
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, if that's all, I think I'll be going." She got up, picked up her things and walked away.  
  
"Odd girl." 


	30. Revelations?

A/N: Ha, you thought you were going to find out in this chapter, didn't you? Well, you're not! I decided to be evil, but humorous at the same time. I hope you like this, we had quite few ideas for this, and there may be another chapter like it in the very near future. Anyway, I'll let you read now.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
PS. I have written the next chapter, I'm just biding my time, making you sweat! lol!!!! I'm evil and proud!  
  
1 Chapter 30  
  
"Well, I have to say Sam, that was the best meal I've ever tasted!" said Mary-Jo. "Fair enough, it was probably better because I haven't eaten properly for months, but still, it was great! Just what I needed." She sat back and stretched.  
  
"I'll just go off and clean me pans then, shall I?" said Sam. "Mary-Jo, come with me."  
  
"No." she said quickly. "I should stay here with Frodo. To… protect him, yeah that's right. Can't have him hurt now, can we?" Sam reluctantly left them, alone. 'Poor Mr. Frodo.' When he finished, he stood up and began to walk back. He was looking about the surroundings when he spotted a thin blue-grey spiral of smoke. To his horror he realised it was his cooking- fire that he had neglected to put out. He began to hurry back. Suddenly, he halted and listened. Had he heard a whistle or not? Or was it the call of some strange bird? If it was a whistle, it did not come from Frodo and Mary- Jo's direction. There it went again from another place! Sam began to run as well as her could uphill. He eventually got back to them.  
  
"Did you hear that whistle, and what sounded like a answer?" he said. "A few minutes ba-"  
  
"Shut up!" hissed Mary-Jo. "I thought I heard voices!" The three travellers trussed their packs, put them on ready for flight, and then crawled deeper into the fern. There, they crouched listening.  
  
"Here! Here is where the smoke came from!" said one voice.  
  
" 'Twill be nigh at hand. In the fern, no doubt. We shall have it like a coney in a trap. Then we shall learn what kind of thing it is." Answered a second.  
  
"Aye, and what it knows!" said a third. Four men came striding through the fern from different directions. Since flight and hiding were no longer possible, the three sprang up to their feet, putting their backs to each other, and the hobbit drew their swords. The men were about to comment on what they had found, evidently not what they were searching for, but Mary- Jo jumped. She pointed at one of the men and said,  
  
"Hey! You look like Boromir!" they all looked at her in astonishment. Realisation dawned on her face. "UNCLE FARAMIR!!!" she leapt forward and threw her arms around him.  
  
"MARY-JO!" he cried, "What are you doing here?!?!?!" And who, in the name of wonder, are they?!?!"  
  
"Us?! What about you?!?!?!" said Frodo, he wasn't sure whether to be frightened or to feel safe. Mary-Jo obviously knew them, but were they safe?  
  
"Oh yeah, might help if you knew that." She said, as if the thought had just slipped her mind. "Faramir, this is Frodo and Sam. Frodo, this is Michelle's dad!"  
  
"I didn't know you were cousins!"  
  
"We're not, it's just one of those affectionate terms. Like, you call Pippin you're cousin, but he's actually your second cousin once removed on your mother's side and twice removed on your father's side. Hey, wait, how do I know all that?"  
  
"You caused Michelle to be brought into this world?" said Sam, without thinking, "I hate you already!"  
  
"I hope that was not an insult to my daughter." Said Faramir, protectively.  
  
"NO!" yelped Sam. "I, um, its, er, well, you see, I'll shut up now."  
  
"Forgive him, Faramir. She was quite hard on them. She even scared me." Said Mary-Jo. "And you know that that has never happened before."  
  
"You have seen her?" said Faramir in amazement.  
  
"Of course I have, she's my best friend!" said Mary-Jo, in a very 'don't- be-so-stupid' sort of way. "Anyway, that whole thing with Boromir having to go to Rivendell, oh sorry, I mean, Imladris. Well, she bullied him into letting her go. Then, when she was there, she convinced him again, and Elrond, to let her go with them on this whole Isildur's Bane thing. Then, Becky and myself followed her and tagged along. Oh yeah, and she fell in love with an Elf. I wonder if anything has happened between them yet."  
  
"OK, brain overload, Mary-Jo. Too much information! So let me get this straight: She went with Boromir to Imladris, then she went to wherever you were headed, and then she fell in love with an Elf. Hang on, I'm just getting this. AN ELF?!?!?!"  
  
"No, falling in love came second. Went to Rivendell, fell in love, went on quest." She corrected.  
  
"But it's still an Elf! Crapping heck! Well, what am I to expect? She never did have very good taste in men! Oops, didn't mean to say that out loud. Um, well, er, we haven't got time to talk now. In case you hadn't noticed, there's a war going on! So, I'll leave two guards with you, but for now I must leave you."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, you're just trying to cover the fact you just insulted Michelle, which you know is not a good idea!!!!!" But he was gone.  
  
They sat and waited, and listened to the guards. Then when the Southrons charged, Mary-Jo clasped Frodo's hand and Sam had a silent stress attack. 'NO! Mr. Frodo! You can't hold her hand! Hold mine! I love you more than she does! I've known you longer! NOOOO!' Then, they watched the battle. To Sam's astonishment, terror, and lasting delight, an elephant suddenly came crashing out of the trees.  
  
"COOOOOOOOOOL!" said Mary-Jo. "An elephant!"  
  
"Oliphaunt!" corrected Sam, without tearing his eyes away from the vast creature.  
  
"Whatever! Can we shoot it?!" she said, excitedly.  
  
"NO!" squealed Sam. "We cannot shoot it! 1) We have nothing to shoot with, and 2) It is a living thing!"  
  
"Like the rabbits."  
  
"They were different! We were hungry, we needed food. And, conies aren't rarely seen!"  
  
"Shut up." she said patronisingly.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Howdy! There you go, a bit of (what I hope is) much needed humour! GoT, I hope you like your little crush on Frodo. I think it's cute. Sick, but cute.  
  
As usual, ideas, reviews blah, blah, blah! You know the drill. Hope you all enjoyed.  
  
Yup, Faramir is Michelle's father, what will he say when he finds out she's pregnant? Uh-oh. 


	31. Real revelations

1 A/N: I apologise for the twisted humour in this chapter, I have Guardian of Tears to thank for that! Bye!  
  
2 Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
3 Chapter 31  
  
They all fell silent.  
  
"Legolas isn't… oh." Tracey said. She looked at Michelle, then Michelle's stomach, then back at Michelle, then at each of the fellowship members, then at Michelle's stomach again and then finally at Michelle again. "Oooooooooooo…" she said, whilst laughing, "You're in trouble!"  
  
"Well, that puts an interesting twist on things." Said Gandalf.  
  
"Neither of you are being very helpful. And anyway how could it be him? I only found out he liked me this morning."  
  
"Well, we thought, maybe, it had been going on a while, and you just hadn't said anything."  
  
"Well, I'll say it again. It's not Legolas." Michelle stood up and began to pace back and forth, impatiently. She was still upset, but she was more worried now.  
  
"I know it's none of our business," said Aragorn, "but if it isn't Legolas, then who is it?"  
  
"And how far gone are you?" added Tracey.  
  
"I'm three months. I know, I haven't started to show yet, I don't know why. But then again, this is me we're talking about. I'm just strange all over, aren't I?" Michelle smiled grimly.  
  
"OK then, but again I ask you, who?" Aragorn said.  
  
"Tracey, do you remember Paul?  
  
"Do I? How could I not? He was… wait a minute. Oh no. No, Michelle, you didn't, not with him. Please, tell me that it isn't him, Michelle, please!" Tracey pleaded with her best friend. Paul wasn't horrible, as such, he was just really clingy and possessive. That's why Michelle dumped him.  
  
"I could tell you that, but it wouldn't be true."  
  
"Of all the people you could have chosen, you chose Paul? Were you drunk at the time?"  
  
"No," Michelle replied, annoyed. "I was perfectly sober."  
  
"That's even worse! You knew what you were doing!"  
  
"I liked him." Michelle said, defensively. "What's wrong with that? Look, just because I ditched him, doesn't mean I didn't like him, then. And anyway, how was I to know this would happen?"  
  
"Well, it's pretty simple really. You have sex, you get pregnant. Even Pippin knows that!" Aragorn, getting very bored of the conversation, stood up.  
  
"I think I'll go and find Legolas." He said. He walked off in the direction Legolas had gone in.  
  
"Aragorn, tell him I'm really sorry." Michelle said, just before he left. "It's my mess and he shouldn't have to deal with it. I don't expect him to." Aragorn walked off. Michelle tuned back around and looked at everybody.  
  
"I need a hug." She said sadly. Pippin leapt in the air.  
  
"ME!" he screamed, making everybody stare. "I'll give you a hug." Merry slapped him round the back of the head.  
  
"Sit down and shut up!!!" So Pippin didn't get his hug.  
  
The main thing that going round Legolas' head was: 'Who's the daddy?!' He stood in a clearing, thinking. 'What the hell am I going to do? She's 15. She's too young to have a baby. But, that's what's happening. She can't be left alone, but can I handle someone else's child?' He heard someone behind him. 'Please don't let it be Michelle. Please.' He turned round and saw Aragorn. He breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"She's really upset. She doesn't think you love her anymore." Aragorn said.  
  
"I don't know what I think." Answered Legolas. "I thought I did, but now, I just don't know. She's having a baby, Aragorn. A baby! She's 15 years old and she's having a child. What do I do?"  
  
"I don't know! I'm not a 3000-year old Elf with a 15-year old girlfriend, who's pregnant with someone else's baby."  
  
"That really doesn't help."  
  
"Oh, sorry. Then, you should sit down and talk to her. Do you know how she feels?" Legolas shook his head. "Well, from what I've just heard between those two, she's feeling the same as you do. Confused, afraid, and most of all, alone. She needs someone like you to depend on, someone to support and love her. But you need to do what you feel is right."  
  
"Michelle's right. You should be an agony uncle." Legolas began to laugh.  
  
"Oh yeah, she told me to tell you that she's really sorry. It's her mess and you shouldn't have to deal with it, and she doesn't expect you to. But I don't think that's what you want, is it Legolas?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Do you love her?" Legolas mumbled something. "Legolas, look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love her." Legolas looked up, but stayed silent. "Shall I go and get her?"  
  
"No, not yet." They stayed quiet for a while.  
  
"Do you… has she said who it is?" Legolas wanted to know but didn't at the same time.  
  
"It's an ex-boyfriend. Paul, I think his name was. I got the impression Tracey didn't like him very much. And no, she didn't say anything else, other than that she is three months pregnant."  
  
"Three months! You mean, she's been through this whole bloody journey, like that, and not told anybody? Not Mary-Jo, or Tracey, or Becky? Not even me?!?! Nobody knew?"  
  
"Nope, no-one. Boromir would turn in his grave if we hadn't sent him over a waterfall."  
  
"That's not funny and one person did know." Came a voice from the shadows. "Lady Galadriel. She was the one who told me." Michelle stepped out of the shadows. "She could sense something was wrong, so on the second day, when I went off alone, I went to see her. When she told me I was completely astounded. And, she was so kind. She didn't judge me for being so young, she just helped."  
  
"You kept it to yourself for so long?" said Legolas. He was amazed at her determination. He was sure he wouldn't be able to cope with the responsibility and stress.  
  
"I didn't believe it at first. I thought that if I just carried on with life as usual it would go away…" she was cut off by the sudden eruption of laughter from a nearby bush. An orc popped up from behind it.  
  
"Thought it would go away! That's a good one!" Legolas didn't appreciate this at all, so he sent an arrow through its head.  
  
"Thank you. Anyway, I thought it would go away, shut it," - she noticed another orc – "but it didn't. When I finally excepted it, I didn't want to tell you all because I was scared of your reaction. I didn't want to lose you all, especially not you, Legolas. But it looks like I have."  
  
"No, you haven't." said Legolas. Michelle looked at him. "I couldn't do that to you." She was amazed he was even speaking to her, let alone supporting her. She stood in silence.  
  
"Well, don't just stand there." Said Aragorn. "Give the guy a hug or something, you stupid girl." Legolas glared at Aragorn.  
  
"1) Don't insult my girlfriend. 2) PISS OFF!!!" Aragorn was surprised by this sudden outburst.  
  
"Okay." He said quickly, in a high and squeaky voice, and left. Michelle walked, slowly, over to Legolas. When she reached him, she saw a smile spread across his face and she wasn't as worried anymore. His arms encircled her and she felt loved.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: See, told you it was twisted, well a little bit. OK, I know it's a soppy ending, but don't shoot me (as I know many peeps wish to do so). Right, I am in desperate need of humour people! Being as the genre is humour, it's kind of essential. I promise to mention you if I use your idea.  
  
I realise that names like Tracey, Becky, Mary-Jo etc. would not have appeared in this time, but I'm no good at thinking up LotR style names, so you're just going to have to put up with 21st Century names in the Second age.  
  
To anybody who thought that someone in the fellowship is the father: shame on you! I know she's a slag, but she would never want to intentionally hurt Leggy! She (and I) love him too much! Can't you see how this could get really interesting, and complicated, when they get back to Minas Tirith? Oh well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? Ciao. 


	32. Cravings

1 Chapter 32  
  
Suddenly, they heard a piercing cry. It startled Michelle and Legolas.  
  
"Something is wrong! We'd better go back!" Legolas grabbed her hand and ran. As they ran, something flew over their heads. They didn't know what it was, but it frightened them both. When they finally arrived back at the camp (they got lost) they saw Gandalf riding away on Shadowfax, with Pippin.  
  
"Now, either that was Gandalf stealing Pippin, or I'm seeing things." Michelle in complete confusion.  
  
"Nay, he wasn't stealing Pippin, just getting him out of harm's way." Said Aragorn. "He has caused a great disturbance, Gandalf is trying to keep him out of trouble. Though, no doubt knowing Pippin, he'll probably still reek some havoc."  
  
"I don't think I really want to know. Just one thing, was it something to do with that thing that flew over our heads?"  
  
"Yes, but let us not speak of it." He looked around. "So, six of the company still remain. We will ride on together. But we shall not go alone, as I thought. The king is now determined to set out at once. Since the coming of the winged shadow, he desires to return to the hills under the cover of night."  
  
"And then whither." Said Legolas.  
  
"Speak proper!" said Michelle, then realising what she said, "Properly." Aragorn continued to answer Legolas' question.  
  
"I cannot say yet. As for the king, he will go to the muster that he commanded at Edoras, four nights from now. And there, I think, he will hear tidings of war, and the Riders of Rohan will go down to Minas Tirith. But for myself and any that go with me…"  
  
"I for one!" said Legolas.  
  
"And Gimli with him!" said the Dwarf. Michelle opened her mouth to agree.  
  
"We'll see." Said Legolas, firmly. Michelle mumbled something under her breath about him being like Boromir: boring.  
  
"Well, for myself," said Aragorn, "it is dark before me. I must go down also to Minas Tirith, but I do not yet see the road. An hour long prepared approaches."  
  
"Don't leave me behind!" said Merry.  
  
"You're going with Théoden!" said Michelle, miserably. "No ifs and buts, you're going. End of story." Merry frowned at Michelle, but didn't fight back; he knew he'd lose. Plus she had the big, scary elf-man on her side. The big, scary elf-man, with a bow and lots of arrows, who would protect her with his life.  
  
Soon, all were ready to go. This time, Michelle went with Legolas. He refused to let her go with anyone else, as he didn't think they were capable of looking after her 'properly'.  
  
"I'm sorry, Gimli, but Michelle needs to be with me more than you do. I'm not comfortable unless I can watch over her."  
  
"I don't need a baby-sitter. I'm not a child." She said, indignantly.  
  
"You are compared to me, love." He said, not planning for it to sound demeaning, but it did.  
  
"So that is how you see me, is it? A child that can't look after herself?"  
  
"I didn't mean it like that!" he said. "I just meant, well, I don't know what I meant, but, I didn't mean to upset you." Michelle pouted. "I'm sorry." He kissed her, and she smiled.  
  
"Eurgh! Get a room!" said Tracey.  
  
"I like the sound of that." She whispered to Legolas, playfully, as he helped her up onto Arod.  
  
"None of that. That's how you ended up like this." He replied, quietly. She scowled at him, but all he did was grin cheekily back at her, before sitting behind her on the horse.  
  
"I'm not very happy about riding without a saddle or anything." She said nervously. "I'm not good with horses! What if I fall off?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm just going to let you fall off, Michelle." He said, sarcastically. "Would you feel better if I held onto you?"  
  
"Oh yes. I'd like that. I mean, um, yeah, I'd probably feel safer that way." He slipped his arms around her waist and they began to ride.  
  
They rode for only a short while, when they were informed of horsemen behind them. It turned out to be some of Aragorn's kin. They carried on riding. It was nearly morning when they eventually stopped at Hornburg, where the battle was fought three nights before hand. They rested for a brief while.  
  
Michelle and Merry were the last to wake up, and that was only because Legolas and Gimli roused them.  
  
"Michelle." Legolas said, gently. "Michelle, wake up." She stirred, rolled over and groaned. She wasn't happy about being woken up.  
  
"What." She said, moodily, without opening her eyes.  
  
"Michelle, it's nearly lunch. You've got to get up."  
  
"I don't want to."  
  
"Well, you have no choice, unless you want to be left behind." She sighed and slowly sat up. She rubbed her eyes and looked at him.  
  
"Don't look at me." She said sleepily.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I've just got up, and I look terrible." Legolas shook his head and walked over to Merry.  
  
"The sun is high." He said to Merry. "All others, except Michelle, are up and doing. Come, Master Sluggard, and look at this place while you may."  
  
"Don't call him that." Said Michelle. "You wouldn't like it if I called you horrible names when you'd just woken up. Leave him alone." She got up and moved Legolas and Gimli out of the way. She crouched down beside Merry and laid a hand n his arm. She spoke in a soft whisper, barely audible.  
  
"Just ignore him, Merry. He's just a stupid elf. Nobody listens to him, not even me. Get up in your own time." This was a completely different side to Michelle. She was actually being nice, and to Merry. Whether it was just lack of sleep affecting her head, or she was actually changing, no one could tell. Legolas was so surprised, he ignored the fact that she had called him a 'stupid elf' and said that 'nobody listens to him'.  
  
When he eventually got up, Merry decided he was hungry. So the four companions walked together towards the hall of Burg for a midday meal. Michelle's stomach rumbled very loudly, causing Tracey, who had just joined them, to laugh hysterically.  
  
"Oh, I'm so hungry!" moaned Michelle. "What I would give for some ginger cake and gravy." A look of disgust crossed every face in the hall.  
  
"Do you realise what you just said?" said Legolas.  
  
"Yes, I asked for ginger cake and gravy. What's wrong with that?"  
  
"That is disgusting." Said Gimli.  
  
"Why is it?"  
  
"Ginger cake and gravy." Merry said, saying every word slowly to try and make her see the point. "Gravy goes on dinner, ginger cake is for pudding."  
  
"Your point is?"  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick." Said Tracey.  
  
"Look, it's called craving. Never heard of them? Well, get used to it, I'll be craving worse things than that before long. I know I'm not going to get it, so there's no point in going on about it. I just thought I'd say." Michelle couldn't believe their reaction to a little craving. They sat down and everybody was watching her, making her feel very uncomfortable.  
  
"Why are they watching me?" she said, quietly and nervously to Legolas. "What have I done?"  
  
"I don't think many of them knew you were pregnant. And, you are a bit young."  
  
"Don't you start." She said, starting to get annoyed. "I've already had all that off Tracey and Gandalf. I don't care what people think, I just wish they wouldn't stare!"  
  
"Just don't or say anything strange and they'll soon stop."  
  
"As if I would." 


	33. 2½ brain cells

1 Chapter 33  
  
"It is near the hour that we are set for going, lord." Said Éomer. "Shall I bid the men sound the horns? But where is Aragorn? His place is empty and he has not eaten."  
  
"We will make ready to ride," said Théoden; "but let word be sent to the Lord Aragorn that the hour is nigh." All got up and left. Michelle was feeling ill, so Tracey took her outside. The only reason Legolas didn't go with her as well was because he had been told to 'sod off' by Tracey, who was sick of hearing "Is she alright? Does she need anything? Is she warm enough? Is she hungry?" She knew he was only trying to help, but so far, he had only got in the way.  
  
All the riders were mounted and ready to leave, They were just waiting on Éomer, who had gone to find Aragorn, with Legolas and Gimli.  
  
"Why does it take three of them to find one man?" said Tracey.  
  
"I suppose it's a bloke thing." Replied Michelle. "Not smart enough to do it alone. They need more than one brain cell to do such a hard task. With those three, they have 2½ brain cells."  
  
"You mean three."  
  
"No. Legolas is a typical blonde." They started to giggle, then laugh, and ended laughing hysterically, for no apparent reason. Presently, Éomer came out from the gate and with him were Aragorn, Halbarad, Elladan, Elrohir, Legolas and Gimli.  
  
"I am troubled in mind, lord." Said Aragorn, standing by the king's. "I have heard strange words, and I see new perils far off. I have laboured long in thought and now I fear that I must change my purpose. Tell me, Théoden, you ride now to Dunharrow, how long will it be before you are there?" Aragorn and the king talked for a while about things that did not interest Michelle and Tracey. So they continued to talk about some of Legolas' blonde moments.  
  
When they eventually stopped laughing, Tracey and Michelle looked about them and realised that they were completely alone. The king and the riders were long gone, and Aragorn and the others had gone in to talk. They were just two girls left outside, alone.  
  
"Charming!" said Tracey. "They've all gone! I wonder how long it's been. But, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, them Ranger people and the other freaky elf people have gone too. Ooh, I'd be pissed off if I were you, Michelle. You're boyfriend has gone and forgotten you. Left you out side in the not- so-cold weather."  
  
"Oh, don't worry. I am." She said. They walked back into Burg, were they found the three men in council.  
  
"Then lost it must be," said Gimli, as they entered the hall. "For what help is there to send-"  
  
"Thanks for waiting!!!" snapped Michelle. "We appreciate it." She shot an evil look at Legolas and Aragorn, then pulled up a chair and slumped in it. She was just waiting on the rushed apology from Legolas. He hated upsetting her, and was always quick to try and right his wrongdoings.  
  
"We're sorry, Michelle." Said Legolas, right on cue. "It's just you looked like you were having a good time, and Aragorn was hungry, but we didn't want to disturb you. I'm sorry." Tracey started to laugh.  
  
"You are so weak, Legolas." She said. Michelle grinned at her. "She has got you wrapped around her little finger. She says jump and you do it. I wish I had a man that controlled." Legolas looked at Tracey then at Michelle, who had a big smirk on her face.  
  
"So, you're not really mad at us?"  
  
"Had you going, didn't I?"  
  
"You two are very annoying." He said, moodily.  
  
"Can we carry on now?" said Aragorn, irritably. "Thank you. The living have never used that road since the coming of the Rohirrim for it was closed to them. But in this dark hour the heir of Isildur may use it, if he dare. Listen! This is the word that the sons of Elrond bring to me from their father in Rivendell, wisest in lore: Bid Aragorn remember the words of the seer, and the Paths of the Dead."  
  
"And what may the words of the seer be?" said Legolas.  
  
"Thus spoke Malbeth the Seer, in the days of Arvedui, last king at Fornost," said Aragorn. The girls stood up at left the room, as they were bored out of their minds. It was obvious that they were to go to these Paths of the Dead, as they couldn't stay where they were, alone, and they weren't interested in having a history lesson. They left school behind in Minas Tirith.  
  
The men did not take very long and soon rejoined Tracey, Michelle and the hooded Rangers. Legolas looked at the two girls and turned to Aragorn.  
  
"Perhaps, they should stay at Edoras, when we reach it. They are only 15, and one of them is pregnant. I do not think it is safe or wise to take them on such a cursed journey."  
  
"I hope your not implying that we cannot look after ourselves, Legolas Greenleaf." Michelle said. "Because I wouldn't like to be in your shoes if you were."  
  
"You can't forget your present state of health."  
  
"You act as if I am unwell."  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"No, I don't. Try explaining yourself."  
  
"You must be careful, Michelle, or you could lose the baby!"  
  
"I am careful! And I would prove to you that I am responsible too, if you would just stop smothering me!" She hadn't meant to say that, but it was true.  
  
"I do no such thing!" he said, defensively.  
  
"Yes you do! You constantly tell me what I can and can't do!"  
  
"I'm only trying to protect you!"  
  
"I can look after myself, Legolas. I don't need you or anybody else controlling me." She looked over at Gimli. "Gimli, you may ride with Legolas to Edoras." She turned her back on him, and walked over to Aragorn. "If you don't mind Aragorn, I will ride with you."  
  
"Sure, why not." He replied. He was about to help her up onto his horse, Roheryn, when Legolas stopped them.  
  
"Michelle, please. I didn't know my actions affected you so. Ride with me to Edoras, so that we may speak. Please." She looked him. It was true, they needed to sort some things out, and she had been quite harsh on him.  
  
"Very well. Sorry Aragorn. You're going to have to put up with Tracey." Legolas and Michelle, Aragorn and Tracey and Gimli and Halbarad all mounted. Halbarad lifted a great horn, and the blast of it echoed in Helm's Deep; and with that they leapt away, riding down the Coomb like thunder.  
  
While Théoden went by slow paths in the hills, the Grey Company passed swiftly over the plain, and on the next day in the afternoon they came to Edoras; and they halted only briefly, before they passed up the valley, and so came to Dunharrow as darkness fell. The Lady Éowyn greeted them and was glad of their coming; for no mightier men had she seen than the Dunedain and fair sons of Elrond; but on Aragorn most of all her eyes rested.  
  
At supper, Aragorn and Éowyn talked. Aragorn told her of his plans to go to the Paths of the Dead. She was horrified at this news and tried to talk him out of it, but did not succeed. So they retired to bed.  
  
The light of day appeared in the sky, but the sun was not yet risen, and Aragorn made ready to depart. His Company (including Michelle and Tracey, whom Legolas and himself had failed to discourage) were all mounted and he was about to leap into the saddle, when Lady Éowyn came to bid them farewell. When their conversation ended, he sprang into the saddle and rode away.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: OK, so since you found out who the dad is it's not been all that funny, so I'm sorry.  
  
Do you want more Frodo and Mary-Jo? Because I have ideas, but there's no point me writing it if you don't want to know.  
  
Did you like their argument? I thought it was very typically Michelle. She is quite selfish, if you think about it, and very mean to Legolas. But what can you expect, she's a 15-year old girl. But she does love him, honest.  
  
Anywayz, I won't say it again, ideas etc. and don't forget to review, my lovely friends! Bye bye!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx 


	34. Mix ups and confusion

1 A/N: Just to let you know, I'm doing what I did with Isengard. After this chapter, I'm jumping to when Aragorn and all them get to Minas Tirith. So just remember all the bits with Pippin and Merry and all that crappy stuff, and yep, so there. Bye.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 34  
  
They finally reached the Dark Door. Michelle hadn't been affected by the horror stories Aragorn had told her to try and make her stay behind, but now she was beginning to wish she had. Now was definitely a time when she wished she was on better terms with Legolas. They had talked, actually more like argued, on the way to Edoras and during their stay. But they had barely spoken after leaving Éowyn to grieve. 'Oh, stuff this!' she thought and grabbed Legolas' hand. In her other hand she held Tracey's and they slowly walked in.  
  
Aragorn had brought torches from Dunharrow, and now he went ahead bearing one aloft; and Elladan with another went at the rear, and Gimli, stumbling behind, strove to overtake him. But, if the company halted, there seemed an endless whisper of voices all about them, a murmur of words in no tongue that they had ever heard before. Nothing assailed the company nor withstood their passage, yet steadily fear grew on Michelle and Tracey as they went on: most of all because they knew now that there could be no turning back; all the paths behind were thronged by an unseen host that followed in the dark.  
  
Michelle had let go of Legolas' hand, but still clung tightly to Tracey's. They stayed close to Elladan because he held a light, and they were both uneasy in the dark, even though 35 strong and capable men and a dwarf surrounded them. Aragorn spotted something glint in the light of the torches, so he went over to see what it was.  
  
"Is he completely off his head?!" Michelle said, whilst she watched in horror. "That could be anything! A trap or something!" But they began to creep forward to have a look anyway. Aragorn was kneeling, while Elladan held aloft the torches. Before him were the bones of a mighty man. He had been clad in mail, and still his harness lay there whole, for the cavern's air was as dry as dust, and his hauberk was gilded. His belt was of gold and garnets, and rich with gold was the helm upon his bony head face downwards on the floor. He had fallen near the far wall of the cave, as now could be seen, and before him stood a stony door closed fast: his finger bones were still clawing at the cracks. A notched and broken sword lay by him, as if he had hewn at the rock in his last despair.  
  
"EEEWWW!!! Gross!" said Michelle in seeing the skeleton. "Can we go now? I don't want to end up like him!" Aragorn summoned the Dead, but no answer came, except now the silent whispers had ceased and a chill blast came in which the torches flickered out and could not be rekindled. Tracey and Michelle both let out a yelp when the torches went out, and became most desperate to move on.  
  
"TRACEY!" Michelle hissed. "Give me your bloody hand!"  
  
"I have." She answered.  
  
"No, you haven't."  
  
"Then, whose hand am I holding?"  
  
"Mine." Said a voice.  
  
"Who are you?" the girls asked together.  
  
"Aragorn." The voice replied. Tracey quickly snatched her hand away.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Michelle, where are you?"  
  
"Over here!"  
  
"Where's here? I can't see!" Michelle groped her way through the darkness.  
  
"Is that you, Trace?"  
  
"No, it's me."  
  
"Who's me?"  
  
"Gimli."  
  
"ARGH! Tracey, where are you?"  
  
"Here!"  
  
"Don't start that again, I can't see!"  
  
"Is that you Michelle?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Good." Tracey held her hand tight, but wasn't convinced. She felt her way up the arm.  
  
"Michelle, where's your head? Oh, there it is." She continued to poke the face. "Michelle, is that a beard?" She poked the person in the eye.  
  
"OOOWWW!!!"  
  
"ARGH! Who's that?" cried Tracey, as the person next to her screamed in pain.  
  
"Aragorn, again."  
  
"Then, who's hand have I got?" said Michelle.  
  
"Mine. Elladan."  
  
"Oops. Wrong elf. Oh well, you've got nice hands."  
  
"What about me?" said Legolas "What's wrong with my hands?"  
  
"Um, yours are all bowified!"  
  
"So are his!"  
  
"Well, um, he's still got nice hands. Tracey, get over here." They finally found each other. The held each other's hand again and continued to stumble through the darkness. They walked on, for how many hours they did not know. And when despair was just beginning to set in, they heard a tinkle of water, a sound hard and clear as a stone falling into a dream of dark shadow. Light grew, and lo! the company passed through another gateway, high-arched and broad, and a rill ran out beside them; and beyond, going steeply down, was a road between sheer cliffs, knife-edged against the sky far above. So deep and narrow was the chasm that the sky was dark and in it small stars glinted. But it was only two hours before sunset on the day they had set out from Dunharrow.  
  
"ALLELUIA!" cried Michelle, as she exited the darkness.  
  
"Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you!" said Tracey. "I thought we were never going to come out of there alive!" They hugged each other in celebration, then mounted again. Legolas turning to speak to Michelle looked back, and she saw before her face the glitter in the Elf's bright eyes.  
  
"You've got such beautiful eyes." She said, dreamily. Legolas smiled with appreciation at the remark, but didn't take his eyes away from the sight behind them. Behind them rode Elladan, last of the Company, but not last of those that took the downward road.  
  
"The Dead are following." Said Legolas.  
  
"WHAT?!?!" shrieked Michelle. She span around to see, but could only see the land behind them shrouded in darkness. "How can the dead be following us? Their dead!"  
  
"Yes," said Elladan, "the Dead ride behind. They have been summoned."  
  
The Company came at last out of the ravine, as suddenly as if they had issued from a crack in a wall; and there lay the uplands of a great vale before them, and the stream beside them went down with a cold voice over many falls. They looked over the vale quickly, then, with out, Aragorn cried aloud so that all could hear:  
  
"Friends, forget your weariness! Ride now, ride! We must come to the Stone of Erech ere this day pa-" he was cut off.  
  
"Speak properly!" Michelle shouted over him.  
  
"Before this day passes, and long still is the way." So, without looking back, they rode the mountain-fields, until they came to a bridge over a growing torrent and found a road went down into the land.  
  
Bells were ringing far below, and men all around fled before the face of Aragorn (A/N: I know he's ugly, but he isn't that bad!); but the Grey Company in their haste rode like hunters, until their horses were stumbling with weariness. And thus, just before midnight, and in a darkness as black as the caverns in the mountains, they came at last to the Hill of Erech.  
  
"Jeesh!" said Tracey. "What a dull place! Glad I don't live here. I'd be bored out of my wits!" Aragorn began to speak to the Dead. When he had finished the Company camped beside the Stone of Erech, and all but Michelle slept little, because of the dread that hedged them round. And when the dawn came, cold and pale, Aragorn rose at once, and he led the Company forth upon the journey of the greatest haste and weariness that many among them had known, save he alone, and only his will held them to go on. No other mortal men could have endured it, none but the Dunedain of the North, and with them Gimli the Dwarf, Legolas of the Elves and Tracey and Michelle, two stubborn 15-year old girls from Gondor, who could withstand anything if challenged. 


	35. Minas Tirith

1 A/N: READ THIS! Ok, so GoT and me have been doing a bit of thinking (yep, it hurt, a lot!) and we realised that she isn't three months pregnant, she's five! So ignore anything said about how far-gone she is, and imagine that she is showing. Also, try and find some weird and wonderful way to make it so that they couldn't tell she was pregnant until she told them (baggy clothes or something). Just thought I'd let you know.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 35  
  
Thus came Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Elessar, Isildur's heir, out of the Paths of the Dead, borne upon the wind from the sea to the kingdom of Gondor. And the mirth of the Rohirrim was a torrent of laughter and flashing of swords, and the joy and wonder of the City was a music of trumpets and a ringing of bells. But the hosts of Mordor were seized with bewilderment, and a great wizardry it seemed to them that their own ships should be filled with their foes; and a black dread fell on them, knowing that the tides of fate had turned against them and their doom was at hand.  
  
The soldiers of Mordor were trapped. They were surrounded, for now men leaped from the ships to the quays of the Harlond and swept north like a storm. There came Legolas, and Gimli wielding his axe, and Halbarad with his standard, and Elladan and Elrohir with stars on their brow, and the dour-handed Dunedain, Rangers of the North, leading a great valour of the folk of Lebennin and Lamedon and the fiefs of the South. But before all went Aragorn with the Flame of the West, Anduril like new fire kindled, Narsil re-forged as deadly as of old; and upon his brow was the Star of Elendil. And Michelle stayed on the ship, as a battlefield is no place for pregnant women. Tracey stayed with her for company.  
  
When all the fighting was over, Legolas and one of the Rangers returned to get Tracey and Michelle, to take them back to Minas Tirith.  
  
"We're going home, Trace!" Michelle cried excitedly.  
  
"I know! Wow! I haven't been home for ages! Mom will be wondering what happened to me."  
  
"Didn't you tell her?"  
  
"Yeah, but I said I was going to be a couple of weeks. That was over two months ago." They both knew she would probably get into serious trouble, but they started to laugh anyway.  
  
When they entered the City, they saw Aragorn at the Gate.  
  
"Aren't you going in?" said Tracey, curiously.  
  
"I've had this conversation with someone already! No, not yet!"  
  
"I was only asking." Tracey left Legolas and Michelle alone, in search of her mother.  
  
"Wish me luck."  
  
"Good luck." They replied, and she walked off.  
  
"Well, what do you want to do?" She said.  
  
"I have no idea." He replied. "Hadn't you better go home or something first."  
  
"There'll be no one there. No more Boromir, remember. I have no idea where my dad is, or my grandfather." She pretended to start crying. "Nobody loves me."  
  
"I love you." She put her arms around his neck.  
  
"I love you more." At that moment, a man and a woman walked past.  
  
"I can't believe it! It's just not fair!" said the women.  
  
"Poor Faramir!" said the man. Michelle picked up on her father's name. She turned from Legolas, grabbed the man and pulled him to face her so he was about an inch away from her face.  
  
"What's wrong with Faramir?!" she shouted at the man.  
  
"ARGH! Oh my word, you're back!" cried the man, recognising Michelle. "Something happened in the battle. He's in the Houses of Healing." Without a word of thanks, she pushed the man away from her, ran to the top of the road, skidded to a halt, turned and ran back. She stopped in front of Legolas.  
  
"Sorry!" she gave him a kiss, then ran as fast as she could to the Houses of Healing.  
  
When she arrived, everybody was inside. She ran into the room where Faramir lay, pushed Gandalf out of the way whilst shouting:  
  
"MOVE!" then stopped in front of her father. "Aragorn, shift it!"  
  
"But, I'm trying…"  
  
"I said MOVE!" and she pushed him out of the way. She stood next to her Dad and began to cry.  
  
"Dad! Daddy, please! Wake up!" And, as if answering her calls, he started to stir. His eyes slowly opened and he looked at the person in front of him.  
  
"Who's… that?" he said slowly, as his eyes came back into focus. Michelle's tears were now those of joy.  
  
"It's me, Daddy! Michelle!" Realisation lit his face and he recognised where he was. He looked at Michelle with an odd look in his eye.  
  
"I know I haven't seen you in a year, but you've put on weight!" he said. She suddenly remembered that he was practically the only person who didn't know.  
  
"Um, Dad. I've got something to tell you. Now's possibly not the best time to tell you, but… I'm pregnant." And with that he passed out again.  
  
"Great going, Michelle!" said Aragorn. "That's exactly what we wanted to do! Why did you have to tell him now?! He's just woken up!"  
  
"He needed to now!" she said, whilst crying. "I didn't know that would happen! He would have found out some time. If he thought I'd been lying to him, he'd kill me!"  
  
"Judging by your present state, I think he'll kill you anyway!" Faramir came to, again.  
  
"I just had the funniest dream." He said. "I dreamt that, Michelle, you told me you were pregnant." He started to laugh, then stopped. "You are, aren't you?" She nodded her head. "Wait, there was another dream. I also dreamt that I met Mary-Jo with two hobbits, and she told me you were in love with an Elf!" he looked at Michelle. "You are, aren't you?" she nodded her head again.  
  
Seeing that Faramir was now as well as could be expected after being told his 15-year old daughter was pregnant, Aragorn left them to talk, and to see to Éowyn and Merry.  
  
"But, you're only 15, Michelle!" cried Faramir. "What did you think you were doing?!"  
  
"At least you approved of him." She answered, in a sulk. "Before you ask, no the father isn't Legolas! Do you remember Paul? Well that's who it is. And no I haven't told yet, as I haven't seen him to do so!"  
  
"Legolas. That's this Elf's name is it?"  
  
"Yes! And don't call him 'this Elf'! I love him, Dad! And he loves me! He's really supported me through this! He's been there for me!"  
  
"I'll bet he has." He muttered, keeping his real thoughts to himself.  
  
"Once, Dad! That's all it was, once! And that was only with Paul!!!"  
  
"All right! All right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't accuse you when I don't know all the facts. I want to know everything. Start at the beginning."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: OK, listen to me people! Some women do have periods when they are pregnant! It doesn't happen very often, but it does happen! Sara_greenleaf: I asked the same question! But thank you for your concern! I'm glad you pay attention! Bye!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx 


	36. Master, dear master!

1 Chapter 36  
  
"ARGH! SPIDER! SPIDER!" three Orcs came running at her.  
  
"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Mary-Jo got a newspaper out of her pack and rolled it up into a thin tube. She walked in the direction from which the Orcs had appeared. She found a long, hairy leg and began to hit it viciously, with the rolled up newspaper.  
  
"BAD SPIDER!" Then she suddenly realised the size of the leg she was beating. She stopped the assault, and followed the long leg upward, with her eyes.  
  
"Big spider! Um, I think I'm going to need a bigger paper." The three Orcs, who had previously run away from Shelob, then brought a giant rolled up newspaper to her. "Thank you." She turned back to Shelob and began to beat her again. "BAD SPIDER! BAD SPIDER! BAD SPIDER!" Eventually, Shelob couldn't take it anymore. She hobbled slowly away back to her hole, as many of her legs were now broken thanks to Mary-Jo.  
  
Mary-Jo ran over to Sam, who was in a little crumpled pile on the floor after being attacked by Gollum. She stood him up, and he walked as quickly as he could back to Frodo, who now lay deathly white on the cold stone floor of Shelob's lair.  
  
"Master, dear master!" he ran to Frodo's side, as did Mary-Jo. "Master, dear master!" he said again.  
  
"Yes, we get the picture!" snapped Mary-Jo. "Quit with the 'master, dear master!' " They cut the cords that bound Frodo, and Mary-Jo put her ear to his mouth for any sign of breath and a flutter of a heartbeat. But there was nothing.  
  
"Frodo, Mr. Frodo!" cried Sam, "Don't leave me here alone, with her! It's your Sam calling!"  
  
"And your Mary-Jo!" she cried.  
  
"Don't go where I can't follow! Wake up, Mr. Frodo! O wake up, Frodo, me dear, me dear. Wake up!" The images in Galadriel's mirror came flooding back to him: Frodo with his pale face lying fast asleep under a great dark cliff. Or fast asleep he had thought then.  
  
"He's dead." Sam said quietly, as the words set in.  
  
"NO!" shouted Mary-Jo. "He can't be! Frodo! Wake up, wake up! It's all right now, she's gone! Please wake up!" she started to cry.  
  
"We have to go on." Said Sam, suddenly. "The job still has to be done. It all depends on us now."  
  
"We can't leave him alone, and unburied! What if that horrid creature comes back?!" she cried, alarmed that the thought could ever occur. 'But,' she thought, 'maybe we should. He's right, the ring still has to be destroyed. What would Frodo tell us to do? Go on, of course! And so would Michelle; and Gandalf and Aragorn, everybody!'  
  
"You're right Sam. We must go on."  
  
"I am?!" He was astonished she had agreed with him. He had actually hoped that she would want to stay with Frodo, and then he could go off alone, and be rid of her for good. But another part him was glad. At least he wouldn't get lonely, and he could talk to someone about Mr. Frodo, without them getting bored.  
  
"Yes, we have to go on. But if we do, will need to borrow some of Frodo's belongings I'm afraid. The unmentionable, of course, and Sting. Sting will be very useful."  
  
"And Galadriel's star-glass. We will ever be in darkness now, so it will be very handy."  
  
"Yes, good thinking Sam." They gathered the things they needed. "We're terribly sorry, Frodo. But, if we're to go on we need these things. You understand, don't you? And don't you worry about Sam. He's in semi-safe hands." And with that, they left.  
  
They walked, slowly and sorrowfully. Every so often, one of them would turn and look back, then carry on going. They were coming to the top of some steps and were in a Cleft at last. They stood still for a minute, and suddenly they both heard a noise of tramping feet behind them and before them: Orcs were coming up to the Cleft from the far side.  
  
"SHIT!" whispered Mary-Jo. " Hide somewhere! Quick!" There was an area of tall, overgrown thorns to Sam's right. "There's no where else t go, quick!" and they leapt in. They had to try their very hardest not to let out the cries of pain, as the Orcs were now dangerously close. The two orc- companies met and began to argue, and then one of them spotted Frodo lying on the floor in the tunnel. They seized him and began to carry him away. Mary-Jo leapt out of the thorns, but Sam dragged her back.  
  
"No, miss!" he said, trying not to shout. "You can't! There are loads of them, and two of us! We would die, instantly!"  
  
"But we can't let them take Frodo! Who knows what they will do to the poor thing!!!"  
  
"We will follow them." Said Sam. "My place is by Mr. Frodo. I don't know what I was thinking. But they must understand that. Elrond and the council, and all those Lords and Ladies with all their wisdom."  
  
"I wasn't even meant to be there! I just joined because I was bored! I can't abandon my friend when he needs me! Come, Sam! We will go and reclaim Frodo!" And they sprang after them in the darkness.  
  
They ran as fast as their tired legs would carry them, which wasn't quick enough. Orcs go fast in tunnels, and this one they knew well. The Orcs were travelling quicker than there pursuers, and Mary-Jo and Sam could hear the noise gradually growing more and more distant. Then they heard a rumbling noise, and just as they hurried up, a bump. As far as they could guess, the Orcs had turned and gone into the very opening that Frodo and themselves had tried and found blocked. There was a great stone in the way, but the Orcs had got through somehow. They could hear two voices coming from the other side of the stone. They listened to the Orcs conversation, and to their horror, found out that Frodo wasn't dead.  
  
"What have we done?!" cried Mary-Jo, when the orc-voice grew further away. "He's not dead! And he's been taken by those hideous things!"  
  
"Look!" said Sam, pointing upwards. There was a blank space between the top and low arch of the opening.  
  
"I can't fit through there." Said Mary-Jo. "But you might. Do you think you could do it Sam? Climb through and undo whatever latch or bolt is on the other side?"  
  
"Of course I can! We've got to get to Mr. Frodo!" She lifted him up and he climbed through the gap. Mary-Jo heard the bolt slide back, and she pushed the great stone with all her might. Eventually, they had moved it so it was just wide enough for her to fit through, but it took every ounce of energy in them to do so.  
  
They followed the sound of the voices, which were now quite far, but still audible.  
  
"That's what I'm going to do," said Shagrat in angry tones. "Put him in the top chamber."  
  
"What for?" growled Gorbag. "Haven't you any lock-ups down below?"  
  
"He's going out of harm's way, I tell you." Answered Shagrat. "See? He's precious. I don't trust all my lads and none of yours; nor you neither, when you're mad for fun. He's going where I want him, and where you won't come, if you don't keep civil. Up the top, I say. He'll be safe there."  
  
"Will he?" said Mary-Jo. She seized Sting out of Sam's hand and charged around the corner, only to find that by some trick of the tunnel she had misjudged the distance of the voices. The two orc-figures were still some way ahead. She could see them now, black and squat against the red glare. The passage ran straight at last, up an incline; and at the end, wide open, were great double doors, leading probably to deep chambers far below the high horn of the tower. Already the Orcs with their burden had passed inside. Gorbag and Shagrat were drawing near the gate.  
  
Sam and Mary-Jo heard a burst of hoarse singing, blaring of horns and banging of gongs, a hideous clamour. Gorbag and Shagrat were already on the threshold.  
  
"NO!" cried Sam. "Mr. Frodo!" Mary-Jo yelled and ran forward, but their little voices were drowned in the tumult. No one heeded him. The great doors slammed to. Boom. The bars of iron fell into place inside. Clang. The gate was shut. Mary-Jo hurled herself against the bolted brazen plates and fell senseless to the ground. She was out in the darkness. Frodo was alive but taken by the Enemy.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: I want to apologise for how badly written the first 10 or so chapters are! I re-read it last night, and it was very bad!!!!!! Oops, so sorry! Anyway, hope you enjoyed!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx 


	37. Super cool Elf dude!

1 A/N: I can't remember what they did to greet each other at this time, so I've just got traditional hand-shaking. If anyone knows please let me know and I'll happily change it! Thanks peeps!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 37  
  
Legolas re-entered the City with Gimli. When Michelle ran off to see her father the day before, he had gone back out of the Gate to Aragorn and Gimli. Now, he and Gimli were going to find Merry and Pippin. At length they came to Prince Imrahil, and Legolas looked at him and bowed low; for he saw that here indeed was one who had elven-blood in his veins.  
  
Prince Imrahil sent a servant to guide them to the Houses of Healing. Their meeting was a merry one. For a while they walked and talked, rejoicing for a brief space and rest under the morning high up in the windy circles of the City. Then when Merry became weary, they went and sat upon the wall with the greensward of the Houses of Healing behind them. Away southward before them was the Anduin glittering in the sun, as it flowed away, out of the sight even of even Legolas, into the wide flats and green haze of Lebennin and South Ithilien.  
  
Legolas sat worrying. He wondered if Faramir knew Michelle was pregnant yet. He wondered if he knew about him and Michelle. He wondered what his reaction was or would be.  
  
"I wonder if he knows." He said, not actually to anybody.  
  
"If who knows what?" said Pippin.  
  
"Faramir. I wonder if Michelle's told him anything yet."  
  
"Who's Faramir?" said Merry.  
  
"Lord Denethor's son. Well, he was Lord Denethor's son, but Denethor is now dead, so he's nobody's son." Said Pippin.  
  
"He is Michelle's father." Said Legolas.  
  
"OK, I didn't know that! Wow! Denethor was a granddad?! Well, I'm glad I'm not Michelle." Said Pippin  
  
"Apparently, he's not a man to be crossed. So, I'm a bit scared for Michelle, not to mention myself!" Right then, Michelle and Faramir walked out of the Houses of Healing. Michelle spotted them first.  
  
"Legolas!" she ran over to them. "I'm sorry for leaving like that, yesterday. It's just what with my Dad being nearly dead, and everything."  
  
"It's OK." He replied. Michelle turned around to her Dad. "Dad, this is Legolas. Legolas, my father, Faramir." They shook hands and Michelle breathed a sigh of relief. 'I suppose he doesn't look to bad.' Faramir thought. 'A bit of a pretty boy, though.'  
  
"Yep, so you've met, now, that's good." Michelle said not knowing what to say. It was so awkward knowing that Faramir didn't really approve of Legolas, and Legolas was very scared of what would happen.  
  
"I would like to thank you, Legolas." Said Faramir. Legolas and Michelle both stared at him like was mad. 'Thank me? What the hell for?!'  
  
"Apparently, you've been a great help to my Michelle. I know she had Tracey, but she was never very good with emotional stuff." Legolas had absolutely no idea what to say. He had only been doing what and friend and boyfriend should do.  
  
"That's alright." He said slowly, not sure if it was the right thing to say. "I couldn't have just left her to deal with it on her own. I do love her, um, what should I call you?" Legolas was very scared of what the reaction to this would be. Thankfully, Faramir laughed. Whatever Michelle had said, it obviously hadn't upset him too much.  
  
"Faramir. It's my name, isn't it? Unless Michelle's done something else without telling me."  
  
"Shut up, Dad!" she said, whilst going red. All eyes were on her stomach now. "Anyway, you were saying how much you love me, Legolas." He looked up and saw her grinning at him.  
  
"Yes, well, I do love her, Faramir, even when she's stubborn. And I won't do anything to hurt her." Faramir seemed content with the answer he received.  
  
"And anyway, Dad, its not like anybody could not love me, is it?" Legolas and Faramir both laughed. They knew she was only joking, but there was an element of boasting in her voice.  
  
"Well, good luck to you, Legolas. I think you'll need it! If you can handle that, then you're braver than I am." Michelle took hold of Legolas' hand, whilst Pippin looked on, in despair. 'Damn you, you stupid Elf!' he thought.  
  
Faramir walked back into the Houses of Healing, as he was beginning to feel tired. Legolas and Michelle left Merry, Pippin and Gimli and began to wander the streets of Minas Tirith.  
  
"Have you stood upon the walls yet? On a clear day, such as this, you can see for miles."  
  
"I have not."  
  
"Come on then. I'll show you." She began to lead him in the direction of the Gate. They stopped to get some chocolate for Michelle, then continued. As they were walking, Legolas watched her. Everything about was just perfect. She noticed him watching her.  
  
"What?" she said, curiously. "Have I got chocolate on my nose or round my mouth or something?"  
  
"No, you're fine." He leant over to kiss her, but they were interrupted.  
  
"Michelle!" cried a voice. "You're back! I'm so happy to see you!" Michelle looked in the direction of the voice and her eyes widened in horror. Paul was walking towards them.  
  
"Legolas. Help." She whispered.  
  
"Who's that?" he whispered back.  
  
"Paul."  
  
"The Paul?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm going to kill him." Legolas went to take a step, but Michelle stopped him.  
  
"No, you can't!" she hissed. "You'll get thrown out of the City! Paul, hi. How are you? I haven't seen you for months." She muttered under her breath: "Thank God."  
  
"I know, it's been so long." He then noticed 1) Legolas' hand round Michelle's waist and 2) Michelle's bump. He looked at Michelle in confusion. He began to point at the three of them, and spluttered out nothing, unable to speak actual words.  
  
"I think you should tell him." Said Legolas.  
  
"Do I have to?" she whined. She really didn't like that idea at all.  
  
"Yes, he needs to know."  
  
"But I don't want to."  
  
"You tell him, or I will."  
  
"You wouldn't!"  
  
"Watch me."  
  
"OK, OK I'll tell him. Paul, I need to tell you something. You see, the thing is…" she looked down and noticed a mark on her dress. This distracted her attention from the main focus of the conversation. "Oops." She began to rub the mark off her dress.  
  
"Oops indeed." Said Legolas quietly, but Michelle heard him. She playfully slapped his arm.  
  
"Shut up! Yeah, anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Paul, I'm pregnant, in case you hadn't noticed, and… you're the father." Paul had worked that one out, he was more interested in who this blonde pretty boy was, with his arm around Michelle. He looked at Legolas with the evilest glare in his eyes.  
  
"And who is this?" he said, trying to sound polite, but failing quite miserably.  
  
"This is Legolas." Michelle said with a grin, whilst shuffling closer to him. Legolas drew his arm tighter around her. "We met a few months ago, didn't we love. When I went to Imladris with Boromir, I had the best luck in the world in finding my Legolas." She put emphasis on the 'my', purposely, to aggravate Paul. Legolas understood what she trying to do perfectly well. Paul was one of those sad 18-year old lads who couldn't get a girlfriend their own age, so fell desperately in love with girls younger than them and got terribly jealous when the relationship ended and the girl moved on.  
  
"So you two are 'together'?" he said, whilst trying to stop his voice from shaking with anger. He had waited for Michelle to come home. Fair enough, she had split up with him before she left, but he hadn't expected her to come home with an Elf on her arm. And, he had taken it as a temporary thing. A trial period, so to speak. 'Michelle is mine!' he thought. 'She loves me! Not him! She's only known him since December, how can it be love?!?!?!'  
  
"Yes! And very happy." She said, with a smile. "And what's even better, is Dad likes him!" Paul couldn't take the torment any longer.  
  
"Come on then!" he said to Legolas. Michelle wasn't in the least bit worried. Legolas was armed; Paul wasn't. Legolas was strong; Paul wasn't. Legolas was, well, Legolas! And he was to kind to do any lasting damage to Paul, however much he wanted. Legolas looked at Paul and laughed.  
  
"Have you noticed these?" he pointed to his daggers. "And these?" he pointed to his bow and full quiver of arrows.  
  
"Yes." Paul hissed.  
  
"And you still think you can take me on?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No. I don't think so." Legolas punched him, not very hard, and knocked him out. Suddenly, Tracey jumped up from nowhere, with pom-poms.  
  
"YAY! You knocked him out! WOO HOO!!! I always wanted to do that!  
  
'Oh Leggy, you're so fine!  
  
You're so fine,  
  
You blow my mind!  
  
Hey Leggy! Yeah! Yeah!  
  
Hey Leggy!' "  
  
"Alright! Less of the Legolas loving from you, thank you very much!" said Michelle, but she couldn't stop laughing. "Just go and get someone to sort him out. Hang on, let me re-phrase that. Go and get somebody to help him, NOT beat him up further."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: YAY! Go Leggy! WOO HOO! Stupid little bugger was so annoying, wasn't he! I mean come on. Like anybody is going to chose some pathetic 18-year old, that is obsessive and possessive, over Legolas! GET REAL!!! Anywayz, hope you liked! I'm brain-dead again, so if you want another chapter getting your thinking caps on and let me know! Hehe! Isn't Legolas just like the coolest dude ever!!!  
  
Btw, Lafitafi your fic is GREAT! I love it so much! It is so funny! To anyone who has no idea what I'm blabbering on about, LotR: FotR: My way by Lafitafi is one hell of a funny fic! Read it, its great! Go on, you know you want to!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	38. We're off to see the wizard, the wonderf...

1 Chapter 38  
  
"So, do you know what you're going to call it yet?" said Tracey. 'Finally.' She thought. 'Now is my chance.'  
  
"I haven't really given it much thought. Plus the fact, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet, do I?" Said Michelle. She didn't want to make any decisions without Legolas. He wasn't the biological father but he would be the child's dad when it was born.  
  
"Well, if it's a girl, do you know what's a really nice name? Tracey. It's really nice." Michelle looked at her best friend and laughed. Tracey was known for being indiscreet, but this was hilarious.  
  
"I actually quite like the name Kathryn for a girl." Said Michelle, she knew she would get a response from this.  
  
"I suppose it's alright." Said Tracey, with a frown. "But, still, you should bear Tracey in mind. It's such a pretty name, and of course, any child of yours will be absolutely gorgeous!"  
  
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Trace."  
  
"And if you call it Tracey," she continued, "You will be ever reminded of your most loving and caring best friend in the whole wide world!"  
  
"You never give up, do you?" said Michelle, whilst laughing. 'She's persistent, I'll give her that.' She thought.  
  
"I try." Said Tracey, with a grin. "So, where, in this ruin of a City, is Legolas. It's very unlike you two to be separated. You haven't had another argument, have you?"  
  
"No, we haven't. Believe it or not, I don't like arguing." Tracey raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Since when?"  
  
"I don't," Michelle said innocently. "Especially not with him."  
  
"And that's only because he always wins."  
  
"Shut up! Anyway, he's there." Said Michelle, pointing at Legolas, who was walking towards the girls. When he reached them, he took Michelle in his arms and kissed her as if he hadn't seen her for weeks.  
  
"Yuck! You two are gross!" said Tracey, whilst pretending to be sick. "Do you mind not doing that in public, please!"  
  
"Get over it!" said Michelle, when he finally let go of her. "You're just jealous that I've got a man and you haven't!"  
  
"Whatever!" Tracey walked away with a dismissive wave and a sickened look on her face. Michelle looked at Legolas, and he had a worried.  
  
"OK, I don't think I'm going to like what you're about to tell me, am I?" she said.  
  
"I've just seen Aragorn. He told we're setting forth to battle again in two days time. This time at the Black Gate."  
  
"What?!" she cried. "But, we've only just got back!" She hadn't been to see everyone yet, she had only just been re-united with her father and now she had to leave again.  
  
"Not you, Michelle. Just me. Aragorn said that you can't go in your condition, and I agree with him. Its not safe."  
  
"But you can't just leave me here!" she said. "And what if you're injured, or worse, killed! I might never see you again!"  
  
"It's a risk I have to, and am willing, to take." He hugged her tightly.  
  
"I couldn't bear it if you died, Legolas! Please, don't go. Stay here with me, where it's safe! Well, safer than Mordor at any rate."  
  
"I can't. I have to go." He hated seeing her like this, knowing he couldn't do anything that would help. "It's my duty to Aragorn and the City. Please understand. It has to be done!"  
  
"I know it does!" she sobbed. "I just wish you weren't the one to do it!"  
  
"If I could stay here with you, Michelle, I would, without any hesitation, but I can't. It just isn't an option."  
  
"I know that as well, but a girl can wish, can't she?"  
  
"I'm so sorry." He said. "We haven't spent any proper time together, yet, and it looks like we wont for a long time still. How I hate this stupid war!"  
  
"It's not your fault. We did meet under awkward circumstances. Going on a quest to destroy an evil ring and going to war isn't exactly the position to be in if you're going to fall in love."  
  
"Well, I'm not spending a minute of my remaining time away from you now. Who knows how long we'll be away, so I'm going to make the most of being with you while I can." She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"Good." 


	39. Horse riding lessons

1 Chapter 39  
  
"Oh crapping heck! Why did I agree to this?!" muttered Michelle, as she slowly and gently dragged herself out of bed, so as not to disturb Legolas. When he had said every minute, he had meant it. He hadn't even let her go home the previous evening, but she didn't mind. She quite liked the idea of sharing a bed with Legolas, even if that's all it was. She silently got dressed and slipped out of the room.  
  
The sun was just coming up and there was frost on the ground. Michelle shivered as she ran towards the stables, wishing she was still in bed. When she got there, she met Tracey.  
  
"OK, are you sure you want to do this?" she said, before even greeting her best friend. Michelle nodded her head. "You can always go back home, to bed."  
  
"No, I'm sure. I want, no make that, need to do this." Replied Michelle.  
  
"OK then. Kathrine is inside getting her horse ready." They went into the stables and met another of Michelle's friends. She was standing next to a beautiful, chestnut brown horse.  
  
"You managed to drag yourself out of bed then." Said Kathrine with a chuckle when she saw them. "This is my horse, Fierin."  
  
"You own a horse?" said Michelle, very shocked.  
  
"Yep. You can use her if you like, being as you'll be learning on her, it's probably wise."  
  
"She's beautiful." Said Michelle. She walked up Kathrine, stood beside Fierin, and stroked her.  
  
"Well, there's no point in wasting time. We haven't got very long, if you want this to stay a secret. I take it you know how to mount a horse."  
  
"I'm not that stupid." Tracey let out a little snort at this remark. "Don't start that again, Tracey. We settled that in Isengard!"  
  
"I never said a word."  
  
"Are you joining us, Trace?" said Kathrine, stopping the argument before it got out of hand. They had a tendency to do that with Michelle and Tracey.  
  
"I don't need to learn. I already know how to ride." She replied.  
  
"Then I'll have two teachers, which will help me learn quicker and therefore puts less stress on you."  
  
"Oh, all right then." Tracey went to prepare a horse.  
  
"We'll meet you outside, Trace." Called Kathrine, as she and Michelle left the stable.  
  
They spent two hours teaching Michelle how to ride properly. They were impressed by how quickly she picked things up. She was shown something once and then she was fine, she had it down to an art. She did have basic knowledge and she knew how to handle a horse, its just she wasn't very good at it. It turned out, Faramir had tried to teach her how to ride when she was little, but she really wasn't interested then, but Kathrine and Tracey didn't find this out until later.  
  
"Wow." Said Tracey, as they were putting away the horses. "I thought you said you needed to learn. By the looks of things, you already knew!"  
  
"I did. I'm just a quick learner. Anyway, you two have been great. Thank you so, so much!" She hugged them both.  
  
"Well, Legolas doesn't need to worry about who's got his back." Said Kathrine. "And the Enemy had better watch out. This girl can use a sword and ride a horse with style. She's lethal!"  
  
"Well, it's hard being perfect, you know!" they all laughed.  
  
"So, when am I going to meet this new fella of yours, that I've heard so much about?" asked Kathrine.  
  
"You mean to tell me you still haven't met or seen the ever-lovely, ever- charming, ever-with-Michelle Legolas?" said Tracey, genuinely shocked she hadn't met him yet. Michelle had paraded him around Minas Tirith like some kind of new pet. "You are missing out!"  
  
"You'll have to come and meet us later." Said Michelle.  
  
"I won't know when you're with him though."  
  
"When Tracey said 'ever-with-Michelle', she wasn't being funny. He really is with me all the time. We spent the whole day together yesterday, after he told me about this stupid battle. He wouldn't even let me go home last night."  
  
"Really." Said Tracey, suspiciously. "Well, I bet it was complete torture, wasn't it, Michelle? Seeing Legolas all na-"  
  
"STOP right there! Nothing happened, got it?!"  
  
"You expect us to believe that?!" said Kathrine.  
  
"You're meant to be sticking up for me! Why don't you believe me?"  
  
"You're pregnant for one." Said Tracey.  
  
"Yes, but Legolas isn't like Paul. Paul was a complete and utter arsehole. He wanted me for one thing, whatever he may say now, and I was weak enough to give in to that. Believe me, I've learnt my lesson!"  
  
"Of course, you have. We believe that shagging Legolas has never once crossed your mind." Said Kathrine, sarcastically.  
  
"Shut up! Anyway, what time is it?"  
  
"About quarter past eight, why?" said Tracey.  
  
"Crap! I'd better go, before Legolas realises that I'm gone! Come and see me later. I love him and everything, but he does my head in sometimes."  
  
"Where will you be?" said Tracey.  
  
"Probably at the Houses of Healing. If I'm not, I will have told Dad where I'm going, so just ask him. See you later!" She began to run but stopped almost immediately. She turned to face her friends again.  
  
"Oh yeah, Trace. If my Dad asks, I stayed at yours last night. Bye!"  
  
"And she says she never did anything." Said Kathrine.  
  
"I heard that!" came Michelle's voice.  
  
"Why all the secrecy then?" but she was gone.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Just to set the record straight before I get any dodgy reviews. THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!! He was just being protective, and possibly a little bit jealous. But you can understand why she's lying to her dad, and why her friends don't believe her though. Please tell me you do! I have a horrible habit at the moment of saying things that are meant to be funny but just aren't. So, if I'm making a complete fool out of myself let me know!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
Ps. I just checked my reviews. Wunderlust: I couldn't give a rat's arse what you have to say because I have lots of other people reading my story who appreciate the humour. Yes, humour, you might want to look it up in the dictionary, along with 'Sense of humour'. 


	40. Discoveries

1 Chapter 40  
  
The following day, the army of the west assembled on the Pelennor. Legolas and Gimli were to ride together in the company of Aragorn and Gandalf who went in the vanguard with the Dunedain and the sons of Elrond. But Merry, to his shame, was not to go with them.  
  
"You are not fit for such a journey." Said Aragorn. "But do not be ashamed. If you do no more in this war, you have already earned great honour. Peregrin shall go and represent the Shirefolk; and do not grudge him his chance for peril, for though he has done well as his fortune allowed him, he has yet to match your deed."  
  
"I know." Said Merry, miserably. "But it doesn't make me feel any better."  
  
"Farewell, young Meriadoc!"  
  
Michelle saw all of this. She was disguised as a rider. She had borrowed Fierin from Kathrine, and now was stood just a few metres behind Legolas. She watched him with tears in her eyes. She was betraying his trust, and hated doing so, but she would go crazy if she stayed in Minas Tirith. Not knowing if he was dead or alive would drive her insane. 'This is the right thing to do.' She thought. 'I'll be fine.'  
  
Suddenly, she heard a voice whispering down her ear.  
  
"So, you haven't told him yet, then?" Michelle turned around cautiously. Who was it? She looked at the person. There was something familiar about them, but what? Then it clicked.  
  
"Tracey?" she whispered, not daring to believe it was true. The thing she was most scared of on this journey was being alone. She couldn't speak to anyone, as she didn't sound like a man.  
  
"The one and only." She replied.  
  
"What are you doing? Why are you here?" she hissed. She was happy to see, but also disappointed at the same time. Tracey heard it in her voice  
  
"Nobody else knows you're here, Michelle." She said. "Nobody can look after you properly, not even Legolas. As far as he's concerned, you're just another man from Gondor, who is perfectly capable of looking after himself. If something happens to you, and Legolas goes back home to find no-one waiting for him, how do think he'll feel? Or, if you lose the baby. Are you going to handle it yourself? But maybe you're right. I'll just go now, shall I?"  
  
"I'm sorry, I was just shocked. Honestly, I'm glad you're here." Michelle said. She would have hugged her if they'd been anywhere else.  
  
"And anyway, you won't be bored now, will you?" Michelle was about to speak her thanks when the trumpets rang and the army began to move. Troop by troop, company by company, they wheeled and went off eastward. And long after, they passed out of sight down the great road to the Causeway.  
  
On the third day since setting forth from Minas Tirith the army began its northward march along the road. It was some hundred miles by that way from the Crossroads to the Morannon, and what might befall them before they came so far, none of them knew. They went openly, but heedfully, with mounted scouts before them on the road, and others on foot upon either side, especially on the eastward flank; for there lay dark thickets and a tumbled land of rock ghylls and crags, behind which the long grim slopes of Ephel Duath clambered up.  
  
The heralds still cried the coming of King Elessar three times day, but none yet had answered the challenge. Nonetheless, though they marched in seeming peace, the hearts of all the army, from the highest to the lowest, were downcast, and every mile that they went north foreboding of evil grew heavier on them. It was nearing the end on the day, when the leading companies were waylaid by a strong force of Orcs and Easterlings. But, the scouts had warned the Captains of the West well in advance, so aid was sent and the ambush itself was trapped. But the victor did little to enhearten the captains.  
  
"It is but a feint," said Aragorn, "and its chief purpose, I deem, was rather to draw us on by false guess of our Enemy's weakness than to do us much hurt, yet." And from that evening onwards the Nazgûl came and followed the every move of the army.  
  
Finally they were resting again. They had been riding for many, many hours and Tracey and Michelle were completely worn out. They separated themselves from the main bulk of their company.  
  
"How do they do it?" said Tracey, as she took her helm off her head and tossed it on the ground. "I mean, fair enough men are stronger than women, but this just takes the mick! It's so damn heavy! My neck is killing me!"  
  
"I know what you mean." Said Michelle, doing the same thing. "And this mail really irritates your skin."  
  
"It's so hot as well. I'm sweating beyond belief!" Michelle began to laugh.  
  
"Maybe this is why women don't go to war. Because we only ever moan about comfort and food, and anything else men would class as trivial."  
  
"I wouldn't call it trivial. Its just hygiene."  
  
"Yes, but you're a woman. Well, nearly. Anyway, these things matter to us, but men just don't care."  
  
"It's sickening. How anybody could live like this is beyond me."  
  
"Well, let's get some rest. Lord knows, we need it! We've been riding all day, my arse is caning!" They lay down on the grass and closed their eyes. Tracey breathed a sigh of relief, and Michelle put her hands behind her head. All they could hear was the low mutterings of the army and the spitting of the fire, when suddenly:  
  
"Michelle? Tracey? What on earth are you doing here?!" Their eyes flew open and they both sat bolt upright. Standing before them was Pippin. The girls sat open-mouthed, eyes wide with horror at being discovered. They sat silent, not knowing what to say. What excuse could they use? They had to tell him something now that he had seen them. They looked at each other and then, back at Pippin.  
  
"Are you going to tell me? Or do I have to go and get Aragorn? Or perhaps Legolas?"  
  
"NO!" squeaked Michelle. "No, Pippin, please, I beg you! I'll do anything! Don't tell them we're here! Please! We would be in so much trouble if they found out!"  
  
"Well, why are you here?" he asked, again. "I can't be for a day-trip."  
  
"I came because she did!" said Tracey. "I came because I care about what happens to her when she acts on one of her mad little schemes!"  
  
"You were the one who suggested it!" said Michelle.  
  
"And if I told you to jump in the fire, would you do that as well?" Michelle ignored Tracey's comment and turned back to Pippin.  
  
"I followed Legolas. I didn't want him to go, but I knew he had to, so I followed. It was a foolish thing to do, but love makes you do stupid things."  
  
"Michelle, what were you thinking?!" Pippin cried. "You're pregnant! You shouldn't be out fighting battles! And you Tracey, what were you thinking letting her do such an idiotic thing?! You should know better! If you were really looking out for her, you'd have made her stay at home!"  
  
"Don't have a go at me, shrimpy!" Tracey cried. She was not going to be shouted at by a boy, who was half her size. "I did nothing to influence her, so quit the lectures."  
  
"OK, I'm sorry." He said. "I think I've been hanging around Gandalf too much. I'm becoming sensible." All three of them shuddered at that thought. 


	41. PIPPIN!!!

1 Chapter 41  
  
So, it was on the sixth day from Minas Tirith when Aragorn and the Captains of the West came to the Black Gate and the might of Mordor. The two vast iron doors of the Black Gate under its frowning arch were fast closed. Upon the battlement nothing could be seen. All was silent but watchful. They were come to the last end of their folly, and stood forlorn and chill in the grey light of early day before towers and walls, which their army could not assault with hope. Not even if it brought thither engines of great power, and the Enemy had no more force than would suffice for the manning of the gate and wall alone.  
  
When all was ordered, the Captains rode forth towards the Black Gate with a great guard of horsemen and the banner and heralds and trumpeters. There was Gandalf as chief herald and Aragorn with the sons of Elrond, and Éomer of Rohan, and Imrahil; and Legolas, Gimli and Peregrin were bidden to go also, so that all enemies of Mordor should have a witness. The heralds sent their voices high over the battlements, challenging their foe and waited for a reply. None came. But, just as the Captains were about to turn away, the silence was broken suddenly. There came a long rolling of great drums like thunder in the mountains, and then a braying of horns that shook the very stones and stunned men's ears.  
  
One of the iron doors was thrown open with a great crowd, and out it there came an embassy from the Dark Tower. At its head there rode a tall and evil shape, mounted upon a black horse. The rider was robed all in black, and black was his lofty helm; yet this was no Ringwraith but a living man. He was the Lieutenant of the Tower of Barad Dûr.  
  
"I am the mouth of Sauron. Is there anyone in this rout with authority to treat with me? Or indeed with wit to understand me? Not thou at least!" he mocked, turning to Aragorn with scorn. "It needs more to make a king than a piece of elvish glass, or a rabble such as this. Why, any brigand of the hills can show as good a following!" Aragorn said nothing. Anger was swelling inside Michelle. 'How can he just stand there and take these insults?!' she cried to herself. She turned to Tracey.  
  
"He is mightier than any man alive this day, yet he says naught. What is he doing?"  
  
"Biding his time." Replied Tracey. "He does not need to retort to feeble mockeries, we all know to whom this demon speaks. Look, the servant of the Dark Lord quails yet Aragorn does not stir." Michelle gave Tracey a very odd look.  
  
"Would you mind repeating that in English, Tracey? What, the bloody hell, are you going on about?!"  
  
"He's the good guy, he doesn't need to prove it and everyone is scared of him. Happy now?" Michelle muttered something under her breath about Tracey, but she didn't quite catch what it was. She presumed it was an insult.  
  
When they turned their attention back to Aragorn and the Messenger, they couldn't quite see that the Messenger was holding up some of Frodo's belongings. The men about them all stood at around 6'0", whereas they only stood at about 5'4", so they were finding it very difficult to see.  
  
"What's happening? It can't see!" said Michelle.  
  
"I don't know, I can't see either!" said Tracey.  
  
"Look, there's a gap over there, maybe we'll be able to see better there. Come on." Michelle lead Tracey over to the gap she and seen, and sure enough they could see and hear very well. They had missed the majority of the conversation through trying to see, and all they heard was Gandalf crying this:  
  
"Get you gone, for your embassy is over and death is near to you. We did not come here to waste words in treating with Sauron, faithless and accursed; still less with one of his slaves. Be gone!" The Messenger leapt on his horse, in fear, and galloped madly back into Cirith Gorgor with his company. But as they went his soldiers blew their horns in signal long arranged; and even before they came to the Gate Sauron sprang his trap.  
  
Down from the hills on either side and out of the Black Gate poured Orcs innumerable. The men of the West were trapped, and soon all about the grey mounds where they stood, forces ten times and more than ten times their match would ring them in a sea of enemies.  
  
Michelle had no time to think. Orcs were charging at her left, right and centre. All she could do was pray and fight. She hadn't forgotten anything Arwen had taught her in Rivendell, and managed to slay many Orcs, but in the process she lost Tracey. Her eyes roved the battlefield and she saw Legolas just a few feet away from, but she couldn't get over to him. She carried on looking frantically for Tracey, whilst fighting off Orcs. Her eyes latched on to Pippin. The hill-troll next to him had knocked out Beregond. Pippin thrust his sword through the hide of the hideous creature, going deep into the vitals. Black blood surged out onto Pippin's hand, and the creature toppled forward, burying Pippin and many others beneath him.  
  
"PIPPIN!!!!!!" She screamed, as she watched him be crushed. Tears streamed down her face while she ran as quick as could (which wasn't very fast at all due to the fighting all around her) to get over to him. She slashed at Orcs to clear a path, and lost her helm along the way. But, she no longer cared who knew she was there, Pippin might have been dead.  
  
Legolas snapped his head round at the sound of the scream. 'That was definitely a real scream.' He thought. Every night he'd dreamt of her, and often imagined he heard her voice, but this time it was very real.  
  
"Michelle?" He saw, what appeared to be, a fairly young boy running across the battlefield. He lost his helm, and then Legolas realised it wasn't a boy but a young girl. She was dressed as a rider. 'Oh my God! I thought she was in Minas Tirth!' He started in the direction she was running.  
  
Michelle eventually reached the fallen hill-troll, but realised she was nowhere near strong enough to move it and rescue Pippin. Her hair kept falling into her face, as she tried to work out how this would work. 'Why do I never have a hair bobble when I need one?! No, Pippin, concentrate on Pippin.' Suddenly, the ground began to shake beneath her feet, and the last thing she remembered was falling, face down, onto the cold, hard earth. Everything went black. 


	42. Frodo's little predicament

1 A/N: It's nice to know you all care. Don't worry, one person isn't going to make me stop writing. That was my source of amusement and annoyance yesterday.  
  
2 Estriel Laureatinwe: Hope this will keep you going and get better soon.  
  
3 Tafi: Thanks for your support. Sorry I didn't use any of your ideas for Paul, but I'd already written the chapters. I had a look to see if they could be changed in any way but I failed. You should like chapter 47 though (even though I haven't finished chapter 45, I've written 46 and 47. Strange I know.)  
  
4 OK, I'll let you great people read now. Now remember, FLAMES WILL BE MOCKED!!!  
  
5 Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
6  
  
7 Chapter 42  
  
"Well done, Sam." Said Mary-Jo, sarcastically. "Why didn't you just got the whole way and get some people to announce our arrival?!"  
  
"It's not my fault!" cried Sam, defensively. "I didn't know that would happen!" They waited to be attacked by an army of Orcs any minute, but nothing happened. They walked into the courtyard and found it was strewn with bodies.  
  
"Eeewwwwww!!!" said Mary-Jo. "There's blood everywhere!"  
  
"You don't say." Replied Sam. "I'd never have guessed." Across the court, a great door at the foot of the Tower stood half-open, and a red light came through; a large Orc lay dead upon the threshold. They scrambled over the bodies and went in.  
  
"Didn't those Orcs say something about him being in the highest chamber?" said Mary-Jo. "I don't really remember much before I was knocked out."  
  
"It's your own fault." Said Sam. "It'll teach you not to throw yourself at great, stone doors again, won't it?"  
  
"Shut up and tell me if I'm right."  
  
"Unfortunately, you are right. And if we think logically, it should be at the back."  
  
"Well, let's go then." She said, before walking off in the direction Sam had indicated. They walked down the passage. When they reached the back of the Tower, they saw some stairs. Suddenly they heard a bone-chilling scream and the sound of footsteps coming towards them. An Orc came galloping down the stairs, but it didn't see them until it was about six paces away from them. 'Well, we're done for now. At least we tried to save Frodo.' Mary-Jo thought. 'I'm sorry, Mr. Frodo! I tried, honest I did!' thought Sam. But when the Orc lifted its head he didn't see a petrified hobbit and shivering human, struggling to hold up a sword. He saw two great silent shapes, one wielding a sword, the other clutching at some other weapon underneath it's cloak of shadow. It gave a yell, then thundered back up the steps. Mary-Jo and Sam looked at each other.  
  
"Frodo!" they cried, then followed the Orc up the stairs. But the Orc was quick and they were not. Soon, not a whisper was heard, all was silent.  
  
Up and up they went. There was no light, except for a torch on the wall every now and then. Eventually, they reached the third and highest tier of the Tower. They found two Orcs arguing. The one who they had met on the stairs was refusing to go back down the stairs to meet them again.  
  
"Is he talking about us?" whispered Mary-Jo.  
  
"No, he's talking about Frodo." He answered then he tutted and focused back on the argument.  
  
"But, they've got Frodo." She said. Then she understood. "Oh, I get you. Shut up! I was only asking!" One of the Orcs was chasing the other, The victim, if such a word can be used on an Orc, ran through the turret-door. Shagrat, the other Orc, fought with one that wasn't quite dead yet. When he had finished, he started towards Mary-Jo and Sam. He hadn't seen them, but soon would if they stayed where they were. Mary-Jo didn't think about what she was doing at all. She leapt out in front of Shagrat. Sam followed her lead, even though he was weapon-less. Shagrat couldn't hold onto the bundle in his hand and fight at the same time, so he shoved it Mary-Jo's face, knocking her out of the way, and ran down the stairs. Sam began to go after him, but soon stopped when he remembered Frodo, and the other Orc had gone back into the turret.  
  
They went through the turret-door, and began to climb more stairs but, after quite a while, they came to a dead end.  
  
"After all that, you're telling me we've come the wrong way?!" said Mary- Jo angrily. "We've just climbed all those steps for nothing?!" Sam sat down on a step and put his head in his hands in despair. Mary-Jo sat down next to him, feeling bad for shouting. 'It's not his fault. It's not like he's ever been here before.' Then, to her surprise, Sam began to sing. It started off weak and feeble but ended up loud and strong. He began again, but then stopped abruptly.  
  
"Did you hear that?" he whispered. He could have sworn he heard an answer. He listened again, nothing. Wait, there was something, but not a voice. It was the sound of footsteps approaching. Then, a voice.  
  
"Ho la! You up there, you dunghill rat! Stop your squeaking, or I'll come and deal with you. D'you hear?" it said. It received no reply. "All right," the voice growled. "But I'll come and have a look at you all the same, and see what you're up to." Sam and Mary-Jo peered over the passage- threshold and saw the dim shape of an Orc with a ladder. Suddenly the answer dawned on Sam: the top-most chamber was reached by a trapdoor in the roof of the passage. The Orc thrust ladder upwards and scurried up it. The heard the Orc's voice again and then the crack of a whip.  
  
Anger blazed in Sam's heart. He snatched Sting out of Mary-Jo's hand and sprang up the ladder. When Sam was in the chamber, he charged at the Orc. He slashed off the hand holding the whip and it cried out in pain. It wheeled round and ran head-down at Sam, but Sam got out of the way just in time, and the Orc fell with a thud through the opening in the floor. Sam gave no more though to it. He ran to the figure huddled on the floor. It was Frodo.  
  
He was naked, lying as if in a swoon, on a heap of filthy rags: his arm was flung up, shielding his head and, across his side there, was an ugly whip-weal.  
  
"Frodo! Mr. Frodo, my dear!" cried Sam, tears almost blinding him. "It's Sam!" He half lifted his master and hugged him. Frodo opened his eyes.  
  
"Am I still dreaming?" he muttered. "But the other dreams were horrible."  
  
"You're not dreaming at all, Master," said Sam. "It's real. It's me." Then, Mary-Jo popped her head through the opening. She saw Frodo and Sam embraced, and jealousy, as well as love, filled her heart.  
  
"Frodo!" she cried and ran over to them. Much to his disliking, she threw Sam out of the way and hugged Frodo. She was so happy that at first she didn't even notice he was naked.  
  
"I think you can let go of him now, Mary-Jo." Said Sam bitterly. "The poor lad needs to breathe."  
  
"Oh, yeah, sorry Frodo." She reluctantly let go of him.  
  
"It's alright. It's nice to know you care." Sam was furious that Frodo wasn't paying attention to him. 'It was me that found him.'  
  
"Now what's to be done? You can't go walking in the Black Land in naught but your skin, Mr. Frodo."  
  
"He can if he wants." Said Mary-Jo, quite enjoying Frodo's little predicament. (A/N: That's possibly not the best way to word it, is it?)  
  
"They've taken everything, Sam." Said Frodo. "Everything I had. Do you understand? Everything!"  
  
"Not everything!" said Mary-Jo. "Sam's got it. We took it, because we thought you were dead and we were going to carry on, but then some Orcs found you and we decided to go after you instead. So, yep, its safe, don't worry." Frodo and Sam looked at each other. "Doesn't matter." She muttered.  
  
"Hadn't we better get Frodo dressed?" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Yes. Come with me Mary-Jo, we'll go and get him some clothes."  
  
"No." said Mary-Jo, quickly. "I should stay here and… keep… him… warm, yeah, that's it, warm." Sam was horrified by the thought of how she might go about that. 'Probably best not to think about it, Sam.'  
  
"Mr. Frodo?" He so desperately wanted Frodo to send her with him.  
  
"Let her stay. She can keep me company. She can fill me in on all the details." 'That's what I'm afraid of.' Sam thought.  
  
"Very well. Now then, when I'm gone, I want you to draw up the ladder and don't let it down until you hear me call the password. Elbereth I'll call. What the Elves say. No orc would say that.  
  
So Sam scouted around and found some things that would fit Frodo. He slowly dragged the heavy bundle back towards the chamber. He called the password up to the room, but no answer came for a while.  
  
"Elbereth!" he cried for the sixth time. 'Why are they taking so long? What are they doing?' Suddenly he realised what he had just said. 'NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!' he cried in his head. Finally, Mary-Jo opened the trapdoor and let down the ladder.  
  
"Sorry, Sam." Said Frodo, whilst trying to smother his laughs. "We couldn't hear you." Sam looked at Mary-Jo. Her top was the wrong way around.  
  
"Why is your top the wrong way around?!" he cried. 'Please God, no!' She looked down then quickly turned it back around again.  
  
"No, it's not!"  
  
"Yes, it was, I just watched you turn it around!"  
  
"No you didn't!"  
  
"Yes, I did!"  
  
"You must be seeing things! Frodo, was my top backwards?"  
  
"Nope." Said Frodo.  
  
"Thank you." Sam gave up. It was too much for his fragile little mind to take. 


	43. The greatest of all evils

A/N: OK, I'm only doing this to Keep Guardian of Tears happy. These were her ideas, and they sounded great, until I realised what a bugger they are to write! After this chapter I'll probably jump to Minas Tirith after the ring is destroyed, unless you want me to carry on. I have A LOT of ideas for MT.  
  
Anyway, I hope you like. GoT, no flames for the crappiness of the written version of your ideas!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXx  
  
1 Chapter 43  
  
At last they started. Down the ladder they climbed, and then Sam took it and laid it in the passage beside the huddled body of the fallen orc. They all picked up a shield to add to their disguises as they went. They made their way down the stairs and out of the inner door. They crossed the bloodied courtyard and reached the outer door. Every step they took towards the gate was painful and tiring. Frodo wasn't fit for such a trial.  
  
"I can't go on," he murmured. "I'm going to faint. I don't know what's come over me." He sank to the floor. With a sudden burst of energy that she never knew she had in her, Mary-Jo ran to his side and picked him up.  
  
"Well, we can't be having that now! How about I carry you for a bit?"  
  
"Yes please! I mean, only if you can manage, Mary-Jo."  
  
"Oh yes. Anything to help y-… I mean, to help destroy It. We can't have you failing now, can we?"  
  
"Well, I got through-" said Sam  
  
"We." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"-I got through and I'm going to-"  
  
"We." She said, again.  
  
"-I'm going to get out. It can't be more dangerous than before. Now for it!" Sam drew out the phial given to Frodo by the Lady Galadriel. He held it up and its bright light reached every corner of the courtyard.  
  
"Gilthoniel, A Elbereth!" cried Sam, for what reason he did not know, but his mind suddenly went back to the Elves in the Shire, and the song that drove away the Black Rider in the trees.  
  
"Aiya elenion ancalima!" cried Mary-Jo. "Hey, where'd I learn that?! Oh well, I can speak Elvish! Cool!" The will of the Watchers was broken with a suddenness like the snapping of a cord, and Sam and Mary-Jo, with Frodo still in her arms, stumbled forward and ran. They only just about made it. A bell clanged; and from the Watchers there went up a high and dreadful wail, Far up above dropping like a bolt a winged shape, rending the clouds with a ghastly shriek.  
  
Sam had just about enough sense to thrust the phial back under his cloak Mary-Jo had to put Frodo down, much to her disappointment, as it was impossible to carry him and run at the same time.  
  
"Run, Mr. Frodo!" cried Sam. "No, not that way! It's a sheer drop over the wall! Follow me!" They ran down the road, from the gate. In fifty paces, with a swift bend round a jutting bastion of the cliff, it took them out of sight. They had escaped, for the moment.  
  
"Well done again, Master Gamgee!" said Mary-Jo, whilst trying to regain her breath. "You won't be happy until you've succeeded in getting us caught and killed, will you?!" she looked at Frodo. "This is the second time he's done this! In the same bloody place, as well. Whoever said 'Lightning never strikes twice in the same place' had obviously never been witness to a storm." They stumbled on, in terror. There had been no answer to the Nazgûl's horrific cry, but they knew the silence wouldn't last long. At any moment the hunt would begin. They wouldn't stay unnoticed for long.  
  
"So how do you plan on getting us out of this one, Sam." Said Mary-Jo. "If you're so full of ideas and excuses, how do you not get caught?"  
  
"You're asking me?" said Frodo.  
  
"Now I was asking Sam, love." She replied. "Oh crap, did I just call you love?"  
  
"Yes." Said Sam and Frodo together, Sam with ever so slightly more resentment in his voice. Frodo actually rather liked it.  
  
"Anyway," said Sam, trying to change the subject. "We have to get off this road. The problem is, how?"  
  
"We can't." said Mary-Jo. "Not without wings."  
  
With a desperate spurt, Frodo, Mary-Jo and Sam dashed along the bridge that was just in font of them; but they had hardly reached its further end when they heard the hue and cry begin. Away behind them, now high above on the mountain side loomed the Tower of Cirith Ungol, its stones glowing dully Suddenly its harsh bell clanged again, and then broke into a shattering peal. Horns sounded. And now from the beyond the bridge end came answering cries. Down in the dark trough, cut off from the dying glare of Oroduin, Frodo, Sam and Mary-Jo could not see ahead, but already they heard the tramp of iron-shod feet, and upon the road there ran the swift clatter of hoofs.  
  
"Quick! Over we go!" cried Frodo. They scrambled on to the low parapet of the bridge. Fortunately, there was no longer a dreadful drop into the gulf, for the slopes of the Morgai had already risen almost to the level of the road; but it was too dark for them to guess the depth of the fall.  
  
"Well, here goes, Mr. Frodo," said Sam. "Good bye!" He let go. Frodo followed, and then Mary-Jo. And even as they fall they heard the rush of horsemen sweeping over the bridge and the rattle of orc-feet running up behind.  
  
They landed on a tangle of thorny bushes. When the sound of hoofs and feet had passed, Sam ventured to whisper.  
  
"Well, bless me, Mr. Frodo, but I didn't know as anything grew in Mordor! But if I had a'known, this would have been what I'd have looked for."  
  
"Why do you never speak to me? I get the distinct impression you don't like me." Moaned Mary-Jo.  
  
"Well, that could be because I don't." replied Sam, but Mary-Jo didn't hear his answer. Her attention had been drawn to something on their left.  
  
"What in the world…?" Frodo and Sam looked and couldn't believe their eyes. Frodo stared and Sam rubbed his eyes, convinced he was imagining. 'Why?' was the only word going through each of their minds.  
  
"Am I dreaming?" muttered Frodo.  
  
"No." whispered Sam. Standing right in front of them was: a Gift Shop. They stood up, pulled out the foot-long thorns that were sticking in them, and walked, slowly, towards the Gift Shop.  
  
They entered the shop cautiously. They weren't sure what horrors were awaiting them, and they could be caught at any moment, but curiosity was getting the better of them all. They looked about them. The shop was fully stocked with everything. The Eye of Sauron stress-busters, Orc teddies, Mount Doom snow globes, Saruman voodoo dolls (for all you dedicated Sauron followers) Sauron action figures, Ringwraith and Orc fancy-dress costumes, 'I went to the Crack of Doom and all I got was this crummy T-shirt' T- shirt, orc-face mugs and stationary. But the greatest of all evils was yet to come. Not until the very last moment did Frodo notice… Teletubbies.  
  
"Oh God, no!" squealed Mary-Jo, "No, no! Anything but that! Please no!"  
  
"I don't think I'll ever sleep peacefully again!" Sam whimpered, whilst shaking violently. Frodo was speechless. The horror was too much for him to utter any words.  
  
They left shop feeling much worse than they had when they went in, and considerably poorer. Mary-Jo insisted on buying an Eye of Sauron stress- buster and a Saruman voodoo doll (why? she wasn't sure, but she knew she'd think of a reason some time or another).  
  
After they had let it sink in that they had just been in a gift shop in Mordor, Frodo led the way, northward as near as he could guess among the stones and boulders lying thick at the bottom of the great ravine.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: And you thought Sauron was bad! I tell you this much, I would choose Sauron over the Teletubbies any day!  
  
Isn't Sam just one of the horriblest people you've ever met? Well, in this anyway. To all Sam fans out there: yes, he is very OOC but I suggest you get over it, because I like jealous Sam! Hehehe!  
  
Anyway, I'll let you all get on with your interesting little lives now. I'll just sit at my computer and carry on writing for you people, as I do everyday! I'm very sad, I know! Bye  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	44. She could get away with bloody murder!

1 A/N: Sorry, this is another very narrative chapter. I'm just trying to get t the end of this quickly so we can get back to Michelle. Have all the girls reunited or something, I don't know. Anyway, I'll let you read now.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 44  
  
It was the morning of the 15th March, and over the Vale of Anduin the sun was rising above the eastern shadow, and the Southwest wind was blowing. Théoden lay dying on the Pelennor fields. After sharing a wafer of Lembas, Frodo, Mary-Jo and Sam plodded on. They light, though very little, was now enough for them to see that they were deep in the valley between the mountains. Beyond the stony course on he dried up river, they saw a beaten path that wound its way under the feet of the westward cliffs. It was used by patrols or by messengers going swiftly to the lesser posts and strong holds north-way, between Cirith Ungol and the narrows of Isenmouthe, the iron jaws of Carach Angren. It was perilous for them to use the path but they needed speed and Frodo felt he could not face the toil of scrambling among the boulders or in the trackless glens of the Morgai. Also, the Enemy would guess any other route, and they would be caught.  
  
They trudged on for hours, growing more and more watchful as they went. The light grew no stronger as they climbed. Mary-Jo's eyes were drooping, Sam was thoroughly exhausted and Frodo's burden grew heavier with every step he took. They were about to give in, when they head the unmistakable sound of water. They ran towards the sound.  
  
"If ever I see the Lady again, I will tell her!" cried Sam as he ran, forgetting all danger. "First light and now water!" He stopped by the water. "Let Mary-Jo go first Mr. Frodo." Mary-Jo gave him a very odd look. 'Why is he being nice?' she thought. 'He doesn't even like me.'  
  
"I think there's room enough for all of us, Sam." Replied Frodo.  
  
"No, I mean if it's poisonous, or something that shows its badness quickly, well, it won't matter if Mary-Jo dies, will it?"  
  
"OI! You take that back!" she said. 'I should have known better than to think he was being nice. He doesn't even know what the word means, does he?'  
  
"I think we'll trust our luck together." Said Frodo, who also didn't appreciate the comment. After a long drink and a refill of their water bottles, they continued. Frodo felt much easier, and they went several miles, until the broadening of the road and the beginnings of a rough wall along its edge warned them that they were drawing near another orc-hold. That had to turn east, and Frodo had just about enough energy to travel a little further and find a place to rest.  
  
At last, Frodo could go no further. They had climbed up a narrow shelving ravine, but they still had a long way to go before they could even come in sight of the last craggy ridge.  
  
"Now you go to sleep first, Mr. Frodo." Said Sam, as they crawled behind a curtain of brambles. They had looked everywhere for a cave, an overhang, anything, but there was nothing. "Mary-Jo can take the first watch."  
  
"Why me?" yawned Mary-Jo. "I am way more tired than you, Sam. You should go first."  
  
"Stop arguing, and one of you go to sleep!" said Frodo, trying to fall asleep, but finding it very hard with their bickering right down his ear. Mary-Jo threw herself on the fall, and fell asleep instantly. Sam was left to watch but didn't do it very successfully. His eyes kept shutting, so he got up and walked around. When he got back, he gave up, lay down and went to sleep.  
  
The hobbits woke hand in hand. Sam was almost fresh; ready for another day, but Frodo sighed. His sleep had been uneasy, and he hadn't had much rest. Still, his sleep had not been without healing virtue; he was stronger now, more able to bear his burden one stage further. They didn't know how long they had slept, but after a morsel of food, they continued their journey. They went up the ravine, until it ended in a sharp slope of screes and sliding stones. There, the last living things gave up their struggle; the tops of the Morgai were grassless, bare, jagged, barren as a slate.  
  
"Oh, the joy." Said Mary-Jo. "More hours of pointless wandering, just to find a safe way up some bloody slopes."  
  
"Shut up and look." Said Sam. They eventually found a way up. They travelled for quite a while, and then they stumbled across two orcs. They were almost caught, so they decided to wait for cover of darkness before they would set out again.  
  
It was difficult and dangerous, moving in the night in the pathless land; but slowly, and with much stumbling, they toiled on hour by hour northward along the eastern edge of the stony valley. When a grey light crept back over the western heights, long after day had opened in the lands beyond; they went into hiding again and slept a little, turn by turn.  
  
As the afternoon grew late, they made ready to start another march and Mary-Jo asked a burning question.  
  
"Does either of you have any clear notion how much longer this stupid thing is going to last? I'm getting tired of seeing the same crappy wasteland everyday. Also, I am in much need of a shower, a decent sleep in a proper bed and good long gossip with Michelle and the girls, provided they're still alive, that is." In saying that, it sunk in. If she herself came out of her own little disaster alive, what's saying she would have anything or anyone to return to? This depressed her a lot.  
  
"No, not any clear notion." Said Frodo, trying to sound comforting. Well, as comforting as you can sound when you're giving somebody bad news. "In Rivendell, I was shown a map of Mordor that was made before the Enemy came back here; but I only remember it vaguely. I remember…"  
  
"Yes, alright, you can shut up now." She said. She didn't really care what he remembered and what he didn't. But she saw the look on his face and felt bad. "I'm sorry, Frodo, but I don't like long-winded answers to questions. I asked a simple question; therefore I want a simple answer. Please, don't take it personally. I meant no offence."  
  
"It's alright." He said. "We're all irritable at the moment." Sam was screaming to himself in his head. 'She could get away with bloody murder! Why does Mr. Frodo always except her so obviously false apologies?! If she is truly sorry, why does she keep doing it?!'  
  
It was not yet quite dark again. They plodded along, on into the night. The hours passed in a weary stumbling trudge with a few brief halts. At the first hint of grey light under the skirts of the canopy of shadow, they hid themselves again in a dark hollow under an overhanging stone. The light grew until it was clearer than it yet had been, and they could see for some miles. As they looked out, it seemed that their entire journey north had been useless. The plain to their right was dim and smoky and they could see there neither camps nor troops moving; but that entire region was under the vigilance of the forts of Carach Angren.  
  
"We've come to a dead end." Said Frodo, miserably. "We now either go back, or take the road coming down from that orc-tower."  
  
"Then, we must take the road, Mr. Frodo." Said Sam, assertively. "We must take it and chance our luck, if there is any luck in Mordor."  
  
"Sam is right, Frodo." Said Mary-Jo, much to Sam's surprise. 'That's the second time she's done that. It's getting scary now.' He thought. "What is the point in giving up when we've come all this way? Think of what Gandalf or Aragorn would tell you to do. Think of the talking to you'd get from Michelle if she found out you had given up." That settled it. He didn't want to suffer Michelle's wrath, even though he was fairly sure he wouldn't come out of this alive.  
  
"OK, OK, we'll carry on. That is a very scary thought."  
  
"But, you're not going anywhere before you've had some food and some sleep." Said Sam. He gave Frodo water and an additional wafer of waybread, and he made a pillow of his cloak for his master. Frodo was too weary to debate the matter, and Sam did not tell him he had drunk the last drop of their water, and eaten Sam's share of food as well as his own. 


	45. Ooh, a creeping thing!

1 A/N: This chapter is probably going to be quite long, as I want to be getting on with other things after this chapter. So sorry if it turns out to be an essay! Enjoy!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 45  
  
After doing some twelve miles, they halted. A short way back the road had bent a little northward and the stretch that they had passed over was now screened from sight. This proved disastrous. They rested for some minutes and then went on; but they had not taken many steps when suddenly they hard the sound that all along they had secretly dreaded; the noise of marching feet. It was still some way behind them, but looking back they could see the twinkle of torches coming around the bend less than a mile away, and they were moving fast: too fast for Frodo, Mary-Jo and Sam to escape by flight along the road ahead.  
  
"Holy crap!" said Mary-Jo. "What do we do?! What do we do?! WHAT DO WE DO?!"  
  
"I feared it." Said Frodo, ignoring Mary-Jo's tantrum. "We've trusted to luck, and it has failed us. We're trapped." When they calmed Mary-Jo down, they sat beneath the shadow of the cliff and waited. They did not have to wait long. The orcs were going at a great pace. Those in the foremost lines bore torches. On they came, red flames in the dark, swiftly growing. The travellers bowed their heads and hid their legs behind their shields. The long line was gradually passing. The torches were now some way ahead and Sam thought they might get away with it, when they were spotted. One of the slave drivers spied the three figures by the roadside. He cracked his whip at them, and ordered them to stand. They struggled to their feet, and keeping bent, like footsore soldiers, they shuffled towards the back of the line. But the slave driver ordered them to go further up.  
  
They had gone some miles, and the road was at last running down a long slope into the plain, when Frodo's strength began to give out and his will wavering. He lurched and stumbled. Sam and Mary-Jo, desperately, tried to help him and hold him up, though the both felt they would soon be in the same position. Just as they thought of giving in, there came an unexpected relief. A halt was called. There was confusion at the front. Many troops were now joining together to make their way to the Black Gate, to prepare the trap for the Captains of the West, but each troop wanted to lead, causing arguments to break out everywhere. In the chaos, Sam got a grasp on his senses, threw himself on the ground and dragged Frodo with him. Orcs fell over them, and cursed and snarled at them. The hobbits crawled away out of the turmoil into a shallow pit. Frodo looked at Sam.  
  
"We've left Mary-Jo!" he said, frantically.  
  
"Have we?" said Sam, trying look alarmed and non-suspicious. "Oh no. Oh I do hope she's all right. Wouldn't I kick myself if she died. Damn it, what a bummer. Oh well."  
  
"Sam, go and get her now!" said Frodo, sternly. "That was an evil thing to do! Its only because you're jealous! Now go!" Sam tried to think of something to say back, but couldn't.  
  
"Ooh!" he said, with a stamp of his foot. He slowly walked back into the confusion. He grabbed Mary-Jo and pulled her back to Frodo. Frodo stood up quickly when he saw her.  
  
"Mary-Jo! Are you all right?!" he ran over to her.  
  
"I'm fine." She said. "But, forget about me…"  
  
"Gladly." Said Sam with a sarcastic grin.  
  
"Shut up. Forget about me, you must get some rest." They lay down and fell asleep.  
  
When they awoke, they started once more. They crawled from hollow to hollow, flitting behind such cover as they could find, but moving always in a slant towards the foothills of the northern range. But, as they went the most easterly roads followed them, until it ran off, hugging the skirts of the mountains. They went a few weary miles, but that was all. Frodo seemed nearly spent. Sam saw that he couldn't go much further in this fashion, crawling, stooping, now picking up a doubtful way very slowly, now hurrying at a stumbling run.  
  
"I'm going back to the road whilst the light lasts, Mr. Frodo." He said. "It will probably cost us our lives, as it did last time, but not quite. Steady pace for a few more miles, then we'll rest."  
  
"You do realise how stupid that is, don't you?" said Mary-Jo. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, you won't rest until we, especially me, have been caught and killed, will you?" But, despite Mary-Jo's protests, they went by the road.  
  
The days passed slowly and painfully. They met no enemies by day. At times by night, as they cowered or drowsed uneasily in some hiding place beside the road, they heard cries and the noise of many feet or the swift passing of some cruelly ridden steed. But far worse was the ever- approaching threat that beat upon them as they went: the dreadful menace of the Power that waited, brooding in deep thought and sleepless malice behind the dark veil about it's Throne. Nearer and nearer it drew, looming blacker, like the oncoming of a wall of night at the last end of the world.  
  
Sam roused Frodo. He was going to leave Mary-Jo behind, but he was made to wake her up by Frodo. When she was up, they made the decision to be rid of any unnecessary baggage.  
  
"No, no, no and more no!" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"You've got to get rid of something." Said Sam.  
  
"No. Do you not understand? I am not getting rid of my make-up." she stated defiantly. "I'll throw away my bed-roll if I have to, but the make- up stays." Sam turned around to Frodo.  
  
"See, this is why I left Michelle and Tracey. I didn't think I'd have to suffer another one if I came with you."  
  
"Well, you are here and you do. So, Mary-Jo throw something away and Sam shut up." Said Frodo, who was getting sick and tired of their constant fighting.  
  
When Mary-Jo finally threw away her least favourite colour of nail varnish and her lip-gloss, they turned to face the Mountain. Thinking no more of concealment, bending their weariness and failing wills only to the one task of going on, they set out. That day, it seemed to Sam that his master found some new strength, more than could be explained by the small lightening of the load that he had to carry. In the first marches, they went further and faster than he had hoped. The land was rough and hostile, and yet they made much progress, and ever the Mountain drew nearer.  
  
At their last halt, Frodo sank down. The burst of energy had had was now failing and finally he gave up.  
  
"I'm thirsty, Sam." He said. After that, he did not speak again. Mary-Jo watched Frodo with worry. He had done well today, but he was fading. Soon he would be fit for nothing. She had to say something.  
  
"Sam, come here a minute." She said. He reluctantly walked over to her. He didn't really want to know anything she had to say. "It's about Frodo. He won't go on another day like this, however much we push him. And we can't go on much longer giving him all the food and water. We may not need it as much as him, but we do still need it."  
  
"I can go on a good way though." He replied.  
  
"Where to? And don't say the Mountain because I know that. I mean, do you know how to get there? Do you know what to do when we get there? He won't be able to do anything for himself." Sam didn't have an answer to this. It was true he would do anything for Frodo. He would take the Ring that minute if Frodo would let him. He would carry him the rest of the way, but he needed to know where he was going in order to do that. At that moment, they felt a tremor in the ground beneath them and heard a deep rumble under the earth. There was a brief red flame that flickered under the clouds and died away. The Mountain too slept uneasily.  
  
The following day, Mary-Jo was the first to awaken and she roused the two hobbits. She looked at them. Sam had an arm around his master and his other hand was holding Frodo's. She didn't want to wake them as they looked so peaceful and calm, but she knew it had to be done. She bent over Sam.  
  
"Wake up, you lazy little tramp!" she yelled down his ear. The hobbits woke with a start.  
  
"What the hell was that for?!?!?!" cried Sam, whilst nursing his deafened ear.  
  
"Pay back." She replied, innocently.  
  
"For what?!"  
  
"The amount of times you've insulted me, left me behind, wanted to leave me behind, yelled at me… do I need to go on?" She counted them on her fingers as she went. She looked at Frodo, who had been scared rather a lot by her alarm call. "Sorry Frodo. That wasn't intended for you. I didn't want to wake you up, but I so desperately wanted to do that."  
  
"It's OK." He said, timidly.  
  
"Come on, you two." She said. "I know we've not got much hope, but we might as well make a start." Frodo didn't have the strength to use his own legs so Sam carried him. They struggled up the Mountain. Every step was a greater challenge but they gradually made their way up the slopes. They looked back on how for their last effort had brought them, and they were amazed. They were already halfway up the base of the Mountain, and the plain of Gorgoroth was dim below them, wrapped in fume and shadow. As Sam looked up, he would have given a shout, if his parched throat had allowed him; for, amid the rugged humps and shoulders above him, he saw plainly a path or road. It climbed like a rising girdle from the west and wound snakelike about the Mountain until, before it went round out of view, it reached the foot of the cone upon its eastern side. Sam could not see the course immediately above him, where it was lowest, for a steep slope went up from where he stood; but he guessed that if he could only struggle on just a little way further up, they would strike this path.  
  
They couldn't go any further just, as Sam was finding it very difficult to carry Frodo with, what felt like, a broken back. They sat, silent, for a while but as the light grew, they all felt a sudden urgency to press on. Sam went to pick up Frodo, but he seemed to have found some new strength.  
  
"I'll crawl, Sam." So, foot by foot, like small grey insects, they crept up the slope. They came to the path and found that it was broad, paved with broken rubble and beaten ash. They clambered onto the roadside, and paused for a moment. Frodo turned slowly to face the East, and caught a glimpse of the topmost tower of Barad Dûr. He also saw the great Eye, and although the Eye was not turned to face them, but at the Captains of the West who were stood at bay; Frodo fell, as if smote by some terrible weapon. His hand sought the chain about his neck. Sam and Mary-Jo knelt by him. Faint, almost inaudibly, the heard Frodo whisper:  
  
"Help me. Help me. Hold my hand. I can't stop it." Sam reached for his hand, but Mary-Jo got there first. She grabbed both his hands.  
  
"Look at me, Frodo Baggins. You will NOT give in now. I have had to go for weeks without a shower and I've had to put up with Sam's comments. You are not giving up now and telling me this was a waste of time. You rest for a moment, but then we WILL continue." Frodo nodded his head in agreement. When he was ready, Sam picked up Frodo again and they set off climbing the road. It was a struggle, as the road was not as easy as it had first looked. It bent sharply at one point, and even as the turned the corner, Sam caught a glimpse of something, in the corner of his eye, falling from the crag. Suddenly, he and Mary-Jo were struck to the ground, and they heard a hated voice.  
  
"Wicked masster!" it hissed. "Wicked masster cheats us; cheats Sméagol, gollum. He mussn't go that way. He mussn't hurt Preciouss. Give it to Sméagol, yess, give it to us! Give it to uss!" Mary-Jo leapt to her feet at the sight of Gollum attacking Frodo.  
  
"GET OFF HIM!!!" she yelled, as she punched him hard. But that was all she needed to do, as something roused a new energy in Frodo: an attack, an attempt to wrest his treasure from him by force. He fought back with a sudden fury that amazed the two onlookers. A wild light flamed in his eyes and he towered above Gollum.  
  
"Down, down!" he gasped, clutching his hand to the Ring. "Down, you creeping thing, and out of my path."  
  
"Ooh." Said Gollum, sarcastically. "We are scared, aren't we preciouss, we are. A creeping thing, preciouss, says masster, a creeping thing. Ooh, we are deeply cut."  
  
"Shut up, and let me finish. Now, where was I? Down, down. Down, you creeping thing, and out of my path. Oh yes, here we are." Frodo became big and scary again. "Your time is at an end. You cannot betray me or slay me now. Be gone and trouble me no more! If you ever touch me again, you shall be cast yourself into the Fire of Doom." Gollum backed away, terror in his blinking eyes, and yet at the same time, insatiable desire. Sam saw the way Gollum was positioned on the floor and realised Frodo was at a great risk.  
  
"Look out!" he cried. "He'll spring." He stepped forward, brandishing his sword. "Quick, master! Go on! Go on! No time to lose. We'll deal with him. Go on!" Frodo looked at him as if at one now far away.  
  
"Farewell Sam! Farewell Mary-Jo! This is the end at last. On Mount Doom, doom shall fall. Farewell!" He turned and went on, walking slowly but erect up the climbing path.  
  
"Right then." Said Mary-Jo. "What was you were saying about women being weak, the last time we met, Gollum? I do believe I have to prove you wrong on that one." She kicked him and he whimpered. Sam stepped up with drawn blade ready for battle. But Gollum did not attack. He remained flat on the ground and moaned.  
  
"Don't kill us," he wept. "Don't hurt us with nassty cruel steel! Let us live, yes, live just a little longer. Lost, lost! We're lost. And when the Precious goes we'll die, yes die into dust." He clawed up the ashes on the path with his long fleshless fingers. "Dusst!" he hissed. Sam's hand wavered. His mind was hot wit wrath and the memory of evil. It would be just to slay this treacherous, murderous creature, just and many times deserved; and also it seemed the only safe thing to do. But deep in his heart there was something that restrained him. Mary-Jo glared at Sam.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Kill him!" But Sam could not. He himself, if only for a short time, had borne the ring, and so could dimly guess what agony he was going through. But he had no words to express how he felt.  
  
"Oh, curse you, you stinking thing! Go away! Be off! I don't trust you, not as far as I could kick you; but be off. Or I shall hurt you, yes, with nasty cruel steel." Gollum got up onto all fours and backed away for several paces and then he turned, as Mary-Jo aimed a kick at him he fled away down the path. Sam gave no more heed to him but suddenly remembered his master. He ran as fast as he could up the road. Mary-Jo followed him. If they had looked back, they might have seen not far below Gollum turn again and then a wild light of madness glaring in his eyes come, swiftly but warily, creeping on behind, a slinking shadow among the stones.  
  
They came to the gaping mouth of the cone in the Mountain's side, the door of Sammath Naur. It was dark and hot and a deep rumbling shook the air. They called but there was no answer. For a moment they stood, their hearts beating with wild fears, and then they plunged in. A shadow followed them. Mary-Jo took out the phial of Galadriel, but it was cold and pale in her trembling hand and threw no light into the stifling dark. They could just about make out that they were in a long tunnel or cave. They made their way down it. A light sprang up and there on the brink of the chasm, at the very Crack of Doom, stood Frodo, black against the glare, tense, erect, but still as if he had been turned to stone.  
  
"Master!" cried Sam.  
  
"Frodo!" cried Mary-Jo. Then Frodo stirred and spoke in a clear voice, more powerful than Sam had ever him use, that rose above the throb and turmoil of Mount Doom, ringing in the roof and walls.  
  
"I have come," he said, "But I do not now choose to do what I came to do. I will not do this deed. The Ring is mine!" And suddenly, as he set the Ring upon his finger, he vanished from their sight. Sam gasped but he had no chance to cry out for at that moment many things happened: Gollum knocked out Sam, Frodo caused the world to come to a stand still and Mary- Jo didn't know whether to help Sam or chase Gollum. She decided to stay with Sam, as she probably wouldn't be able to catch up with Gollum now.  
  
Sam got up. He was dazed and blood streaming from his head dripped into his eyes, but that didn't stop him from seeing Mary-Jo fretting over him.  
  
"Oh Sam, are you all right?!?!?!" she cried.  
  
"I'm fine." He said, moodily. This now meant he owed her a favour because she HADN'T gone to help Frodo. 'Its all just so logical.' He groped forward (he refused to let Mary-Jo help him) and then he saw a strange and terrible thing. Gollum was fighting with an unseen foe. To and fro he swayed, now so near the brink that almost he tumbled in, now dragging back, falling to the ground, rising and falling again. And all the while he hissed but spoke no words.  
  
The fires awoke in anger, the red light blazed, and all the cavern was filled with a great glare and heat. Suddenly, Mary-Jo and Sam saw Gollum's long hands draw upwards to his mouth; his white fangs gleamed and them snapped as they bit. Frodo gave a cry and there he was, fallen upon his knees at the chasm's edge. But Gollum, dancing like a mad thing, held aloft the Ring, a finger still thrust within its circle. It shone now as if verily it was wrought of living fire.  
  
"Precious, precious, precious!" he cried, and they were his last words. Mary-Jo watched him bite off the finger, saw Frodo in a little huddle on the floor and saw a victorious Gollum. She was filled with anger and charged at him.  
  
"YOU BASTARD!" she screamed, even louder than Frodo had spoken. "HOW DARE YOU BITE OFF POOR FRODO'S FINGER!!!!!!" And with that, she pushed Gollum over the brink and into the fire.  
  
Exhausted by that final effort, Mary-Jo collapsed next to Frodo and Sam joined them. All around them, Mordor was falling to ruin: Towers fell, mountains slid, walls crumbled and melted and vast spires of smoke and spouting steams went billowing up. And then, at last, over the miles between, there came a rumble, rising to a deafening crash and roar; the earth shook, the plain heaved and cracked and Oroduin reeled.  
  
"Well, this is the end, my dear friends." Came a voice by Mary-Jo's side. And there was Frodo, pale and worn, and yet himself again; and in his eyes there was peace now, neither strain of will, nor madness, nor any fear.  
  
"Master!" cried Sam, and he fell upon his knees. In all hat ruin of the world, for he moment, he felt only joy, great joy. The burden was gone and his master was saved.  
  
"Frodo!" said Mary-Jo, with such a light-heart as she had not felt for months. Frodo looked at his friends.  
  
"I am glad that you to are here with me." He said. "Here at the end of all things."  
  
"Yes, we are with you." Said Mary-Jo. "And you are with us. And the journey's finished."  
  
"But after coming all that way I don't want to give up yet." said Sam. "It's not like me somehow, if you get me, Mr. Frodo."  
  
"Maybe not, Sam." Said Frodo; "but its like things are in the world. Hopes fail. An end comes. We have only a little time to wait now. We are lost in ruin and downfall, and there's no escape."  
  
"Well, Master, we could at least go further down from this dangerous place here, from this Crack of Doom, if that's its name. Now couldn't we? Come Mr. Frodo, let's go down the path at any rate."  
  
"Very well, Sam. If you wish to go, I'll come." Said Frodo; and they rose and went slowly down the winding road. And even as they passed towards the Mountain's quaking feet, a great smoke and steam belched from the Sammath Naur, the side of the cone was riven open, and a huge fiery vomit rolled in slow thunderous cascade down the eastern mountainside.  
  
Frodo, Sam and Mary-Jo could go no further. Their last strength of mind and body was swiftly ebbing. They had reached a low ashen hill piled at the Mountain's foot; but from it there was no more escape. It was an island now, not long to endure, amid the torrent of Oroduin. Soon they would be engulfed. A rain of hot ash was falling. They sat down and waited upon their death.  
  
"Well, it's an honourable way to go, at least." Sam said, trying to make the best of the situation, but failing. "At least we can take comfort in knowing we have saved our loved ones from the torment of Sauron's ruling."  
  
"For you maybe." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"What do you mean?" said Sam.  
  
"Loved ones. You said 'at least we've saved them'. Well, you might, but I haven't." Frodo and Sam looked at her curiously. They didn't understand what she meant, "Ah, hell. I might as well tell you, being as I'm going to die." She turned to Frodo. "Frodo, I love you." Frodo was completely shocked.  
  
"You do?" he said. She nodded her head, meekly. "That's good. Because I love you too." Her eyes lit up in wonder.  
  
"Really?" She threw her arms around his neck and he hugged her tightly. Sam was mortified.  
  
"Well, if its revelation time: Mary-Jo I hate you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So, if we're going to die anyway, may I have the pleasure of killing you now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I want to spend time with Frodo before I die in the fires of Mount Doom."  
  
"OK." He was content because he knew she was going to die. And there they waited. But to their joy, Gandalf came to the rescue on the back of Gwahir and saved them.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: OK, I knew it would be long but this just takes the piss! 7¼ pages long! Whoa, I don't shut up, do I? 4,148 words. Why, the bloody hell, can I never write this much for coursework. Bloody RE one I just had was meant to be 1,200 words and I only did 750! Why must they torment me so?! (Don't know who 'they' are so don't ask) Oh well, fanfics are WAY more important. The gods obviously gave me (in Boromir's words) 'the gift of the gab' for the right subject, didn't they!!!  
  
Well, I think I'll post some other chapters for you now, to make up for your sore eyes. But, the that would make them more sore, so it wouldn't really compensate (ooh, a big word!) for the original infliction (ooh, another big word, I'd better stop that now, I'm scaring myself!) and you'll hate me! Oh well, I'll get over it.  
  
Yep, so, it's official: "Mary-Jo and Frodo, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N- G". Well, I'll stop making your eyes even sorer and let you read the next chapters. Bye! =)  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXxXxXxXxXx 


	46. Evil Legolas?

A/N: Estriel Laureatinwe: Here you go, 3 lovely chapters of Legolas and Michelle for you! Hope you like! Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
Chapter 46  
  
Michelle slowly opened her eyes. She looked at her surroundings, not sure where she was. The last thing she remembered was trying to help Pippin, but now she was back at home, in her own bed. Legolas was talking to Faramir in the corner of the room, and Tracey was sitting next to her, with her head in her hands. Michelle could only think of one thing to say.  
  
"Where's Pippin?" she said, whilst trying to sit up. Her head was throbbing, painfully, so she decided it was probably a better idea to stay lying down. Legolas and Faramir looked at her and ran to her side, and Tracey looked up.  
  
"Michelle! Thank God, you're awake!" Tracey said.  
  
"Where's Pippin?" she said, again. She hoped they weren't ignoring the question for any particular reason.  
  
"Pippin is fine." Said Legolas. She breathed a sigh of relief. She felt as if a weight had been taken off her shoulders. She hadn't actually saved him, but she was sure nobody would have noticed him if she hadn't been there.  
  
"You just concentrate on getting yourself better." Said Faramir. "That was a very stupid thing you did, Michelle. You could have been killed, but Tracey has told me your reasoning and I think it was very brave of you. Boromir may be gone, but he lives on, very strongly, inside you."  
  
"OK Dad, you're creeping me out now. Its not like you to be sentimental, but thank you anyway. Now, can I have some aspirin or something, because I've got a splitting headache."  
  
"I'm afraid not." Said Legolas. He took her hand. "You can't take any kind of drug because of the baby." Michelle suddenly remembered the baby. 'How could I have been so stupid?!' she thought. 'Endangering my baby's life like that!'  
  
"So, I haven't…" she didn't want to continue, but they all knew what she meant.  
  
"No, you haven't lost it." Said Tracey. "You can tell you're the mother. No other child could have survived what you just put it through." Michelle started to laugh.  
  
"Well, Tracey." Said Faramir. "Do you remember I said earlier I wanted to speak to you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes, you do. Earlier, that thing I wanted to tell you. You know. That thing."  
  
"Faramir, what have I told you about taking those drugs."  
  
"Oh, heaven's above. Tracey, go. Leave them to have a bit of time on their own. Hells bells! You really are thick, aren't you?"  
  
"Well, why didn't you say so?" she said, whilst getting up. "You should have just said instead of being all stupid, confusing me."  
  
"I was trying to be discreet. Any normal person would have understood what I meant! It's just you!" Faramir shut the door, but their arguing could be heard right until they left the actual building.  
  
"I've had to put up with that for days." Said Legolas, shaking his head in disbelief. He was amazed at how much two people can argue in such a short space of time.  
  
"I know how you feel." She replied. "They've always been like it. They do… hang on, did you say days?"  
  
"Yes, why?"  
  
"How long have I been unconscious, then?"  
  
"Too long. You blacked out at the moment Frodo destroyed It. Then, Gandalf got you back here as quick as possible. That was about 10 days ago. And yes, Frodo, Sam and Mary-Jo are all now safe and well. Becky and Clare are back too." Michelle was very happy to hear all this. All her friends were back and safe, she and the baby were fine, Legolas was unharmed and her Dad probably wasn't going to punish her for going to the battle.  
  
"I'm sorry for ignoring you Legolas." She said. He looked at her, not understanding what she meant. "You told me I wasn't to go with you, but I ignored your, Aragorn and my Dad's instructions."  
  
"None of that matters now." He said. He leant over and kissed her forehead. "All that matters is that you are back home, safe and sound. And did you know you were so popular?" It was Michelle's turn to be confused. "Loads and loads of people have wanted to come and see you, but Faramir told them to wait until you had woken up and started to get better." Michelle was shocked to hear this. As far as she was aware, she was very unpopular. Her stubbornness and argumentative tendencies were well known throughout the City, and most people stayed well away.  
  
"Like who?"  
  
"Well, there was the ones you would expect. Becky, Clare, Mary-Jo, Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry, Gimli, Aragorn, Gandalf…"  
  
"Gandalf?" that was very odd. She always got the impression that Gandalf didn't like her as much as Merry didn't; yet they had both wanted to see her.  
  
"Yep, everyone. Éowyn, Éomer, the lot. Everybody wanted to see you. Not all at the same time, obviously, that would be a bit too much to handle. There was one I didn't expect, though. Paul."  
  
"Paul? Paul came to see me, even though it's obvious you would be here, and the first and last time he met you, you knocked him out?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"He really is very stupid."  
  
"He did bring a big group of friends as his bodyguards, though. But they, also, wanted to see you. So, that sort of made think 'string of ex- boyfriends'. Am I right?"  
  
"You know me TOO well. That is actually very scary. How did you know?"  
  
"I'm an Elf. I know these things." Michelle wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, but she couldn't be bothered to think about right then.  
  
"But you didn't let them in."  
  
"Of course not. I'm not that evil." Michelle sat up. Her headache was easing quite a bit now, though she still wished she was allowed some kind of painkiller.  
  
"You're not evil at all. You're lovely. Even Tracey said so. In fact, she called you 'ever-lovely' and 'ever-charming'."  
  
"Wow. It must be true then. But you must rest now. You have journeyed long, and though you've been unconscious for a while, you haven't had any decent rest."  
  
"No, I wish to get up and walk around. I feel much better and very rested, actually. I have to get up at sometime, and I would prefer it if it was sooner rather than later." Legolas gave in, not wishing to displease her. She got up off the bed, and walked around the room, testing her legs. She was a bit uneasy at first, but she soon straightened out. She stretched and walked over to Legolas. She hugged him tightly then they walked out of the room hand in hand. 


	47. The shock of a lifetime!

1 Chapter 47  
  
"What the…?" said Mary-Jo, as she saw Michelle walking towards her. "Michelle, what is this?" she pointed at Michelle's (now rather large) bump.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Mary-Jo." She gave Mary-Jo a hug, and sat down. "I would have thought Tracey would have told you. She told the rest of the fellowship, why not tell my best mates?"  
  
"I haven't seen her. She refused to leave your side, she wanted to be there when you woke up." This touched Michelle. She knew Tracey cared, but she'd always had a problem showing her feelings. It was very out of character for Tracey.  
  
"Well, I'll tell you. Mary-Jo, I'm pregnant."  
  
"I know that now. Michelle, what the hell did you think you were doing?! You're 15!" cried Mary-Jo, when it finally sunk in.  
  
"16. It was my birthday nearly three weeks ago."  
  
"16 then. But you were 15 at the time! Does your father know?"  
  
"Um, I think if I hadn't, he might have somehow guessed, don't you? And anyway, stop yelling at me! I've already had this off Dad and Legolas!"  
  
"What's it got to do with Legolas?"  
  
"Don't tell me you haven't heard that either. Legolas and me are 'together'."  
  
"That's sick!"  
  
"Why?" Michelle was quite offended by this sudden remark.  
  
"He is…" Mary-Jo pulled out a pen and paper. "… 2,916 years older than you!" Michelle looked at the piece of paper. She'd taken away 15.  
  
"2,915 thank you very much. I've already told you, I'm 16 now."  
  
"It's still sick."  
  
"It's not as bad as you and a hobbit. And out of all of them, Frodo! You could have at least fallen for Pippin, or possibly Merry."  
  
"How do you know about that?" she said, whilst going very red.  
  
"The whole of Minas Tirith knows!"  
  
"How do they know?!"  
  
"Has Pippin ever kept a secret in his life?"  
  
"Where is he? I'll kill him!"  
  
"No you won't. I have become Pippin's personal baby-sitter. It's now my job to make sure no harm comes to him, whatsoever, being as he isn't capable of doing so himself. So, you'll have to get around me first."  
  
"Oh whatever. Well, I've got to go and do some jobs for my mom. Slave driver. So, I'll have to catch up with you later." She hugged Michelle and walked away, leaving Michelle alone. 'Fine,' she thought. 'I'll see if I can find Becky or Clare.' Unfortunately, she found neither. Nor did she find anybody remotely interesting. Becky, Clare, Tracey, Faramir, Legolas, Aragorn, the hobbits; they had all disappeared. Nobody had seen them or knew where they were. She began to make her way back home, but as she did so she heard the voice she'd been dreading since she'd woken up.  
  
"Michelle! There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere!" She turned around and, sure enough, there was Paul. "Before you say anything, just let me do this. Michelle, I know things weren't exactly great between us before, and we didn't always see eye-to-eye on everything, but I love you, and believe that that is enough to get over those minor differences. Words can't describe how much I love you, so I won't insult it by trying. We have something, a future. We are right for each other. That's why-" he dropped down to his knee "- I would be very honoured if you would consent to being my wife." Michelle was astounded. She really didn't like him at all; yet he had just proposed to her. She had to hold back the laughs.  
  
"Look, sweetie-" but Paul stopped her.  
  
"Oh no. Not the 'sweetie' thing again. You said that just before our trial separation."  
  
"I dumped you."  
  
"Anyway, I can see where this is heading. This is going to be: 'Look, sweetie, I'm flattered and everything, but I just don't think it would work. I hope we can still be friends' isn't it?"  
  
"No, actually it was going to be: 'Look, sweetie, you're doing my head in. I really don't like you, at all, so can you please bugger off and leave me alone?!' But if you want to read that differently, you can." She thought that went pretty well.  
  
"Oh" was all Paul could say. It was finally sinking in that she didn't want to be with him, and it hurt.  
  
"Yes, oh. Did you honestly think, if given the option, I would choose you over the fittest Elf ever to grace Middle Earth with his fine presence? Well, I wouldn't and I don't." She smiled and began to walk away, but as she did, she heard Paul begin to cry. She knew she had broken his heart, but she didn't care and felt no sympathy for him.  
  
"Quit your balling, wimp!" She walked away to find more interesting company.  
  
*****  
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn was sitting on the walls, thinking. He was lost deep in his thoughts, so he didn't hear the light footfalls behind him.  
  
"So…" said Tracey, sitting herself down next to him. This scared him so much; he fell backwards and landed in a heap on the floor. He got up quickly and sat back down, as if nothing had happened.  
  
"That was clever." She said, sarcastically.  
  
"You shouldn't creep up on people like that. Its bad manners." He said, moodily.  
  
"Oh, don't be so boring. Anyway, I'm bored, can I talk to you for a bit? Everyone else is too busy."  
  
"Why not? I've got nothing else to do. Is Minas Tirith always this quiet?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes." Tracey looked down, over the walls, and spotted Merry and Pippin. They were chasing one another, then they were wrestling, and then they stopped. They repeated this several times.  
  
"I really wonder about those two." Said Tracey. "I know they're best friends and all that, but they just seem a bit TOO close." Aragorn nodded his head.  
  
"I know exactly what you mean. I thought I was the only one who had noticed it. It's not just me then."  
  
"It's so obvious." She said. "They are constantly with each other, when we were out 'doing our thing' on the quest, they slept in each others arms every night, and now they sleep in the same bed. I mean, you'd at least think they'd be subtle about it, wouldn't you? Take Gimli for example, he doesn't make a song and dance about it."  
  
"Gimli?" said Aragorn. "Gimli is gay? Well, actually, that doesn't surprise me, can you think of any females who would want him?" Tracey shook her head, whilst laughing, a lot. "So, how do you know?" It took her a while to answer because she couldn't stop laughing, even though it wasn't that funny.  
  
"He so blatantly fancies Legolas, it's unbelievable! Didn't you see the look on his face, in Isengard, when Legolas and Michelle turned up holding hands? And when we announced Michelle was pregnant, and we all thought it was Legolas? He was completely gutted."  
  
"I suppose I never really noticed. OK, this is fun, who else?" Tracey thought for a moment.  
  
"Oh my God, have you heard about Mary-Jo and Frodo? I mean, how sick can you get?"  
  
"Mary-Jo and Frodo?"  
  
"Yeah, haven't you heard? She confessed her love to him after they destroyed the Ring." Aragorn laughed this time.  
  
"OK, now that is funny. A human and a hobbit. Well, funnier things have happened. There was an Elf friend of Legolas and myself who fell in love with a hobbit." Tracey fell off the wall from laughing so much.  
  
Aragorn and Tracey remained on the wall for the rest of the day, bitching, teasing and gossiping. Both of them fell off the wall many more times, resulting in Tracey having a sprained wrist and Aragorn having a dislocated shoulder. Both injuries hurt a lot, but they only made them laugh even harder. 


	48. A scary side to Legolas

1 Chapter 48  
  
Michelle arrived home to find Tracey and Legolas waiting for her.  
  
"Don't ever do that again!" he said, when he saw her. "You scared the life out of me! I turned around and you'd gone!" She wasn't really listening to what he was saying. It was going in one ear and out the other.  
  
"Legolas?" she said, sweetly.  
  
"What?" he said, suspiciously.  
  
"You know I love you, don't you?"  
  
"Yes." He said, slowly. 'What has she done?'  
  
"And that I would never leave you for anybody else ever. You know that too, don't you?"  
  
"Yes." He said again. 'Oh shit.'  
  
"Well, um, Paul just proposed to me."  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Tracey burst out laughing.  
  
"He proposed?! Oh my God, that's funny! He was being serious? He thought you'd choose him over Legolas?" She fell on the floor, from laughing. When she finally stopped laughing, she stood up. "Hadn't you better stop Legolas doing something he might regret?" Michelle turned around to warn him not to do anything, but he had gone.  
  
"CRAP! We've got to stop him!" She grabbed Tracey's hand and ran out of the room. On their travels, they ran into Mary-Jo and Clare. Michelle didn't say hello; she just got straight to the point.  
  
"WHERE'D LEGOLAS GO?" She yelled, deafening them both.  
  
"What?" said Clare.  
  
"Legolas!"  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"Where'd he go?!"  
  
"That way."  
  
"Come with me." Michelle grabbed Clare's hand and Tracey got Mary-Jo's. They began to run.  
  
"Why?" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"In case I go into labour!"  
  
"You're going into labour?!" said Clare.  
  
"No, I said 'in case'. The stress might make me give birth prematurely."  
  
"What stress?"  
  
"Paul just proposed."  
  
"Paul proposed!" shouted Mary-Jo and Clare, at the same time. "What did you say?" Michelle gave them a 'dur!' look.  
  
"I said yes." She replied, sarcastically.  
  
"You said yes?!" cried Mary-Jo, taking her seriously. She should have learnt her lesson by now, being as sarcasm was the only form of communication Sam used towards her.  
  
"No."  
  
"No, you said yes?" said Clare.  
  
"Yes, I mean, no!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You what?!"  
  
"You said yes?"  
  
"No, I said yes! I mean no! I said no! Oh, just shut up and run!" They searched the whole city, but they had no joy. Wherever Legolas had gone, he had hidden himself well. Eventually they made their way to the City Square. They knew that's probably where Becky would be, and Michelle hadn't seen her yet. Then they saw the most unbelievable sight ever. Paul was tied to the fountain, upside down, so the fountain looked like it was coming out of his arse.  
  
"I'm good." Said Legolas, whilst smirking at Paul, who was sobbing with embarrassment. Legolas spotted the girls and walked over to them. He put an arm around Michelle's shoulder but looked over at Paul. He pointed at Michelle.  
  
"You see? My Michelle. Not yours. Mine. To you: off limits. My Michelle. Me and Her. Legolas and Michelle. OK. Got it? Good." He turned to Michelle and kissed her. Paul started to wail, quite loudly. Clare looked at him with an overwrought look on her face.  
  
"Shouldn't we get him down?" she said, nervously. Michelle pulled away from Legolas.  
  
"And the point of that would be?"  
  
"It looks sort of… uncomfortable."  
  
"He deserves it." Said Legolas.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"How many times do we have to go through this?"  
  
"I wasn't listening the first time."  
  
"Go away, Clare." Said Legolas and Michelle together.  
  
"OK." And she disappeared.  
  
"How does she do that?" said Tracey. "The amount of times she has done that! It happened in Lothlorien, it happened just now…"  
  
"It happened in Mordor." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"She popped up and had a go at me in Isengard." Said Michelle. Clare suddenly reappeared.  
  
"You do realise that none of this would have happened if you hadn't got pregnant in the first place."  
  
"Are you saying this is my fault now?" said Michelle, irritably.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Fair enough." And then Clare disappeared again.  
  
"She really scares me." Said Tracey. The girls started to shuffle closer to Legolas. He looked at them.  
  
"Oh come on. What am I going to do? She scares me too, you know!" Michelle looked over at Paul and laughed. Paul started to plead with her.  
  
"Michelle, please! Let me down!"  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because you, um, well, er, oh, I don't know. But, the blood is rushing to my head and I'm starting to get dizzy."  
  
"Good." Said Legolas, fiercely. "It'll teach not to make a move on my girl again, then, won't it?"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Legolas, sir. I'm sorry, I really am. If you would just let me down. Please. I won't ever speak to her ever again, I promise."  
  
"Oh do." Said Michelle. Legolas gave her an odd look, and Paul gave her an, upside down, hopeful one. "Because then Legolas can do this again to you." The look quickly disappeared off Paul's face, and a smile spread across Legolas'.  
  
Tracey looked at Legolas in disbelief.  
  
"Legolas? I thought Elves were nice. This is pure evil. I like it though. You've taught him well, Michelle."  
  
"We're not, normally." He replied. "But, sometimes, if someone really annoys us, we flip a bit. But, this is timid compared to some of the things me and my brothers have done to people in the past." Michelle's eyes lit up. She loved hearing embarrassing stories, as long as she wasn't the subject of them.  
  
"Ooh, do tell."  
  
"Ask Aragorn." Michelle frowned.  
  
"OK." Said Tracey and she ran off to find him. Michelle watched her best friend run away, then turned her attention back to Legolas.  
  
"Well, I'm tired. Shall we go home?"  
  
"What about him? He said.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. Someone will get him down in a bit."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Hehehe! What do you think? Isn't that just a great way to punish someone?! Well, it serves Paul right for proposing to her, when he knew that she was going out with (in Merry's words) 'the big scary Elf man'. I'd hate to see Legolas in a bad mood, wouldn't you? Anyway, hope you liked.  
  
Tafi: I told you he would get his payment didn't I. Oh yeah, and I very much appreciate the presence of Legolas in your reviews for our alternative script, as did Guardian of Tears. Thank you, chick!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	49. Midsummer

1 A/N: By some weird twist of the imagination, imagine Becky isn't at the wedding and doesn't see Michelle until after the birth, and she doesn't know she's pregnant. I know it wouldn't happen in real life, but this isn't real life its 'Boromir's Niece', a very unrealistic interpretation of LotR, therefore it doesn't matter if I have totally unrealistic events! That's my reasoning, I thank you.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
PS. Don't ask! I be in a very weird mood today. Everything needs a reason.  
  
PPS. It's nearly your birthday, Tafi! WOO HOO! 8 days today!  
  
2 Chapter 49  
  
"OK Michelle, I want to tell you something. I hope you are happy for me." Michelle was quite worried about what she was about to be told. Her father had a tendency of not bearing good news.  
  
"Dad, just get on with it. It can't be as bad as my little shock for you when you woke up."  
  
"Well, that depends on your point of view." She was really worried now. Anyway, I am re-marrying." Michelle's face dropped.  
  
"Who to?!?!?!" She couldn't imagine her Dad with anybody but her mother.  
  
"To Éowyn."  
  
"Éo-who?! Oh her. How do you know her?!" she narrowed her eyes on her Dad.  
  
"She was in the Houses of Healing when I was, and we started talking and the we just, sort of…"  
  
"I don't want to know. I'm going for a walk." She started towards the door. She stopped and turned back. "Oh yeah, I'm probably going to stay at Tracey's tonight. She asked me earlier. I just thought I would let you know." And she walked away.  
  
She eventually found Legolas, Aragorn and Tracey. The three of them were sitting by the fountain, from which Paul had now been removed. Aragorn was trying to defend himself against the two of them, but wasn't doing very well.  
  
"I-I-I don't know!" he stuttered. The pressure was really getting to him.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for?" said Tracey.  
  
"A s-sign."  
  
"What sign?" said Legolas.  
  
"I d-don't know! I-I'll know when I s-see it!"  
  
"Well, you should know! It's your City, your wedding and your life!" Michelle walked up to them, not really caring what they were arguing about. She didn't greet any of them; she just sat herself on Legolas' lap.  
  
"Tracey, I'm staying at yours tonight." She said.  
  
"You are?"  
  
"No, I'm staying with Legolas, but my Dad thinks I'm staying at yours. So, that's the story, get it right, OK?" she replied, irritably. Tracey looked at her oddly. 'What's rattled her cage?'  
  
"What's the matter?" said Legolas.  
  
"My Dad is re-marrying."  
  
"What?!" cried Tracey. 'Who'd want to marry him? Oops, shouldn't think that. Michelle might find out and hit me, or something.' "To who?!"  
  
"Éowyn. Stupid, la-di-da, Rohan woman. What does he want to go and marry her for?! He doesn't need anyone else! He's got me and Maria! Is he trying to tell us something? Are we not good enough for him? Not living up to his expectations?" She paused for thought. "Oh, I get it now. He's trying to tell me I'm a disappointment, isn't he?! He's ashamed of me, and is hinting at it! He hasn't got the guts to say it properly!" She laid her head on Legolas' shoulder and tried to hold back the tears. This was a reason why she didn't want them marrying, but the main reason was that she didn't want anyone replacing her mother. She could barely remember her as it was, but this would spoil any memory of her whatsoever, or so she thought.  
  
"You are NOT a disappointment!" Said Legolas. "Did you ever think he might be getting married because he likes her? He does need a little bit of joy in his life, Michelle."  
  
"I think you're forgetting something." She pointed at her bump. "He's going to be a granddad!"  
  
"I know, and that's good, but it means you're growing up. Maybe he doesn't want that. He's doing something for himself, for once. And anyway, at least they aren't marrying yet. Éowyn has gone back to Rohan for the preparation and burial of Théoden. She won't be back for some time." This cheered Michelle up a bit. She had her Dad to herself for a little while, at least.  
  
"I never did like her." Said Tracey. "She was such a pain in the arse. Constantly flirting with Aragorn, or so I heard." She turned to ask him if it was true, but he had gone. He slipped away during the conversation.  
  
The following day, the people of Minas Tirith found that Aragorn had set watchmen upon the walls. All he would say about it was that the sign he had been given the sign and now all they had to do was wait. It was the day before Midsummer when messengers came from Amon Din to the City, and they said that there was a riding of fair folk out of the North, and they drew near now to the walls of the Pelennor.  
  
"At last, they have come. Let all the City be made ready."  
  
Upon the very Eve of Midsummer, when the sky was blue as sapphire and white stars opened in the East, but the West was still golden, and the air was cool and fragrant, the riders came down from the North-way to the gates of Minas Tirith. First rode Elrohir and Elladan with a banner of silver, and then came Glorfindel and Erestor and all of the household of Rivendell, and after them came the Lady Galadriel and Celeborn, Lord of Lothlorien, riding upon white steeds and with them many fair folk of their land, grey- cloaked with white gems in their hair; and last came Master Elrond, mighty among Elves and Men, bearing the sceptre on Annuminas, and beside him upon a grey palfrey rode Arwen his daughter, Evenstar of her people.  
  
The following day, all the guests were waiting for the Bride and Groom to arrive. Tracey, Mary-Jo, Michelle and Kathrine were huddled in a little group in the centre of the room and they were in heaven. There were hundreds of gorgeous Elves were just wandering around, waiting for the ceremony to begin. A perfect opportunity for the single girls in the group to play 'eye-flirt' with a few of Arwen's guests.  
  
"You should tell Arwen to get married more often, Michelle." Said Mary- Jo. Her eyes were darting from one side of the room to the other. She had her eyes on three different Elves, and couldn't decide between them.  
  
"Oh my God!" said Tracey. The girls all looked at her.  
  
"What?" said Kathrine.  
  
"They're here!"  
  
"Who?" said Michelle.  
  
"Do you remember those two totally fine Elves in Lothlorien? The ones who brought us dinner on the last day. They're over there!" They all looked and, sure enough, there they were.  
  
"Phwoah! They are nice!" said Michelle. "I didn't really notice in Lothlorien. My mind was elsewhere."  
  
"Hello! He was nice!" said Mary-Jo, whilst staring at a handsome Elf as he passed. All the girls started to giggle. All this niceness was just too much for them to handle. They were having 'eye-candy' overloads.  
  
Legolas was standing in the corner, with the hobbits, watching. Michelle was blatantly flirting with almost every male in the room, right in front of him. In his opinion, she took it too far when Kathrine dared her to wink at Glorfindel. Jealousy was racing through his head and he walked over to her. He walked up behind her. He wasn't going to go mad or show that he was jealous, he would be normal and see how she reacted.  
  
"Are you OK?" he asked.  
  
"Very much so." She turned around and kissed him. "But, I'm even better now that you're here. So, stop getting jealous, I'm only messing around." He tried to look surprised by her comment, but she wasn't fooled. "Don't pretend you don't know. I know you've been watching me and therefore you are jealous because I have been flirting. Ooh, they're here!" The guests all took their seats. Unfortunately, Michelle had been seated away from her friends and behind a woman with a ridiculously large hat, so she couldn't see a thing. The ceremony was about an hour long, and after 45 minutes her head began to nod. 'Why did I come to this? I hate weddings! Even if it's those of people I know I still hate them! Why did I fool myself into thinking this would be different? If anything it's worse. Elves and their quirky habits. This is probably going on twice as long as it… uh-oh!'  
  
"If anybody has any objections as to why these two people should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, please speak now." Said the priest (A/N: Did they even have priests at this time?)  
  
"OH SHHH-" cried Michelle.  
  
"Michelle! Language!" said Faramir.  
  
"SUGAR!"  
  
"What's the matter?" said Legolas.  
  
"My waters have broken!"  
  
"I didn't think that hurt." Said Pippin.  
  
"It doesn't. This is a new dress!" Everybody around didn't seem to really understand what was going on. It was very obvious she was going into labour, but they must have all inherited the 'blonde' gene off Legolas. Mary-Jo decided to make it clear for them.  
  
"SHE'S GOING INTO LABOUR!" She shouted. She didn't need to shout because everyone was silent, but she decided it was more effective if she did. The uproar began.  
  
"Somebody boil some water!" said Tracey, whilst jumping on the spot. She had a lot of energy building up and didn't know what to do with it.  
  
"Why?" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"I don't know! They do it in the movies!" Michelle was then rushed to the Houses of Healing because they didn't know where else to take her.  
  
~ 1 hour later ~  
  
"OK, breathe Michelle." Said Tracey, trying to calm her best friend down.  
  
"Thank you Tracey!" said Michelle in between breaths. "You've been and are being a great help! When I'm done with this I'll make it up it you!"  
  
~ 4 hours ~  
  
"YOU STUPID COW! WHY DID YOU LET ME GET IN THIS STATE?!"  
  
"It's not my fault!" said Tracey. "I didn't make you pregnant!"  
  
"STOP MAKING EXCUSES!"  
  
~ 8 hours later ~  
  
"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCKING, FUCKED UP, FUCKING SHIT, IT HURTS!!!!!"  
  
"Do you think she might just be in a little bit of pain, Legolas?" said Tracey, but he was too busy trying to ease Michelle's grip on his hand.  
  
~ 14 hours later ~  
  
"God is DEFINITELY a man!"  
  
~ 19 hours later ~  
  
"I'm going to fucking kill Paul when I next see him!!!"  
  
"Ooh, can we help you?!" said Tracey, hopefully.  
  
~ 25 hours later ~  
  
"Morphine! Bring me some morphine, NOW!!!"  
  
"What's morphine?" said Legolas.  
  
"I don't know, but bring me some anyway!!!"  
  
~ 28 hours later ~  
  
"One more push Michelle!" said Tracey, excitedly.  
  
"You said that an hour ago!" moaned Legolas. "I can't even feel my hand anymore!"  
  
"I mean it this time!" Tears began to roll down Tracey's face. "It's a girl." She wrapped it in a towel and handed the baby to Michelle. "Congratulations!" Legolas was hopping around the room, nursing his hand.  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"  
  
"Let me have a look." Said Tracey. She examined his hand and a look of shock spread across her face. "I think you've broken every bone in his hand!" Michelle didn't tear her eyes away from her daughter.  
  
"He'll get over it." She said, unenthusiastically.  
  
"They were my bow fingers!" he whined.  
  
"Shut up and look at our beautiful daughter."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: YAY! It a girl! WOO HOO! Sorry the chapter is really long, I got a bit carried away with writing, then I couldn't decide on anything to take out! Oh, the stress of it all! Anyway, I hope you liked the different stages of her labour. Yes, 28 hours is a VERY long time, but that's what my mom was with me, so I thought I'd be evil to Michelle. : Hehehehe!!!  
  
Luvs Crumpet xXxXx  
  
PS. I know God wasn't around at this time, but I think it's a funny expression so I decided to put it in! Again with the unrealisticness of the story!!! 


	50. Super sensitive ears

1 A/N: OK, the end of this chapter is VERY odd! It doesn't really make any sense. It was thought up by GoT on a coach trip earlier. It's funny (I hope), but VERY strange. And don't ask me to explain it, just accept it.  
  
2 Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
3 Chapter 50  
  
"Can we come in yet?" said Pippin. They noticed the screams had stopped and presumed there was now a fifth person in the room. Faramir opened the door.  
  
"Yes, you can… whoa!" He looked and everybody wanted to see her. All of the fellowship, her friends and almost everyone in the City were there. "OK, only close friends and relatives can come in, at the moment." So he let in the Mary-Jo, hobbits, Aragorn, Gimli and Gandalf. Mary-Jo ran over to Michelle and automatically went into ''aww, look at the cute widdle baby!' mode.  
  
"Aww! What is it?"  
  
"A girl." Michelle couldn't tear her eyes away from the little bundle she held in her arms. She was overjoyed.  
  
"She's beautiful! She definitely takes after her mother." Michelle finally took her eyes off the baby and looked around the room. Everyone was smiling at her. But there was still someone missing.  
  
"Dad? Where's Maria?" She didn't always get on very well with her little sister, but she wanted her to be there. She was now an auntie, after all.  
  
"Who?" replied Faramir. In doing so he received some very strange looks.  
  
"Your other daughter."  
  
"Oh, her. Um, I don't know."  
  
"You forgot you had another daughter?" said Pippin. "How?"  
  
"Look!" he said, defensively. "I've just had a granddaughter! I am a granddad! I'm 35 and I'm already a granddad!"  
  
"No, you're not. You're fo-"  
  
"Shut up! I'm 35!" Suddenly, Maria appeared with Clare.  
  
"Where've you been?!" said Mary-Jo. "We've been worried sick! OK, so less of the worried, but where've you been?!"  
  
"With Clare." Maria answered innocently. Mary-Jo thought for a minute  
  
"That's not an answer! Where've you been?"  
  
"Here and there." She said. "Clare's taken me on as her apprentice!" she added.  
  
"Oh dear." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"What do you been 'oh dear'?" said Tracey.  
  
"She can appear and disappear wherever and whenever she wants!" Tracey looked at Michelle.  
  
"Oh dear." They said together.  
  
"Maria, do you still like Frodo?" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Yes!" Mary-Jo, Tracey and Michelle all looked at each other.  
  
"Oh dear." Just then, there was a knock on the door. Faramir opened the door and Becky and Kathrine came in. They walked over to Michelle, but the first thing Becky noticed was Legolas' arm around Michelle's shoulder.  
  
"Aye, aye!" she said. "So, this is what you've been up to whilst I was away." She looked down at the baby and had exactly the same reaction. "Aww. A little cutie-pie! What's its name?"  
  
"She hasn't got a name yet." Said Michelle. 'I really should get onto that.' She thought.  
  
"Who's is she?" said Becky. Every face in the room turned to her. Michelle raised an eyebrow, looked at Legolas and then looked back at Becky. 'Is she being funny?'  
  
"She's mine." Becky gave her a 'don't-be-stupid' look.  
  
"No, really, who's is she?" 'This is just taking the piss, now.'  
  
"Mine." She said again. Becky mouth dropped open in shock.  
  
"Yours?!" she said. "I didn't know I was gone that long. So…" she began to point at Michelle and Legolas. Michelle finally clocked what she meant.  
  
"Oh no, not him. No, it's much worse." Legolas looked quite offended by that comment.  
  
"What do you mean worse? I'm not bad! I'm quite good, actually." Michelle scowled.  
  
"I wouldn't know." She moaned. "But, I'm willing to test out that theory." She whispered. "A second opinion, you might say."  
  
"Later." He said, and her face lit up.  
  
"I'll hold you to that." Becky's face was distorted with thought. She was trying to think about something, but was finding it very hard.  
  
"So, let me get this straight. She's your daughter and she hasn't got a name."  
  
"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" said Pippin. "Do you know what a really good name, for both genders, is? Pippin."  
  
"Isn't that your name?" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"No, my name is Peregrin."  
  
"Ooh, another good one is Merry." Said Merry.  
  
"Isn't that your name?" said Tracey.  
  
"No, my name is Meriadoc. They are both abbreviations." Gimli opened his mouth to speak, but Michelle stopped him quickly.  
  
"Don't even think about it, dwarf boy!" she said, fiercely. She looked over to Mary-Jo. "You're going to ask me call it Mary-Jo now, aren't you?"  
  
"No, actually I was thinking Elizabeth. Do you want me to ask you?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Okay." Maria was silent for a couple of minutes, but then she had an idea. It was a very stupid idea, but an idea it was.  
  
"Why don't you call it Paula?" she said, stupidly. Everybody's face dropped. Legolas quickly snatched the baby out of Michelle's arms, as her eyes narrowed on Maria. Mary-Jo turned to Maria.  
  
"Run!" Everybody but Legolas, Michelle, Maria and the baby left the room. Maria was left standing alone.  
  
"What?" she said, and then finally she realised what she said and ran out the room as she heard Michelle take an extremely large breath in. She quickly reached the others, and as she did they heard:  
  
"*!#@^ +!*@!#" (A/N: This is the odd bit. Please don't ask, because I don't know!)  
  
"FREEZE!" shouted Mary-Jo. The whole scene freezes accept for Mary-Jo and Frodo, and they become the actors.  
  
"Elijah, I thought this was an uncensored story." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"It is, but if anybody heard that, they might explode." Said Elijah Wood.  
  
"Even John Rhys-Davies?!"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Even Orlando?!"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Uh-oh!" The scene continues, as if none of that conversation happened, and the actors return to their character forms. (A/N: I told you it was odd!) Maria was still confused.  
  
"Why did we run?" she asked. It appeared that the fellowship knew her sister better than she did.  
  
"Because that scream probably would have killed us if we'd been in the room." Said Faramir.  
  
"If Legolas is an Elf, doesn't that mean he has super sensitive ears?" said Pippin. Everybody looked at each other.  
  
"Ow." Legolas stumbled out of the door at that moment. He was carrying the baby still, and she was sleeping soundly, despite her mother's outburst. Aragorn walked up to him.  
  
"Legolas, are you OK?" he said. He looked very dazed and didn't answer. "Legolas?" Again there was silence. "Legolas?" he began to wave his hand in front of Legolas face, but still there was nothing. "I think she killed him." he said, whilst handing the baby to Tracey.  
  
"How is he walking then?" said Pippin.  
  
"He's an Elf, they're strange like that."  
  
*****  
  
A/N: I said it was strange! Please don't flame me for that! I know its stupid, but hey, do I care?! Oh well, on to the next chapter then!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	51. Naming the baby

1 A/N: In case you were wondering, yes I am unnecessarily prolonging the ending. I really love writing this, and I don't want it to end! BOO HOO! ( I have ideas for more chapters, so its not ending quite yet! Enjoy!  
  
2 Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
3 PS. If you can guess any of the combinations, let me know! You'll get recognised in a future A/N.  
  
4 Chapter 51  
  
"Is it safe to come in?" said Tracey, poking her head around the door.  
  
"Of course its safe!" snapped Michelle. "Where's my daughter?!"  
  
"Here." Tracey replied, as she entered the room properly. The moment the baby was back in Michelle's arms, Michelle became completely calm. The baby was having an effect on her mother somehow. 'Mental note to Tracey: do not take baby away from Michelle.' Everyone cautiously came back into the room but found she was perfectly normal again, even when Maria came back. Aragorn finally got Legolas to snap out of the trance and convinced him to go back in.  
  
"So," said Becky. "What are you going to call her?"  
  
"You could combine some of our names!" said Kathrine. Suddenly, everyone was full of ideas.  
  
"Frojo!"  
  
"Aracey!"  
  
"Mirpy!"  
  
"Clami!"  
  
"Macey!"  
  
"Leggorn!"  
  
"Garlic!"  
  
"Fram!"  
  
"Gimlas!"  
  
"Beckrin!" said Kathrine.  
  
"Actually, my real name is Rebecca. Becky is just what my friends call me!" Said Becky.  
  
"All right then, Rebecca. How about… Rebrin." Then Legolas had an idea.  
  
"Robyn." He said. "Why don't you call her Robyn?" Michelle thought about it.  
  
"Robyn? Robyn? Hmm, I wonder. Let me see. Legolas, hold her a minute. Oh, and cover her ears. Ahem. 'ROBYN GET DOWN HERE AND EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!', 'ROBYN, STOP SWEARING!', one more: 'ROBYN, STOP FLIRTING WITH THE PAPER BOY!' Yep, I like it. Robyn it is."  
  
"Well done, Leggy." Said Mary-Jo. "You're so clever."  
  
"OI!" said Michelle. "Only I'm allowed to call him 'Leggy'!" Legolas looked at her.  
  
"You're allowed to call me 'Leggy'?" he said. He didn't even like being called 'Leggy'.  
  
"Yes." She answered, forcefully.  
  
"She is now." Muttered Tracey.  
  
"So, what now?" said Merry. Michelle spoke to Legolas, privately, for a minute and they agreed on something. Michelle turned back to the others.  
  
"Now we decide who are going to be Michelle's God-parents."  
  
"Does that mean responsibility?" said Becky, nervously. That word and her name didn't go together in the same sentence. "Because, if it does, then count me out!" She couldn't be doing with being responsible for Michelle's 'mini-me'.  
  
"I'll do it!" cried Tracey and Mary-Jo, at the exactly the same time.  
  
"No I will." Said Tracey.  
  
"No I will." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"No, I will."  
  
"No, you're wrong, I will."  
  
"I am not wrong, I will make a way better God-mother you, Mary-Jo."  
  
"I think you'll find you won't."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Will not."  
  
"Will too!"  
  
"Will not!" Tracey couldn't be bothered to argue any more, so she pounced on Mary-Jo. There was much clothing ripping, hair pulling, scratching-of-sharp-nails and feeble-punching. And the men, being their usual stupid selves, took it upon them selves to be the audience.  
  
"OK, what are the odds?" said Aragorn.  
  
"20-1 on Tracey winning. And 10-1 on Michelle stopping the fight and choosing neither of them." Said Pippin.  
  
"Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs here!" The girls stopped fighting and stared at the hot dog guy.  
  
"What's in those?" said Tracey. He shrugged his shoulders.  
  
"Dogs?" Tracey looked mortified.  
  
"You can't do that! It's animal cruelty! Mary-Jo, they used dogs in their hot dog sausages!!!"  
  
"That's disgusting!" she said. Pippin wasn't at all interested in animal rights, he was just interested in making money.  
  
"Um, can you carry on? We have bets going here!" Tracey and Mary-Jo looked very annoyed at the fact people were betting on them, and so refused to carry on.  
  
"Thank you SO much for that, girls." Said Michelle, sarcastically. "I'm sure Robyn appreciates it very much. I'm not picking either of you now, because of that." Tracey and Mary-Jo moaned.  
  
"You can chose me!" said Clare.  
  
"No." said Michelle.  
  
"Please! I'll teach you!" Michelle's face lit up! 'Haha! I'll be one up on the others then!'  
  
"HA!" said Clare. She hadn't meant it. Michelle glared at her.  
  
"Then no, you can't! That was evil!" Clare pouted. "Kathrine, that leaves you. What do you say? You don't have to do anything until we both die, and that isn't happening for a quite a while with him."  
  
"Why not? As long as there aren't any horrible things that I am obliged to do."  
  
"Good, we have that sorted. Now then, who wants to be Robyn's God- father?" Every male hand in the room, except Legolas' (though he wanted to), went up. Michelle could see that they were about to have a repeat performance and so stopped it straight away.  
  
"Don't even think about fighting!" she yelled. "I will choose a person." She turned to speak to Legolas. She took quite a while deciding, and they were growing impatient. Finally, she made a decision.  
  
"I would very much like the God-father to be… Pippin." Pippin looked very shocked and everyone else looked disappointed.  
  
"Me? Why?"  
  
"You've been a great friend to me, all the way from Rivendell. And I think this is a good way if thanking you." Kathrine suddenly thought of something.  
  
"I don't have to go with the God-father, do I?" 'Please God no! Not with a hobbit! That's Mary-Jo's job!'  
  
"No, nothing like that. You are just both obliged to take care of Robyn, should Legolas and I die."  
  
"Phew! That's all right then! You had me worried for a minute there, Michelle."  
  
"What's wrong with me?" said Pippin.  
  
"You're a hobbit."  
  
"That hasn't stopped Mary-Jo."  
  
"And that's why Mary-Jo has no proper friends."  
  
"OI!" said Mary-Jo, and then she slapped Kathrine.  
  
"Well, its true." She muttered.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Its not true, Mary-Jo, honest! We do love you really!  
  
So, I hope you like the name combinations. As I said before, if you can guess them (which isn't hard for most) you will be given credit.  
  
Tafi, as ever, thanks for your reviews! I'm glad somebody appreciates my story! Seemingly, Kielle doesn't. Therefore, all I have to say is BUGGER OFF! Do you stupid critics never learn? I DON'T CARE! Other people like my stuff, making you just one person out of many (ish) and insignificant! Sorry Tafi, as I was saying, well I don't know what I was saying (as usual) so I'm just going to THANK YOU and yes, we are pervy teens, but there is so relationships going on in LotR (Tolkien's version!)  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx 


	52. An 18-year old loser who lives at home w...

1 A/N: So, here we are with another chapter. In case anybody was wondering, the name Gimli was going to suggest was 'Gimlertta'. Some people may have found it irritating that I didn't say what name he would have said. Well, now you know. Hope you like this chapter.  
  
Tafi: I will remember not to say 'God' now. Thank you for correcting me. From now on I will say 'Eru', 'Valar' or 'Maiar'. And I'll remember not to put 'essay' and 'enjoy' in the same sentence again. But, if it's a funny essay, then won't you enjoy it? But, it probably wasn't a very funny chapter; therefore you told me not to say 'enjoy', am I right? (Boromir always was!) I will shut up now.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 52  
  
There was another knock at the door.  
  
"I am NOT a doorman!" said Faramir, when he was told to answer the door again.  
  
"Yes, you are." Said Michelle. "Now answer the damn door." Faramir sighed and answered the door. He was preparing himself to reject the person, but the shock stopped him from doing so.  
  
"You!" he said. Paul was standing in the doorway. "Haven't you learned your lesson, yet? You've been knocked out and hung upside down on fountain! What more do you want?!"  
  
"I want to see my daughter." He said.  
  
"You don't even know her name!"  
  
"That's not the point. She's my daughter, and I want to see her. You have no right or way of stopping me." He tried to force his way, but soon stopped when Legolas came to the door with Robyn in his arms. "OK, that might work."  
  
"Problem?" he said, very patronisingly.  
  
"I want to see my daughter." Paul said, bitterly.  
  
"Correction. MY daughter. She may be yours by genetics alone, but you can guarantee that you will have NO fatherly relations with her, at all."  
  
"Your daughter, my arse! She is mine!"  
  
"Not according to this!" Legolas held up a sheet of paper (birth certificate, if they had them). "This clearly states that I am the father. So, that means I can stop you from seeing MY daughter."  
  
"That is very unfair! I want a trial to sort this out, FAIRLY!" cried Paul. He would doing anything within his power (which wasn't a lot) to get custody of his daughter, even though he still didn't know her name. "Um, what's her name?"  
  
"Robyn." Said Michelle. She appeared at the door beside Legolas and took the baby off Legolas. "And the trial can be arranged. Right, Aragorn?"  
  
"Of course. I'm King, what I say, goes. How's tomorrow for you?" he replied.  
  
"Tomorrow's fine." Said Paul.  
  
"Good." She said, and shut the door in his face. After she heard him walk away, she turned to face everyone. "CRAP! What am I going to do?! He wants to take her away from me!!!"  
  
"There's no problem." Said Tracey. "You will win easily."  
  
"I hope so."  
  
The following day, everybody turned up at the Palace. Michelle was shaking like a leaf and tears were running down her cheeks.  
  
"But, what if he wins?" she cried. "I couldn't her being taken away from me!" Legolas brushed the tears off her cheeks.  
  
"He isn't going to win. You have more rights than he does." He said, trying to comfort her.  
  
"But, I'm only 16! He'll throw that at me! I'm too young and poor to support a child!"  
  
"And you've got a Prince for a father and a Prince for a boyfriend. I don't think money is an issue." Aragorn walked over to them.  
  
"We're ready to start when you are." He said. "Don't worry, Michelle. Just tell the truth, you'll be fine." She nodded her head, brushed away the tears, clasped Legolas' hand and walked into the trial room (meaning Aragorn's Great Hall). She took her seat and waited for the trial to begin.  
  
Paul walked in. 'This will be a doddle.' He thought. He looked over at the High Council who would be judging the case. To his horror he saw Aragorn and Kathrine sitting there.  
  
"What's are you doing in the High Council?!" he cried to Kathrine.  
  
"I've been on the High Council for nearly two years, now! Thanks for noticing." She retorted.  
  
"And you!" he turned to Aragorn. "You're going to favour her too! You're good mates with her boyfriend, her best friend and her!"  
  
"I am not!" Aragorn said. "I'm scared to death of her!"  
  
"Exactly. You don't want to get on the wrong side of her!"  
  
"Just get on with the trial!" said Michelle. She couldn't be doing with all this arguing. She just wanted it over and done with. Aragorn stood up and began the trial. After a, unnecessary, long-winded and boring speech, he called Paul to give his side if the story.  
  
"Why do you think you deserve custody of Robyn?" said Aragorn, sharply.  
  
"Well, I am her biological father and I do not believe that Michelle is old enough, capable enough or responsible enough to look after a child. When she knew she was pregnant; she went on a life-threatening quest."  
  
"I see. But, haven't you got a criminal record? I would hardly call that stable or responsible."  
  
"He started it!"  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
"Look, ask my Commanding officer. He'll tell you. I am responsible, stable, caring and committed." Mary-Jo walked in. Paul was mortified. "What are you doing?!"  
  
"I am your new commanding officer."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The former was killed valiantly in battle. Wimp. And, I destroyed the Ring. Did you all know that? I destroyed the Ring. Yep, me. I destroyed It!"  
  
"That's not fair! You're going to make me out to be really horrible."  
  
"Yes, that's because you are."  
  
"This trial is biased!"  
  
"We are not!" yelled Kathrine, taking his comment completely out of context.  
  
"I said biased, not bi-assed." (A/N: Thanks Freja!)  
  
"Oh. I knew that."  
  
"And anyway," said Paul. "I will make a much better father than that Elf."  
  
"And how do reckon that one?" said Michelle, not caring that she wasn't meant to be speaking yet.  
  
"On one hand," said Aragorn. "We have a highly respected, and loved, Prince of Mirkwood, who brought a pregnant girl safely through battle without her or the baby being harmed.  
  
"He turned me upside down and tied me to the fountain!" cried Paul. "That's not responsible!"  
  
"You deserved it. You shouldn't have proposed to his girlfriend. And, on the other hand, we have an 18-year old boy, who is a loser and lives in a hut, with his mother and seven dogs. I think we'll hear Michelle now." Michelle stood up. "Would you like to tell us why you think you should keep Robyn." He said gently, very differently to how he had spoken to Paul.  
  
"I know I'm only young," Michelle began; "but, I am in a very stable and happy relationship with a member of elvish royalty. My father is the Prince of Ithilien, and both of them have sworn to support me in whatever I do. Robyn is only one day old so cannot be taken away from me yet, unless Paul has parts to him none of us knew about. But, all in all, she's my little girl, and I beg you not to take her away from me. It would break my heart." Tears started to roll down her cheek again, but she quickly wiped them away. She sat down, and all she had to do was wait.  
  
"Well," said Aragorn, after an intercession of about 10 minutes. "Do the High Council have an answer for us?"  
  
"We do." Said Kathrine. "We have decided to give full custody to Michelle, and this is not bias. It is purely because we ALL think Paul is a complete and utter-"  
  
"OK, thank you!" said Aragorn, quickly.  
  
Michelle left the Great Hall. When she got outside she jumped in the air, yelled a couple of times and then hugged everybody about 70 times, particularly Aragorn and Kathrine.  
  
"So, Paul can't see her at all?" she said, just to be sure.  
  
"Not unless you, and you alone, give him permission." Said Kathrine. Michelle took Robyn from Tracey and kissed her.  
  
"My little girl." She whispered.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: So what made Paul think he was a better dad than Legolas? That is possibly the stupidest thing ever said! All right then, IS the stupidest thing ever said!  
  
I know this chapter was a little strange, and this would almost 100% not happen on the baby's second day of life but I thought it might be a bit funny if Paul tried to see the baby. Then my mate came up with the idea of him trying for custody! So I used the idea and this was the result. Don't flame me, please.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
PS. BOO HOO! This story is nearly finished, but I have ideas for the sequel, so I'll need a title. If you have any ideas, whatsoever, however stupid you think they are, let me know!  
  
PPS. Tafi, writing to you in my A/N has become a sort of tradition, hasn't it? Well, I just want to say that I was talking to my friend about you the other day and I came to the conclusion that you are definitely my favourite reviewer! No offence to all my other reviewers. You're great too, but this girl rocks! 


	53. Total madness!!!

1 A/N: I apologise. You'll see why.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
2  
  
3 Chapter 53  
  
"Well, I feel like celebrating!" said Michelle. "Dad, can they come back to ours?"  
  
"Of course!" Faramir said. "We have much to celebrate!" And so, they all went back to Michelle and Farmir's house. Faramir got out a keg of beer for Gimli, Aragorn, the hobbits and himself and several bottles of wine for Gandalf, Legolas and the girls were allowed to have a little bit. They all got bored quite quickly, though. After 3 hours of constant drinking from all parties, Becky had an idea.  
  
"Shall we play spin the bottle?" she said.  
  
"Yeah, go on, it'll be fun. You never know where the bottle will stop. Which actually turns out to be quite horrible most of the time, but hey." said Tracey.  
  
"How do you play spin the bottle?" said Legolas. All the men were thinking exactly the same. "And what is spin the bottle?"  
  
"Basically," said Michelle. "Everybody sits in a circle and there's a bottle in the middle. Somebody has to spin the bottle, hence the name and you see who it lands on. Then whoever it lands on spins it again and they have to kiss whoever it lands on the second time." The men had blank expressions on their faces. "OK, for example, someone spins the bottle first and it lands on me. Then, I spin the bottle and it lands on Legolas, so I have to kiss Legolas. But there are rules. 1) You HAVE to kiss whoever it lands on and 2) If you refuse to kiss your chosen person, you get a forfeit, which is always a lot worse." They still didn't understand. "Well, it's a crap game anyway."  
  
"No, it's not!" cried Kathrine, Mary-Jo, Tracey and Becky at the same time.  
  
"It's really good!" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Not when one of you might have to get off with MY boyfriend." The four girls' eyes flashed, that was exactly what they wanted to happen. Finally the men understood what the game was about, and most of them were willing to play.  
  
"Come on, Michelle! Stop being boring." Said Becky.  
  
"No, I will sink that low. I'm not that desperate." She said. She was determined not to give in to them.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
"And neither will he!" She said before he had a chance to answer. And if she wasn't joining in, then neither was he.  
  
"Fine, suit yourselves." And they started the game. Every so often, a 'EEWWW!!!' would be heard from the circle, but that didn't interrupt Legolas and Michelle's odd conversation.  
  
"So," said Michelle. "Have you got a girlfriend?"  
  
"Yes, you." He replied, whilst laughing in confusion. 'Please let that be a blonde moment. I hope she's not trying to tell me something.'  
  
"No, I didn't mean that? I meant, have you ever had a girlfriend?" 'Mental note to Legolas: Never give Michelle alcohol ever again.'  
  
"I'm nearly 3,000 years old."  
  
"So, no then."  
  
"Of course I've had girlfriends."  
  
"How do you know you're good at sex?" Every head turned to face her, particularly Faramir. Legolas could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"When I said to Becky yesterday 'no, it's much worse' you said you were good, how do you know?"  
  
"Well, duh!"  
  
"So, who was it?"  
  
"What do you mean?" 'Definitely no alcohol!'  
  
"Who did you, you know, with?" Clare began to cringe for Michelle. She prayed to the almighty Eru (A/N: Thanks Tafi!) that she didn't remember any of this in the morning.  
  
"There were many."  
  
"WAHEY!!! Way to go, Legolas!" cheered all the men. "All right, Legolas! WOO HOO!"  
  
"Were they all men, Legolas?" said Sam.  
  
"How many more times, Sam? I am NOT a woman!"  
  
"I know."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!?!?!"  
  
"Absolutely nothing! Nothing, at all, Mr. Legolas, sir! I'm sorry!"  
  
"OI!" said Michelle, very loudly. "Everyone, listen to me! I'm not on the list! I hate you!"  
  
"I hate you, too." He said.  
  
"WHAT?" Michelle took him seriously and began to cry her eyes out.  
  
"I'm not being serious! I love you really! Really I do!" she stopped crying. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll put you on the list." Michelle's eyes flashed with delight.  
  
"Ahem." Said Faramir. Legolas span around and saw a thunderous look on his face. 'Possibly not the best thing to say in front of her father.' He thought.  
  
"OOH! I'm sorry! Shit! Crap! Bugger! No, I didn't mean it! Argh! I'm dead!" Faramir took a step towards him but as he did Clare made Legolas disappear.  
  
"Where'd he go?!" said Mary-Jo.  
  
"Um, you might want to check the flag poles. And the trees. And possibly the fountain. And you!" she said to Michelle. "You've just given birth and you're already thinking about jumping into bed again!"  
  
"Of course." Michelle said, as if it was noting new. "This is me we're talking about. You act surprised." Faramir couldn't believe what he was hearing. His daughter was talking about sex right in front of him, and she didn't care.  
  
"Well, I've sorted that out." Said Clare. Michelle suddenly turned back into raving-loonie-teenager mode again.  
  
"Bring him back!" cried Michelle. "Bring him back, bring him back, BRING HIM BACK!!!"  
  
"I think she might want you to bring him back, Clare." Said Pippin.  
  
"As long as Faramir promises not to kill him. Faramir?"  
  
"I promise." He said, though he wished he hadn't and was sure he probably wouldn't.  
  
"OK then, if you're sure." Suddenly, Legolas was back in the room.  
  
"I SO want to know how to do that!" said Tracey, moodily. Michelle ran over to Legolas frantically.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!" she cried, as she threw herself at him. "I don't hate you! I love you! Honest! I do! I do! I love you!"  
  
"Do you think she's sorry?" said Legolas, uncomfortably.  
  
"Hmm, I'm not sure." Said Mary-Jo. "Possibly."  
  
"And do you think she might be a little bit drunk?" said Kathrine.  
  
"She never could handle her drink." Said Tracey.  
  
"What do you mean 'never could'?" said Faramir.  
  
"Nothing! I was thinking about… um, somebody, But not Michelle! No, she's never been drunk in her life! Nope, never!"  
  
"Yes, she has!" said Clare. "Right before she got pregnant! We all went to that club and she got totally out of it! And there was that lad!" She looked at everyone around her. Tracey, Mary-Jo, Becky and Kathrine were trying to hide, the hobbits were trying not to laugh, Aragorn was shocked, as was Legolas, and Faramir was fuming. Gimli and Gandalf were too drunk to know what was going on. "Oops." Everybody looked over at Michelle, who was now sitting on Legolas' lap and kissing him rather passionately (more than Faramir was finding comfortable).  
  
"This is going to be a LONG night." He muttered as he put his head in his hands.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Right then. Really, what is going on with this chapter? This really deserves to be flamed! I am so sorry! This is such an insult! I don't even know why I've put it up! It's really terrible! Oh crap! How embarrassing! Damn it, I'm losing my touch!  
  
OK, so if you never want anything this terrible ever again, I suggest you give some ideas so that I can correct my awful writing and prevent this from happening again. I do realise I just repeated myself. Just leave me to it.  
  
Again, I am SOOOOOO sorry.  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet xXxXx  
  
PS. Eternally sorry! 


	54. How embarrassing!

1 Disclaimer: I realised this morning that I don't think I have disclaimed anything in any chapters so I have MAJOR stuff to make up for. I think you probably realise that I do NOT, I repeat, do NOT own LotR, nor do I claim to own anything that isn't my own. All I own is Michelle, Robyn, Paul and Michelle's story line. I don't even own Tracey, Becky, Mary-Jo, Clare or Kathrine, as they are real people. My best mates to be precise! Yep, so basically, DON'T SUE ME! You won't get anything!  
  
2  
  
3 A/N: OK, so apparently the last chapter wasn't that bad! I don't what it was, but when I re-read it, it just didn't seem as good as some of the others I've written. So,  
  
4 Got: Yes, mom! Hurry up and write the next goddamn chapter! Remember I am a VVVIP!  
  
5 Tafi: Thank you for reviewing (as usual), thank you for permission to use your ideas as long as I mention you (which I will only do as a last resort) Ooh crap! I just realised what that sounds like! I didn't mean because they were bad (they're very good!!! Honest!), I meant because I didn't want to rip off any of your ideas! I didn't mean it as an insult! I'm just going to shut up now. Oh yeah, and I'm taking you as a guest to Guardian of Tears party! (Read… um… er… I don't know what it's called, but in brackets in the title it says 'A tie in with 'Dear Kain' and it's by Guardian of Tears in case you hadn't already worked that one out. It's good! Read it! Please!) And you can call me Elfie!  
  
6 BTW, if anybody didn't understand the 'Were they all men, Legolas?' bit from the last chapter, its sort of carrying on from chapter 2. In Elrond's office. Sam asks Legolas if he's pregnant. Because he thinks he's a woman. Yes… got it… understand… no…? Forget it. Just re-read the story, then you might understand. And if you don't, TOUGH! I can't be arsed to explain, right now.  
  
7 OK then, this is a very long A/N! Well for me anyway! Especially considering the one at the start of chapter 53 was 5 words long. Right, so I'll let you read the chapter now. That might help mightn't it! Yup, would help a lot! So I'm going to stop writing now. That is as in, at the end of the last sentence. So I'm done now. You should be reading the chapter now. But you're not because I'm still writing. So, I'm going to stop now. For real. Yep, Okay, so BYE!  
  
8 Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
9 Chapter 54  
  
Michelle woke up and her head was spinning. She ran to the bathroom to throw up, but found she couldn't because there was an unconscious Gandalf draped over the toilet. So she had to do the very disgusting thing of chucking up out of the window.  
  
"Eurgh!" she groaned as she stumbled back into the lounge. She looked around her. The hobbits were in a little pile on the sofa. The girls were in a pile on the floor. For some very odd reason, Aragorn was on Faramir's lap. 'Boy, Arwen is going to kill him.' Gimli was nowhere to be seen. Legolas was the only one awake. Suddenly, EVERYTHING came flooding back. The trial, the celebrations, the drink, spin-the-bottle, the embarrassing conversation in front of her father, Sam's personal comment, the disappearance of Legolas, the reappearance of Legolas, Clare's embarrassing revelation, but that was where her memory stopped. The last thing she remembered was hearing Clare tell them about her wild night out, but she was snogging Legolas at the time, and didn't really care. She began to blush as she saw Legolas watching her.  
  
"In all honesty, how embarrassing was I, last night?" she asked, meekly. "And don't be nice about it?"  
  
"Well, I don't think you've ever kissed me that much or that passionately before." He said. He didn't want to answer the question honestly. He knew he would get the blame for it, or at least would be moaned at all day. She shook her head and sat down. She ran a hand through her hair, and sighed. Legolas sat down next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.  
  
"My dad is going to be so mad when he wakes up." she said. "If he ever wakes up." And, as if he had heard her say that, Faramir and Aragorn woke up at the same time.  
  
"ARGH!" they cried, and leapt up from the seat.  
  
"Why were we…?" said Faramir.  
  
"I don't think we want to know." Said Aragorn. "OH CRAP! Arwen's going to kill me! I've got to go! Sorry!!!" and he ran out of the house.  
  
Michelle looked over at her dad, whilst trying not to laugh.  
  
"And what do you find so funny, missy? Hmm. I hope you aren't laughing at me, because I have many more things to throw at you." Said Faramir. A look of distress crossed her face. "Yes, I think we'll both forget anything that happened last night. The consequences of anybody finding out could be quite severe." Gradually, the others woke up.  
  
"Well, that was a night we won't forget in a hurry!" Said Mary-Jo, more cheerfully than was humanly possible from someone who consumed vast amounts of alcohol just some 5 hours previously.  
  
"We won't remember it in one, either." Said Tracey. "And, I don't think we really want to."  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! I remember!" said Pippin. "Actually, no I don't." Robyn began to cry. Michelle was way too tired and hung-over to get up and feed her.  
  
"Legolas, go feed the baby." She muttered.  
  
"Um, I can't." he said.  
  
"Yes, you can! Just go and do it!" Sam looked at Michelle, then Legolas, than back to Michelle then at Frodo.  
  
"See! See! I told you! I told you!!!" he cried. "It is true!" he held out his hand to Frodo. "Come on now, Mr. Frodo. Don't be stingy. Cough up." Frodo moaned and then got four gold coins out of his pocket. He shoved them into Sam's hand and muttered something under his breath.  
  
"Did you make a bet on me?!" said Legolas, angrily.  
  
"Would you believe me if I said 'no'?" said Sam, anxiously.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well… um… we… er… um… yes." Said Sam, as he fell to the floor and raised his arms across his face as if to stop a blow. "I'm sorry!" came a muffled cry from the quivering heap on the floor.  
  
Ignoring everything that had just happened, Pippin spoke up.  
  
"Well, I enjoyed last night!" he said joyfully. "I saw a completely different side to Michelle and the other girls." Nobody was really listening to him but he carried on anyway. "I often wondered where Legolas actually went when Clare made him disappear. And, Michelle is a great kisser." Michelle and Legolas snapped their heads around to Pippin's direction.  
  
"WHAT?!" They cried together. Everybody else turned their heads slowly. Pippin suddenly had a very worried look on his face.  
  
"I think I'll go feed the baby!"  
  
"HA!" shouted Frodo. "And I told YOU, Master Samwise! I'll have my four gold pieces back now, thank you very much!!!" He held out his hand, exactly as Sam had done earlier, to receive his winnings. Even though they weren't technically winnings, as it was his money in the first place.  
  
Michelle was completely horrified, and very glad she couldn't remember.  
  
"Leave Robyn alone!" she yelled. "I'll feed her, being as I am the only capable of doing so." She ran into the bedroom and closed the door. Pippin began to creep towards the door, but suddenly jumped back when he was yelled at. "AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKING THROUGH THE KEYHOLE, PEREGRIN TOOK!"  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
When she came out of the room, about twenty minutes later (Robyn was just as stubborn as her mother), she only heard the end part of the girls' conversation.  
  
"And Frodo said he didn't want to die a virgin." Said Mary-Jo.  
  
"What did you say?!" said Tracey.  
  
"I said I didn't either!" Sam was completely mortified. He looked over to Frodo.  
  
"MR. FRODO!" he cried, but Frodo just sat in his chair, grinning like a maniac on hallucinogens. He looked over at Mary-Jo who was also grinning madly.  
  
"Mary-Jo, you… you… you Lady of Negotiable Affection, you!"  
  
"Why, thank you!" she replied.  
  
"Somebody has been reading TOO much Pratchett." Said Clare. (A/N: If you don't understand, read the Discworld books. If you like this fic, you will definitely like them! The same kind of humour!)  
  
"Well, I've got to go." Said Tracey. "I meeting Tafi by the fountain. We're going to go and torture Paul! Hehe!" Michelle's face lit up at that.  
  
"Ooh, say hi to her for me! I'd join you, but I have to look after Robyn." She said. "But, here's an idea. You can both beat the crap out of him for me! So you'll both have twice as much fun!"  
  
"See you all later!" And Tracey left. Michelle looked around the room. She suddenly felt very irritated.  
  
"Well!" she said. "Haven't you all got homes to go to, or something?!" And she stormed back into the bedroom, slamming the door on the way.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: There you go! I hope you enjoyed that!  
  
Tafi: My friend (the same friend who came up with the idea for the trial! Becky, to be exact! Yep, the one and only!) and I realised that there isn't really a good way of thanking you for all the support you've given me. But, we decided that quite a cool to thank you would be to put you in the story, even if it is only for about two seconds! But, you are doing something to cool for words! I mean, who wouldn't want to beat up Paul? And you are privileged to do such a thing! I hope you liked the chapter! There's only about two or three (it depends on how long one of them is) more! Yes, two or three!!! And one of them has quite an interesting plot twist! You'll have to read on to find out more won't you! Hehehe! I'm evil! Ah well, you won't have to wait long!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. I don't own Terry Pratchett's Discworld stuff either! Otherwise it wouldn't be Terry Pratchett's it would be mine!!! 


	55. Escape from Sam

1 A/N: I'm really sorry GoT! I know I haven't done the 'How does she do it?' chapter, but I haven't got enough ideas for it! And I really want to get on with other chapters! Sorry bab!  
  
2 Anyway, this is going to be short and sharp! Just a little bit of humour to keep you going!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
PS. This is meant to be a couple of weeks (ish) after the chapter 54.  
  
3  
  
4 Chapter 55  
  
"Finally!" said Mary-Jo. She collapsed on the bed. "Right then. The checklist." Frodo picked up a clipboard and a pen.  
  
"Bedroom." He said  
  
"Check." Said Mary-Jo and Frodo ticked it off.  
  
"Double bed."  
  
"Check."  
  
"Drawn curtains."  
  
"Check."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"Check." Came a voice from the bathroom. Sam popped his head around the door. Mary-Jo freaked out, again.  
  
"By the Valar!!! Why do you always turn up when things look promising?!" she screamed. "Why can't you leave us alone for 10 minutes?!"  
  
"10 minutes?!" said Frodo.  
  
"Well, preferably longer." She said. "But, that will do for now!" she turned back to Sam. "WELL! Why?!"  
  
"Because I don't trust you!" he replied, innocently.  
  
"Well, tough! Frodo's mine! You can't have him!" And with that, she picked up Frodo and ran from the house like greased lightning. She ran extremely fast. It was quite impressive, especially since she was carrying Frodo. She got to Tracey's house and ran through the door with out knocking. When she got inside, she put Frodo down. She looked over to the sofa and saw Tracey, Legolas and Michelle watching her curiously.  
  
"Can we help you, Mary-Jo?" said Tracey.  
  
"Can we use your master bedroom?" Mary-Jo said, breathlessly.  
  
"Why? On second thoughts, don't answer that!" said Michelle.  
  
"Sam will not give us a moments peace!" moaned Mary-Jo. "Whenever everything is all peaceful, nice, drawn curtains, comfy bed, he shows up! I don't know how he does it, but he always finds a way! I'm never going to have Frodo if this carries on!" She didn't stay to here the reaction. She grabbed Frodo's hand and ran upstairs. Tracey, Michelle and Legolas sat in shock.  
  
"Right, has anybody else got nasty images in their heads?" said Legolas, but he didn't receive an answer.  
  
"ARGH! WILL YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE!!!" They heard Mary-Jo scream. "FRODO IS NO LONGER YOUR MASTER, SAM! HE'S MINE!"  
  
"Tracey, what is Sam doing in our master bedroom?" said Michelle, slowly.  
  
"I have absolutely no bloody idea!" said Tracey, astounded. Mary-Jo appeared downstairs again, with Sam at her side. She had his ear twisted in a painful looking way that made the three onlookers cringe. They were shortly followed by Frodo.  
  
"Somebody take this good-for-nothing layabout off my hands, before I rip him apart, limb-by-limb, with my bare hands." She said, through gritted teeth. Tracey felt very sorry for Sam, so she stood up quickly and took Sam's hand.  
  
"Sam, it's really not a good idea to get on the wrong side of Mary-Jo, because she has a tendency of carrying out her threats. Come with me, I'll take you home. Leave them to it." Sam whimpered, but suffered to be led away. He glanced back at Mary-Jo, who was smiling evilly and waving at him.  
  
"Bye Sam." She said patronisingly. "Now then. I presume it's still OK to use Tracey's bedroom. Frodo, follow me." And they disappeared, back upstairs. Michelle and Legolas looked at each other and shuddered.  
  
"Yes, I have nasty images." Said Michelle. "But still, you've got to feel sorry for Mary-Jo. I mean, can you imagine what it's like to be watched 24/7, just to make sure you don't do anything that you really want to do?"  
  
"Yes, I can. Two words: your father!" replied Legolas. "He still doesn't trust me, you know! After that bloody party of yours!" Michelle shuffled closer to him.  
  
"Oh well. He's not here now, is he?" she whispered.  
  
"Yes he is." Faramir walked out from the kitchen.  
  
"What are you doing here?" said Michelle.  
  
"Watching you. Making sure you 'don't do anything you really want to do', as you put it."  
  
"Oh, bloody hell!"  
  
*****  
  
A/N: So, it's a bit different, but it's good, right? (Boromir always was) Different is good. Please r&r! Of course you don't need to be told, but I have nothing else to say, so I decided to ask you to r&r! OK then, moving on…  
  
Well, I'll go on to the next chapter now.  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx 


	56. Aww, how romantic???

1 A/N: OK, so this chapter is either going to be really long or really short! It's more likely to be the latter, though. Read, enjoy, review! (And in that order!)  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXx  
  
2 Chapter 56  
  
"I'm not sure." Said Michelle. "I don't like leaving Robyn."  
  
"Look, it's just one night." Said Legolas. "You need a break." Legolas was trying to convince Michelle to go out for the evening, but it was proving very difficult. 'Well, at least it shows she cares for Robyn.' He thought. 'But that doesn't help me.'  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Oh, go on then. I suppose I do need to relax a bit. Robyn has been a bit too much for me to cope with these last couple of days. I could use an evening off. Provided it is only ONE evening. I couldn't leave her for longer than that, regardless who the baby-sitter is!"  
  
"It will be just one evening." He said, reassuringly. "A lovely meal at a fabulous restaurant. Aragorn recommended it. He said it's Arwen's favourite, which probably means it will cost the earth, but that doesn't matter."  
  
"Can we afford the earth?" she said, worriedly.  
  
"Anything for you." He said. 'Don't get her started on money again. PLEASE!'  
  
"Well, all right then. I'm just going to pop around to the shop. I'll only be about ten minutes. Shall I-"  
  
"Robyn will be fine here with me." he said, cutting her off. "Now stop stressing over nothing. I'll see you in a bit." He gave her a kiss and shooed her out of the door.  
  
"Honestly." He sighed aloud, once she had finally gone. "You'd think she didn't trust me." He picked up Robyn. "Your mother is a fusspot. But, she's a fusspot with a heart of gold. Possibly not PURE gold, her mood swings are quite lethal, but gold it is. OK, I'm talking to a baby. That girl will drive me mad!"  
  
  
  
"And he's taking me out to dinner!" giggled Michelle excitedly to Tracey. "He said it was Arwen's favourite restaurant, so it must be quite good!"  
  
"Aww, he's so romantic!" said Tracey. "I wish I had a man that would do that for me. Well, I wish I had a man, full stop, but a romantic one would be nice."  
  
"Yeah, so I was, sort of, wondering if you could baby-sit for me tonight." She saw the look on Tracey's face. "PLEEEAAASSSSEEEE! I'll love you forever!"  
  
"You should love me anyway!"  
  
"I'll love you, even more, forever! And you can invite Kathrine or someone around, so as you're not bored! As long as you don't trash the house, I don't mind who you invite! Please?"  
  
"OK then. As long as she's good." She sighed. She never could stand up to Michelle, especially when Robyn was involved. 'I really need to be more strong-willed! And I need to stop loving that kid so much!' Michelle hugged Tracey tightly.  
  
"Thank you so much! And she will! She'll be wonderful! I'll speak to you later about when to come around! Thank you again!" Michelle walked off, back home.  
  
Legolas heard Michelle walk through the door.  
  
"Shit!" he said. He stuffed the box to the back of the wardrobe and ran down the stairs. "Hi!" he said, quickly. "You were gone quite a while. I was beginning to worry."  
  
"Oh, sorry. I bumped into Tracey. You know what she's like once she gets chatting! Never shuts up! Silly mare" She walked into the kitchen and put the shopping bag on the table. "What time are we going out?" she called to him.  
  
"8 o'clock. Why?"  
  
"Oh, it's just I need to tell Tracey what time to get here? And I need to get ready, obviously."  
  
"Tracey. Oh, I was actually thinking about Pippin." She turned and looked at him, to see if he was joking. 'He is joking… right?'  
  
"Pippin?" she said. "You actually think I am going to leave my daughter in his care? Are you completely stupid?"  
  
"What's wrong with Pippin?"  
  
"He wouldn't know responsibility if it leapt up and stole his favourite pipe! The guy is an idiot! I wouldn't trust him with my life!"  
  
"But, he's Robyn's godfather!"  
  
"That's not the point!"  
  
"You chose him to be the person to look after her, should we both die. But now you're saying you don't trust him?"  
  
"I do trust him, but just not with a baby! I don't plan on dying just yet. When she's older, and able to look after herself, I'll trust him."  
  
"If that's how you feel then maybe you shouldn't have chosen him to be her godfather! What are you going to do if we drop down dead tomorrow?"  
  
"Um, die, perchance." She said, sarcastically. 'There is absolutely no way I am leaving my daughter in Pippin's care. I won't have a daughter to come home to, let alone a house!'  
  
"You know what I mean!" he snapped. He hated it when she was like this. She was in one of them moods when she was always right. Actually, in this case, she probably was right, but he couldn't give up now. He was too stubborn.  
  
"Don't shout at me!" she cried.  
  
"You're the one who's shouting, not me!"  
  
"I am NOT having Pippin look after Robyn! She won't be safe!"  
  
"Well, I think she will be safe!"  
  
"Well, you're not in charge! You're not even her father!" That was taking it too far. Legolas stormed out of the house. It hit her straight away, what she had said, and she knew it was wrong.  
  
"Legolas! I'm sorry!" she cried, but he wasn't listening.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: That really is taking it TOO far! That is pure evil! We know it's the truth, but there's no need to blatantly shout it at the poor guy! Not a great way to keep your boyfriend, Michelle! Not great, at all!  
  
In case anybody isn't clear on the minor details: they HAVE split! I know I didn't actually write it, but that is the intention. LEGOLAS AND MICHELLE HAVE SPLIT UP! Shock! Horror!!! OK, so I left you on a tiny bit of a cliff- hanger there, but at least it means we have yet to see the end Boromir's niece. But then again, I could just leave it there. Maybe this is the end. Should I leave you in mid air, or should I tell you? Hmm, I'll have to think about that one. In GoT's words:  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
Luvs Elfie xXxXxXxXx 


	57. Tied to a bike stand!

A/N: By the time I've posted this it will be your birthday, Tafi. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope you get lotsa cool stuff and lots of money!!!  
  
Well, I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. I decided not to be cruel to you all! I would just like to know: did anyone else understand the box bit? It's just GoT didn't, and I couldn't help but laugh. I thought it was obvious. But, maybe not. Anyway, I'll let you read on now!  
  
Luvs Crumpet xXxXx  
  
PS. Did anyone realise Michelle is royalty? Her father is Prince of Ithilien, so that must make her Princess!!! Very scary Princess, but a Princess she is.  
  
PPS. This is quite a long chapter because it is the last one! BOO HOO! The end is here, at last! Oh yeah, you could take one part of this completely wrong, but Aragorn and Legolas are JUST FRIENDS! Got it? I'll shoot anyone who thinks otherwise. And I'm sure Tafi will join me!  
  
1 Chapter 57  
  
Michelle curled up into a little ball and cried her heart out. 'What have I done?' she thought. 'I've ruined everything!' There was a knock at the door. Michelle tried to ignore, but whoever it was wouldn't go away. So, she stood up, ran her fingers through her hair a couple of times to make it look neater, rubbed her eyes and went to the door. It was Tracey.  
  
"Hiya!" she said cheerfully, as Michelle opened the door. "Sorry if I'm a bit early! I know you didn't…" then she noticed she had been crying. "Michelle, what's wrong?" Michelle let her.  
  
"It's Legolas." She began. "He's left me!" Tracey was completely shocked.  
  
"What?! Why? I mean, I don't understand! You were fine earlier! He was going to take you out to dinner and everything. Why would he leave you?" She really didn't understand. What could have caused them to split? They were a match made in… well, not heaven exactly, but they were very good together.  
  
"I said such a stupid thing!" Michelle wailed. "We were talking about who was baby-sitting Robyn tonight. He wanted Pippin to, but I said I'd already asked you and that I didn't trust Pippin enough. We ended up shouting at each other. I said I didn't think she was safe with him, he said he thought she was and then I said 'Well, you're not in charge! You're not even her father!' and he stormed out! I tried to apologise, but he just walked away. I'm such a stupid cow!"  
  
"You idiot." Said Tracey, very unsympathetically. "What the hell did you say that for?! You know he loves Robyn more than anything else in the world! I'd venture to say even more than he loves you!"  
  
"I know! I don't know why I said it! I was just so angry, and I didn't know what I was talking about! He's never going to forgive me!"  
  
"I wouldn't blame him if he didn't but I can't see him doing that somehow. You thought he was going to leave you when he found out you were pregnant, but he didn't."  
  
"But you said it yourself! He loves her more than anything! I made it sound like I didn't want him to be her father! Tracey, what do I do?" Tracey stayed silent for a minute. 'I don't know. What does she do? She'll need to catch him in an extremely good mood!'  
  
"I suggest you let him cool down a bit. Give him a day or two, then try and find him and see if you two can sort something out." Robyn began to cry, but Michelle stayed where she was. "Michelle, you need to see to Robyn." But she stayed silent. "I'll see to her then. But I can't help if she needs feeding."  
  
Tracey disappeared into the bedroom. Luckily, (but unfortunately for Tracey) she only needed a change of nappy (A/N: that's diaper to any American readers). When she went back into the lounge, Michelle was exactly as she had left her. 'Oh crap. This is going to be one of them isn't it?' she thought. 'I'm going to have to put with "I've lost him! I love him! What do I do?" for ages now, aren't I? And when they get back together, I won't get any thanks at all.' But as she watched her best friend, her heart filled with pity. 'But she is sorry. I can see that.'  
  
"Michelle, do you want me to go and get someone?" Again, she got no reply. "It's just, I'm not exactly the best person to talk to. Do you want me to go and tell your dad?"  
  
"No." Michelle said, quietly. Her voice was trembling.  
  
"He's going to find out soon. He'll find out from Aragorn if you don't tell him."  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"Where else do you think Legolas will have gone? Honestly, if brains were bullets…"  
  
"I don't want you to tell my dad." She said, firmly but quietly. "I will tell him in my own time. He's already disappointed with me. And now I've gone and destroyed the last bit of his dreams. He always wanted me to be good and clever, then to grow up and eventually settle down with someone respectable. I've shattered all hope of that now." She began to cry again.  
  
Four days passed, and Michelle didn't leave the house once. Tracey, Becky, Mary-Jo, Kathrine and Clare had all temporarily moved in so they could look after her and Robyn. Michelle had lost all interest. All she did was feed her, and that was only because she was the only one who could. It was late at night on the fourth evening and everyone, but Faramir and Tracey, was asleep.  
  
"Tracey, how long is this going to last?" he said. "Can't we just find Legolas and get them to talk?"  
  
"She said she can't face seeing him." She replied. "She's too ashamed. And we don't know where Legolas is. Well, I say we don't know. We haven't actually looked for him, and he's most probably at the palace. But, that doesn't matter."  
  
"I want to see him." said a voice from behind Tracey. She turned around and Michelle was standing there with Robyn in her arms. Tracey was shocked. When she looked over at her a few minutes beforehand, she was sleeping, soundly, on the sofa, or so she thought.  
  
"You do?" she said.  
  
"I realised, what's the point of moping around and neglecting my baby? I know what I said was wrong, and I am very sorry. But, there isn't any point telling you, I need to tell him to his face. Where is he?"  
  
"Michelle, it's 11 o'clock at night!" said Faramir. He was glad his daughter felt a bit better, but this was madness.  
  
"I know and it doesn't matter. If I know Legolas, and I think I can safely say I do, then he won't be asleep yet. He will be very much awake. Talking to Aragorn, most likely, who will be wanting to go to bed, desperately."  
  
"Well, if you sure." Said Faramir. "But, do you want to eat or something first?"  
  
"No. I want to go now." And so, they made their way to the palace where, sure enough, Legolas was keeping Aragorn awake. They were sitting in the Great Hall.  
  
"I thought she loved me, but that comment just cut really deep, Robyn means more to me than anything, with the exception of Michelle, and I just can't believe she said that." said Legolas. He finally stopped and took a breath. "What do I do?"  
  
"I don't know!" moaned Aragorn. "I just want to go to bed! Please, just let me go to bed!" Legolas ignored him completely and carried on.  
  
"I think I love her, but I don't know, what she said hurt, but I love Robyn too, I don't want to lose her, if I lose Michelle, then I lose Robyn too, but can I put up with Michelle if she's going to come out with things like that all the time?"  
  
"Why don't you try and talk to her?" said Aragorn sleepily, for the 27th time, hoping, maybe, they might come to a conclusion soon. He needed sleep, even if Legolas didn't. "It might help."  
  
"I don't want to speak to her. And I doubt she wants to speak to me."  
  
"That's where you're wrong." Said Tracey on entry. "She does want to speak to you."  
  
"How did you get in?" said Aragorn. 'Thank Eru for Tracey!'  
  
"Through the door, Aragorn. They're marvellous contraptions." She said, sarcastically.  
  
"You know what I mean." He was too tired to argue. Legolas had been talking to him for nearly five hours.  
  
"The guards let us in." Michelle walked in, with Robyn still in her arms. She had hesitated outside the door for a moment, not sure if this really was what she wanted to do. But she convinced herself it was.  
  
"Then, I need to hire new guards." Said Aragorn.  
  
"Yeah, um, you might just want to get them down to the Houses of Healing." Said Tracey. Aragorn looked her, inquisitively. "Well, they shouldn't have tried to stop me from getting in." she said, innocently. Michelle looked over at Legolas.  
  
"Legolas, I'm sorry. I didn't…" but he turned his back on her. "Legolas, please! I'm sorry! I didn't mean what I said, I was just mad at you! You know I say stupid things when I'm angry. As far as I'm concerned, you ARE her father!"  
  
"That isn't what you said." He snapped, without turning around.  
  
"Legolas, I would never intentionally say anything like that! It was a spur of the moment thing! I know I hurt you, but I love you!"  
  
"Well, you've got a funny way of showing it!" and he walked out of the room. Aragorn had woken up, considerably and now had no idea what to do. Should he stay? Should he go?  
  
"Um… I… er… I think you should give him some time. Maybe he'll come round… or something." He said.  
  
"He's had four bleeding days already!" said Tracey, irritably. "Do you know what we've had to put up with? Dirty nappies, lovesick teenager, crying baby!"  
  
"Well, just give him a bit longer."  
  
"No, it doesn't matter." Said Michelle, quietly. "He's made himself quite clear. It's over. No more. Kaput. Gone. Tell him I won't bother him again. Robyn and I will just go and live in Ithilien with my father. Goodbye Aragorn." And she walked sadly from the room.  
  
There were no more tears left to cry. She just wandered in a daze. She walked the long way round and stopped at the walls for a while. She was beginning to get cold, so she went home. When she got back, after getting Robyn to sleep, she lay on the sofa (it had become her new bed) and drifted into a restless sleep.  
  
  
  
Legolas was pacing back and forth in the guest chamber. He was still angry, but he was upset too.  
  
"She thought that by bringing Robyn, I would react! Well, I showed her. I didn't react. I did the right thing. I didn't do anything. I barely spoke and then walked out. It was the right thing to do. So, why do I feel so stupid." He flung himself, helplessly, down onto the bed. "I do love her. I love both of them. But, what she said hurt. But, did it hurt enough for me to let her go? Can I do that?"  
  
"Only you can answer that, Legolas." Said Aragorn. Legolas looked across the room and Aragorn was standing in the doorway. "Do you want to let her go?"  
  
"I don't know. I suppose she could have done worse but… oh, it's all too confusing!"  
  
"I don't think you want to do that, do you Legolas? Hey, wait! I'm getting déjà vu! Isn't that exactly what I said to you when you found out she was pregnant?"  
  
"Probably. I don't really remember."  
  
"Well, it is. And, you got through that one, didn't you? If you compare this to that, this is absolutely nothing. Wow, she said you weren't Robyn's dad. Big deal. It's not like you didn't already know." Legolas sat up and looked at Aragorn.  
  
"But it hurt! The way she said it!" he whined.  
  
"Well, yeah, but I'm sure she's probably said worse! Even if it's not to your face." He saw the look on Legolas' face. 'Oh great! An emotional Elf! Perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say.' "Look, every girl bitches, every now and then. Well, unless you're Tracey. She never stops bitching, but we're aren't talking about her. You and Michelle have been together-"  
  
"Were together." Corrected Legolas.  
  
"Alright then, WERE together, for about 5 months, weren't you? So, you're obviously going to have irritated her at some point. Therefore she will have had need to… oh, just forget I ever said anything. Look, she loves you. If she didn't, she wouldn't have come to apologise. Walking out on her, twice, possibly wasn't the best thing to do, though."  
  
"You know what? You're right. It's stupid. I'm stupid! I don't want to lose her over some pathetic disagreement! Thank you, Aragorn. I was going to through the two best things that have ever happened to me! You have, literally, saved me! OK, so what do I do about the whole 'I walked out on her twice' thing?"  
  
"Let me sleep for, let's say, 12 hours, and I'll get back to you." Aragorn turned to the door whilst sighing with relief. He was nearly out of the door when Legolas started to speak again. 'Oh gods, not again! Please! What have I done to deserve this?'  
  
"Aragorn." Aragorn looked at Legolas. "Thank you." Aragorn smiled and walked out of the room.  
  
  
  
Michelle woke up the next morning, not happy, but refreshed. She hadn't had a decent night's sleep since Legolas had left. It was midday, but she noticed nobody was around. Normally, one of the girls was with Robyn, one of them was with her, one would be in the kitchen and Tracey would be talking to a stressed out Faramir. Then, Becky walked out of the bedroom.  
  
"Oh, you're awake." She said when she noticed she was sitting up. "Um, the girls have, er, gone to… the, um… shop, yeah, that's it."  
  
"And my father?" she enquired.  
  
"He went with them." She hurried into the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat? I can knock you up a big Gondorian breakfast, or something, if you want."  
  
"What's going on? Why are trying to distract me? What's happening?"  
  
"Happening? Nothing. What would be happening? I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Look, you learnt that one off me, so it won't work. Something is happening. Where is everybody? And don't say at the shop, because I know that isn't true!" Becky gave in. She knew Michelle wouldn't accept anymore lies.  
  
"I told them not to go! Honest, I did! But nobody listens to Becky! No, she doesn't know what she's talking about!"  
  
"Told them not to go where?" Michelle was getting very annoyed at Becky's lack of co-operation. She stood up and glowered at her friend.  
  
"Tracey told them what happened last night and Kathrine took it upon herself to seek out Legolas and… well, I'd rather not say. And Mary-Jo and Clare felt the same. So they went, and Tracey and Faramir went after them. I tried to stop them!"  
  
"Oh, great!" She said, sitting back down. "That's going to make him love me so much more than he already does. Well, I decided that I'm leaving today anyway. Dad can take me to Ithilien and if he needs to come back, he can. Otherwise, we'll just start over." At that moment, Kathrine came bursting through the door, soaking wet.  
  
"Ooh! Stay out of my way, or I might just kill you!" she cried.  
  
"What happened?!" said Becky and Michelle at the same time.  
  
"He's only, bloody well, camped up outside! He wants to see you, Michelle." The blood drained from her face. "We told him and told him and told him, but will he listen? My arse, will he listen! He's refusing point blank to move until he's spoken to you!"  
  
"Nuh-uh! No way! He said it all last night! He doesn't want me and he doesn't want Robyn. I'm not speaking to him. I can't handle anymore insults!!!"  
  
"Well, he isn't moving." Said Mary-Jo, as she entered the house. "Has he been taking lessons in stubbornness from you, Michelle? I swear he wasn't like that in Lothlorien! He's chained himself to the bike stand opposite the house, now! And it's pouring down with rain!"  
  
"I'm not going out there. He can go and be this pathetic if he wants, I don't care! He showed that he didn't love me last night! He walked out for a second time, and that was two times too many! I can't handle this happening every time we argue!" Faramir, Tracey and Clare walked in, also soaking wet.  
  
"He will catch his death of cold." Said Clare.  
  
"I don't care!" said Michelle, moodily.  
  
"Michelle, I thought you wanted to make up with him! Wasn't that the whole point of going to see him last night?" said Faramir. However much he loved his daughter, he still found her VERY confusing. He quickly disappeared upstairs, then came back down again. Michelle didn't bother asking.  
  
"Look, all of you listen. He made it very obvious last night that he didn't want anything else to do with me. I'm not going to stick around just to receive more crap from him." Clare suddenly had an idea that might just work. When Michelle wasn't looking, she whispered it to Tracey, and it gradually passed around the circle surrounding Michelle.  
  
"Of course, he did." Said Clare. "It's understandable that you hate him. After all he did walk out on you, and you have got a 2-month old baby. We all understand." Michelle thought about what was just said.  
  
"I didn't say hate!" she said. "I said I didn't want to stick around for more insults."  
  
"Oh yes, sorry."  
  
"Well, you had better get sorted then and you can be on your way." Said Mary-Jo. "You'll never have to see him again then, will you?"  
  
"Hang on just one minute! I bet that's why here, isn't it? I said last night I was going to go, and he thought that by coming to see me it would drive me away, which is what he wants. He wants me to go quickly, so he knew I would do this. I don't want to speak to him, and he's here to get rid of me! Well, I'll show him. Where did you say he was, Mary-Jo?"  
  
"Um, you can't really miss him." Michelle walked outside. "Don't you want a coat or something?" she called, but she was ignored. Everyone else grabbed raincoats and followed her.  
  
'Mary-Jo was right.' Michelle thought. 'You can't miss him.' There was a small, metal bicycle stand opposite the house and Legolas was handcuffed to it. He was cold and wet, but very determined. 'Hell, it's freezing out here!' she thought and she wasn't wearing a lot. Flimsy pyjamas and slippers, not exactly street wear, let alone rain wear.  
  
"You wanted something?" she said, coldly. She wasn't going to play silly buggers. She would stay to hear what he wanted to say, and then she was going back in.  
  
"Michelle, I'm sorry." Right then, that's not what she was expecting.  
  
"Y-you are?" she stuttered, partly from coldness and partly from shock. "Why?"  
  
"I shouldn't have walked out. All you did was state the obvious. I over- reacted."  
  
"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did! It was harsh, all over a stupid baby-sitter."  
  
"Quite literally." He muttered, but she heard him and laughed.  
  
"Um, Legolas? Why are you chained to the bike stand?" she asked cautiously.  
  
"Oh, I sort of hoped that being dramatic would make you come out here and shout at me, then I could apologise." She couldn't help but laugh at his persistence and stubbornness. Legolas looked over at Faramir. "Did you find it?" Faramir nodded, walked over and handed the box to Legolas. "Thank you." He took the handcuffs off his wrists rubbed them tenderly (he'd put them on a bit too tight) and then turned back to Michelle.  
  
"Michelle," he dropped to his knee. "Will you marry me?"  
  
*****  
  
A/N: You didn't honestly think I would keep them apart, did you? If you did, then you are… well, something.  
  
Yep, so (in Porky Pig's words) 'that's all folks'. Boromir's niece is no more! Well, obviously its not going to just disappear, it's definitely staying on here, but I mean no more chapters. Actually, I might do one more chapter, possibly, over the half-term holiday. It depends on my mood. Or might just leave it like this. My mate, Becky, thinks I'm dragging it out a bit TOO much now. She said it's going to end up boring if I don't limit myself. I don't agree, but if there is any more chapters, it will only be one, and that's only if I'm in a good mood! (And if you lot convince me enough!)  
  
Anyway, review for the last time people! It's really rather sad. OK, make that very sad. I might do a sequel, if I can gather enough ideas. Otherwise, goodbye darling reviewers! You have been wonderful to my story and I! I hope you appreciate it as much as I appreciate your support! You know, it'll be just my bleeding luck if I never write anything this well ever again! So I apologise now for future crappiness!  
  
Luvs Elf Crumpet (or Elfie or Crumpet, depending on who you are!) xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx 


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